Hi Queenie, Fox and SL.

Thanks for dropping by.


Like me, I think the boys are doing the best they can coping and adjusting to the numerous changes as a consequence of a loss of a family, in addition to their own life challenges of growing up.

DS19 lives with me and is 'in contact' with WS and accepts to join him for supper 'here and there', while DS13 alternates one week each with me and WS.

Update.

WS and I had our last mediation this week. We are on our way to 'settling' partly because WS will clearly have the bigger part of the pie.

Does WS think that the 'material assets' will compensate/ fill the void of a 'loss of our family'?

I, OTOH, KNOW it won't!

If I am 'settling' for a little less of the 'material assets', I also know that I will have enough to live a decent life with what I will have, and together with my work, I will be fine!

What I am 'gaining', sooner rather than later, will be my freedom and peace of mind from not having any further legal ties with WS (and further decreased contact with WS), not be faced with unknown costly court proceedings (that, given what's at stake, could easily 'cancel out' any possible gains!...and even more in the emotional investment!)

...so that I can MOVE FORWARD even further in my Personal Recovery, and in dealing/healing with the loss/wound caused by what was very very dear to me: my marriage and my family!

...ready to feel the fear, the pain :teef: ...and doing it anyways!

I also addressed the issue of WS's interest in wanting to maintain a 'friendly co-parenting' relationship once the 'dust has settled'....and I suspect you all know what my answer to that is by now! ...WS was clearly disappointed.

However, that didn't stop WS, that same evening at parents' night to meet with teachers at DS13's school, which we both attended....to come up to give me 'copies' of information he had picked up 'for me' and asked, while waiting to meet with a teacher, if I wanted to meet him...together!

...and right now I am sad to see that WS doesn't seem 'to get it' , doesn't seem to want to face the fact/the loss.... that he won't 'have it all'! ....before it's too late to do anything about it

....and the longer he waits, the bigger the blow, as it will hurt....A LOT! ....and right now, I feel sooooo sorry for him, for me...and most of all....for our boys.... for the 'hurt' with which we each have and will be facing...

...and yet, hopeful, that we each will get to the 'other side'... learn to take responsibility for our lives and have more consideration for our own needs and those of others, and CHOOSE to share it with people that have respect and consideration for their needs as well as those of others, or not!

I wish you all a good weekend.

I will start by saying that I do not regret the 'mediation session' where I accepted to be in the presence of WS, because in the long-term it does save me money (which I don't have) and it also mean less dealings with WS, sooner than later.....

However, it is a fact that, even if by choice, I subjected myself to WS logic and 'blaming game' (Luna is the one refusing the 'friendly co-parenting' offered by WS....what does Luna want?)... and even a few days later.....I am having to work very hard at 'shrugging off' the impact....

I am feeling the emotional rollercoaster ....and the fact that I have been on it often does help to minimize the 'shock' of some of the curves and heights...

...while I keep telling myself:

This too shall pass... as I get closer and closer to the other side....when WS contact will be limited to the least possible reasons: 'emergency issues' re boys....

What difference does sharing this with all of you do?

It helps a LOT...fulfilling my need to express myself, have a shoulder to cry on, and most of all....to connect.... knowing that many here know EXACTLY what I am feeling....don't you!

There...I feel better already!

[quote] What difference does sharing this with all of you do?

It helps a LOT...fulfilling my need to express myself, have a shoulder to cry on, and most of all....to connect.... knowing that many here know EXACTLY what I am feeling....don't you!

There...I feel better already! [/quote/ Luna, may I say it is absolutely stunning to watch you grow, learn, recover and move forward.

You are so right. We DO know what you are feeling and it's so painful, but there you are walking through it with grace and dignity because that's who you have chosen to become and faced all put in front of you.

I can only pray that should my M not make it and we eventually D, that I have 1/10th the ability to walk through it the way you have. You so clearly have pain, and yet you still come here and explain, and give and help those who still suffer.

Thank you so very much.

Are you still feeling better?

Hi Queenie,


Well it depends...the rollercoaster ride has now shifted into a high gear....and I am feeling a lot of...

ANGER!

So, at least....it's moving!

WS and I owned a modest cottage outside the city which (since it can't be split in two) I have chosen to let go of...

It was a family projet that we 'redid' completely....it took us maybe over 10 years to get it at the stage where it is...and so a lot of 'heart and soul' went in it...

...and I am not sure why I am 'picking on that' as WS and OP are now living together ... but having to come to terms now that, visually, this OP will be the one that will 'enjoy and profit' from all the invested energy 'I' put into that projet is making me 'RED MAD'

'anger' is not something that surface often with me....am eager to 'transform' its energy and put it to better use....

Looking around the house to see if I have ANYTHING that needs 'demolishing'!

...and yes, this too shall pass!

Just want you to all know....


it has....

...it's unimaginable what a nice cup of coffee, a muffin and just a 'minute' only to stop and....smell the roses...can do to someone!

...and, of course, having a place to come to and share it!

THANK YOU MB BOARD!

Glad to hear you are feeling better....I guess we will always have setbacks it is just how quickly they pass that changes...

.. psssst ST!

...the 'they pass' has a lot to do with how quickly 'we' can figure out the how....WE can let go...

The MORE we learn to 'let go', the easier it gets....

If it sounds like learning how to ride a bicycle, IT IS!

Hi Luna,

How are you doing tonight?

Luna,



Glad to see you back peddling on the bike!

Thanks Queenie and Bugs for dropping by.

Mediation sessions with WS are finished. I just got the draft of mediator's report (which will be basis of agreement to propose in Court) to review.

....gulp!

Tomorrow, I will review it, then ask my attorney for review and comments?

....not today...receiving it...was enough....for today.

I am OK, really!

Luna,

I think you win the award for longest in Plan B to Plan D. How long has it been now? Something like 5 years?

You and I both are going to benefit from having this end once and for all. Our energy is best focused somewhere else.

Now CL let's put this in perspective.

The first 2 years don't count....I was a total basketcase (...consider me being in intensive care unit had it been a physical wound!)...in this case, the medicine being...PLAN B! ....with a very loooong convalescence period

The third year, WS was in crisis....never saw it coming that DS17 would one day 'insist' to no longer want to 'travel back and forth' and chose to stay with me.... Plan D proceedings initiated in the Fall by WS!

The fourth year we started mediation which I stopped when, although my Dad had been sick, sometime in late summer he was now terminally ill...and died last Fall which was followed by a grieving period.

Which brings me to this year, re-started mediation session, but in the Spring had a s�jour in the hospital, and was off a couple of week recuperating, and was followed by another break from mediation...then summer was summer.

...and so, here we are!

As the saying goes: times flies when you are having fun!

Ok Luna, I'm not that great at math, but that still adds up to about 5 years, right?

The OW in your case must have very little self esteem. What kind of woman waits 5 years for a man to get divorced? Pathetic....

Luna,

Sounds like this long difficult journey is finally coming to an end. How fitting that you may be able to bring this to completion and have a totally fresh start for the New Year!

You really are doing well. The 'reality' of the paperwork is a difficult moment to handle - no matter how we feel about the WS at the time. It's a physical, real evidence that our lives are changing. I'm proud of you for seeing the positives of being able to move forward with your personal recovery and your new future!!

I'm still surprised when I have moments of realization of my life getting better 'post-drac'. The other night Ladybugs had her Christmas program at school. Drac brought the current ho with him & it really didn't impact me as it would have a year ago. I look at them and actually laughed to myself. They've been dating a year and he's still active on his match.com account, and was sneaking looks over at me all night. I ignored them both completely & enjoyed the concert.

Keep up the great attitude,,,,,you are almost at the finish line!

That is a sign of recovery... looking over and laughing at them and their latest squeeze. Let's all get to that point... when we detach enough that we can honesty say to ourselves..."What a mess! WS is soooo stupid. Glad I'm not involved in that DRAMA anymore. Hey, cookies and punch...."

Just a passing thought that we no longer care, react or want. That we let them clean up their own messes. That we KNOW that we had them for the best years of their lives. That we kept them grounded and that they blew it!

CL,



Yes...and?


....TOTALLY agree with you!

And there's not much I can do about THAT! So heaven help her!

You know, CL, five years SOUNDS like a long time...but when you are 'living and processing life' all the while trying to to stay 'functional'....it really is not THAT long!

I would say that it's worth 'taking your time', more is better than less, if it means coming out the other side....

...more GROUNDED and CENTERED!

Hi Bugs,

Thanks for the support.


I fully concur.... I also am finding that WS has less and less and less impact on me. It's very...refreshing.

..and I agree with you, HH,


....until it clears up, WSs remain 'lost' in the fog!

Just want to wish everyone my best wishes for the holidays.

:HappyHolidays:



...and also to give you a quick update of where I am at.

The mediation sessions have ended with WS. We have come to an 'informal' agreement about assets. The next step is 'formalizing/legalizing' the whole thing.

And as Bugs so well put it a few posts back....


..and she is right on both counts.

..so there is a lot of DEEP breathing involved ...because I do SENSE that my life is 'changing' in a MAJOR way....and yes, THAT both scares me and excites me ...because although it's taken me a while, I have also learned HOW to hold on tight so as to not fall off that damn emotional rollercoaster

...and so I am PROUD of myself

...I can now literally see the impact of all my hard work and that, slowly but steadly, I am turning 'this boat' around and taking it where I want it to go....towards harmony and joy, connection and authenticity, lightness and curiosity, patience and compassion, appreciation and generosity...to what gives my life a 'sense of purpose'....


HUGS to ALL...with all my LOVE...

You are simply one of G-ds most gracious and shining examples of surviving an affair.

There are a LOT of people on here who need you to show them how to come to the place you have come to. In G-ds shining light.

I don't for ONE MILLIMETER of a SECOND devalue or cancel out ALL the HARD work it has taken, but you are just nothing short of inspiring to lead people to a life of
There were so many OTHER roads and ways you could have taken, but since the day I have taken the time to learn and watch you, it's always been with compassion and a sense of working through whatever came your way.

I TRULY hope that I have that kind of stamina and commitment to MYSELF that you do.

And I AM SO PROUD OF YOU as well. But the cool part,

YOU ARE.....

Merry Christmas special friend. May this day be full of joys and blessings that you are hoping and praying for.

back at'ja'

Merry Christmas, Luna and here's to looking forward to a new life for you!