Don't do it.

This plan feeds her insatiable need for attention. By taking this direction there is an unspoken invitation for her to continue to engage with you at some level.

She is smart,sly and manipulative It could easily backfire in ways that you haven't imagined. NC simultaneously on both sides is essential.

After D day I was burning with rage I wrote letters and planned retribution on an hourly basis. Now 8 yrs later I am so glad that I did not take action on any of my revengeful thoughts.

Although I have to admit that even now after all this time I do not wish her well.The karma bus can take care of that.

BEST WISHES

PS
You might notice that not one poster here recommends the party idea and in fact so far all are strongly against it.

Listen up BH (as they say in the US)

I am Downunder in Australia (should it be listen down)

Point being that wherever we are in the world we are all saying the same thing

Ok people baby steps here, you know i have taken and acted on every single piece of advice you guys have given me, i trst you know better and i will take it into consideration but this is a OBSESSION/FANTASY and the only way its going to sink in thats a bad idea is by me going to that store before xmas party and seeing OW at work surrounded by her gang, this might shock me out of it. However this will address only part of the reasons i want to go to that party, the other GREAT side is preventing her from doing this to yet another family. How can i achieve this target/goal?? and still maintain grace??? yes there is alot to do with revenge, she stole something thats mine and hasnt been punished for it but i can live with that and maybe get over that one day, but what about the other families?? How can i let her do this to other people???

so xmas party aside here is my update regarding M adn WS.

WS still working his socks on himself (why he had affair, his character weaknesses setting himself boundries so A will not reaccur etc). Glad he is doing something about situation however WHAT ABOUT ME??????????????????????? where do i fit into all of this??? Yeah i get his working on himsel will lead to the greater good one day but right now im frustrated!! I have been put in position to give give and give some more and i cant take it any longer, the man needs to think about me for a sec here cause i feel like im being left outside in the cold again, waiting for him to figure out how to use the key to let me back in, yeah its nice to see him actually try different keys and search for the right lock combination rather than standing there like a lemon watching me freeze but it doesent change the fact im freezing standing outside alone.

Task set by Steve for WS fails miserably as WS starts sentances with "STEVE told me that A happened because......
NOT

"Steve helped me realise that A happened because ......

One step forward two steps back!

BH,

Here's the thing, you can't. You cannot control her, you can't control her actions, you can't control her future. You aren't that powerful....

I mean in all seriousness, let's say you go to this party and warn all the people. She gets embarressed and quits. Then you go to her town and post fliers and hand out information door to door. She gets embarressed and moves. So you go to her next town and start everything all over.....now who's in control??

You??.....nope, now your fixation/obsession has taken over. And it rules all aspects of your life.....

Let me ask you this.....all those people on FB who told you stories, do you hold them responsible for not letting you or your H know about this woman?...think on that answer.....

I understand the need/want/desire to do this, I truly do. BUT the very best revenge you can get on this woman is to work on the marriage and be the best YOU you can be......

Not2fun

Not2Fun yours was the first thread i read on this site (and was so angry that all the posts from you busting WS have gone missing and having spent 3 hours reading the thread and cheering you on etc i missed the good part where things really turned around with you and your WS) you are one of the people i admire on the site and respect but i would hope you really dont think im that dumb as to go to xmas party to tell everyone what she is about, thats way too stupid an approach even for me.

The best thing i can do is not to mention anything about her or A at xmas party that way all those not so lovely people who justified her actions and had doubts about my exposure email will see im not the crazy one. Im not BITING thats it. She is a drinker so im only going to be there to give her enough rope to hang herself. and beleive me with her attention seeking behaviour it wont take long before she hits that bottle and make a fool of herself, has been doing so regularly abandoning her kid with her parents on a weekly basis but xmas party shell actually have a reason to drink.

You have seen my email exchanges with her, she thought i was a mouse then it bit her in the backside when i exposed to all FB friends! She has an ability to look like innocent ickle OW and when your THAT ugly people dont see the possibility of her seducing all those men...... beleive me now people have changed towards her at work after exposure email, if she calls in sick there is no sympathy (she is now on a final warning one more sickness and shes out), if she makes a work mistake people are snappy at her,she went from being hailed as professional to incompetent (ws got me copy of her work appraisal her work performance is now a joke) its great! WS behaving well in store has also gone a long way and alot of people who boycutted him and stopped talking to him after A exposure are now on his side because he has proven he is still a nice genuine guy that made a mistake. She has been exposed. I just need to push that final nail in her work coffin so to speack. I have tortured her enough now that she IS scared of me and she will spend the evening wondering when im going to make my move. I wont make any move because i wont need to she will be paniking enough already. Last time i went to the store she hid, actually hid in the office the whole time, so please dont underestimate what i have done to her so far as... you only know a little bit about it. Try immagining getting my friends to call her telling her they are (any of the men she has slept with) girlfriends and they have just discovered STD so got number from current boyfriend of all women he had unprotected sex with because they need to get treated. LOL you should have heard her literally poop herself with worry (also confirming that she has regular unprotected sex ewwww).

I have retreatted from the fight with her for WS job sake but why cant i have some fun?? they had fun at my expense. its only right i have some fun at hers at the xmas party.

Hi Brutallyhonest28,

Give the guy a chance! At least he is with you and working on it. Even if his wording isn't pc, at least it shows he is listening to Steve and if he realises his own errors in all this he will work on those and the consequences will be beneficial for you. When he has got himself in order, then he can focus on you. Have you another session set up with Steve? Ask him if you should set a deadline in your own mind as to when WS should start working on your needs.

In the meantime, get those Extraordinary Precautions in place and implement your boundaries. Try to have fun times together, even if at home.

Reading my last post does make me think that i am immature and i dont disagree with that but i have been sensible for a long time and not had much fun doing that yet they actually had fun. he did with her what i had beeb dying for him to do with me for 10 years so im frustrated as anything and feeling down made xmas paty my wayward night. I have been miserable for so long is it really that hard to immagine that i would fantasise about party as day to let go of some of that misery??

For 10 years i waited for WS to take me out on a date he never did, yet he took her out alot
for 10 years i waited for WS to show me that he cared about me in some way that i understood he didnt, yet he showed her the greatest care by willing to abandon his family for her (he set date to end our marriage so they can be together).
All i want is a fraction of the fun they had together and yet when it comes to me WS is suddently stumped for ideas and is up his own backside working on himself. Does anyone out there get what im saying??

Bh,

First off, I thin you have me confused with NotSure.....
No biggie deal to me as I admire her as well, but I've been around a bit longer than that.......

Anywho, you are better than this. Revenge is a face not well worn........or as another wise VET around here taught me....."Revenge is like drinking a cup of poison and waiting for the other person to die..."

not2fun

I DONT KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN WITH ALIEN WS. I knew how to have fun with loving sweet H i married but not this monster im stuck with. When he is here all i he reminds me of is the pain he caused, until he starts turning things round for me (not just himself) then i dont know what to do... ill say it again, HE broke my heart HE should be fixing it, i tryed my best to fix it myself but all i managed was to put a plaster on it.

Hey BH
I'm all for having fun! Just make sure the fun you have won't leave you with a horrible headache, or heartache in the end. Like I stated earlier, she is hardly worth the effort to ruin as it seems she is doing a fine job of that herself. Make sure that all the energy put into this doesn't keep you from having the energy you need for your self, your family and yes, your WS. People in her "class" rarely look back to see the devestation they have caused. Trust me when I tell you, if this woman (term used loosly) doesn't own up to who and what she is, she will pay a price to high for even her to pay. History seems to repeat itself if the path doesn't change direction. She does have a daughter who has and will continue to be an innocent victim in this wretched person's pursuit of evil. Whereas your precious children will be the recipients of a healthy, intelligent, strong vital woman and mother and soon to be parents, marriage and family.

Trust me when I say this to you. When I first found out about my WS and OW, I was just as scared for her as I was for him and our family. Then fear turned into empathy and sympathy for the predicament we all found ourselve in. After all she is only 2
years older than our daughter(ewwwww). Now, that has turned into anger and disgust, for her and him. So I find myself moving through the stages of grief and loss. I can only hope I keep moving. I don't like this part of the journey and look forward to the day where it is a distent memory. Until that time; however, I muddle through the mud and muck and hope that I can believe whole heartedly the things I am telling you.

As for WS thinking of you and your needs, remembering you are outside freezing....just yell at him to get a clue and throw you a coat...If he's anything like mine, it'll take a while. Let's try to find hope in the fact that they are trying...miserably I might add but still trying.

Not2fun it was definitley your thread i was referring to in my post the "Mr not takes a stand" you finding her stuff in his bathroom (i think it was perfume), the snooping in his car and really hating the snooping, I promise you i sat glued to the thread for hour reading all of it, cheering you on, laughing at your sense of humor and crying when you were hurt. I really admire you so dont sell yourself short

Betty i HATE myself, i dont like the way I look, i dont like who i am so no i rather spend my energy on her as wasting energy on me is hopeless, felt like this for years about myself and if anyone even dared tell me how beautiful i was i would literally cringe with yukkiness, so people have learned to leave that alone. As far as my family goes i feel guilty whenever i am near the children, i feel like i let them down badly by letting this affair have the effect it has had on me. And WS well right now i dont have a H, i have alien so not much to say about redirecting my energy towards him.

HEY BH
I do want to say I get it when it comes to WS, mine pursued her, bantered with her all day long, sought her out to have lunches, drinks with friends after work. Talked and or texted all day every day except on week-ends(home with me then)on Mondays am first thing all day all over again sharing all his wants, needs, desires, concerns, fears, all the emotional stuff I have begged for for years. that is what has broken my heart into a million pieces. the very thing i had wanted and been waiting for and hoping for and working for he gave willingly to a 24 yr old baby. who not only doesn't know what to do with it will never value what she was given. now, i find myself pushing myself to listen to all of it , trying not to gag on the leftovers, trying to be thankful for what he is sharing now. talk about feeling like your second best....how about not even on the list.

yes BH I GET IT

I totally get what you are saying here. This past six months WS has paid for OW to go to Las Vegas twice, the Colorado river once, Mexico all inclusive once, London all inclusive once, Jewellery, family meal at swanky hotel and birthday party at his apartment. Plus weekend outings, all bar and restaurant bills.

He never organised a single thing when we were together and never offered to pay for anything. My reasoning is that he took me for granted. Knew I would be there. But has to pay for these things with OW to impress her and keep her around. May or may not be true but makes me feel better.

TM, ouch... that hurt me just reading it and its not even my WS so im really sorry he has taken you for granted and only wish one day he will wake up and realise what he has lost.
Financially we are on the breadline (despite both of us working) so we have never had spare cash for anything but i have never cared about that while WS does. Money wise I only care that he spent the family money that was meant to go on food and petrol for the week on the hotel room he betrayed me in. I just wanted him to take me out occasionally, dont care where and about the expenses, im a simple girl, love carnations, love silver (hate gold) dont like diamonds (ethical reasons). Love the sea, love the outdoors, so its not like im such a complicated girl in need of money items etc..
Even the upcoming inheritance i have we were planning to buy family car to accommodate 7 seats, going on holiday to butlins and considered renewing our vowes by having the wedding we never had so its just a simple life idont want the world i just want to be part of his world.

I suppose that's the thing. We didn't want much so never got much. When you get to Butlins with the vow renewal, extend the invite to me! I have heard Bognor is quite good.

BH
I think that is what all BS have in common, we want to be part of WS world, I guess most of us thought we were. I gave mine a card the other day that loosly stated that once my heart was given to him, 28 years ago it is not mine to take back. I then wrote in the card something to this effect:

The gift I gave him he never fully unwrapped, he set it down commented on the pretty packaging and once in a while picked it up, shook it, maybe even lifted some of the tape to peek inside, then lost interest and set it aside. every once in a while he would blow the dust off and move it from place to place until finally putting it somewhere out of site. Somewhere down the road he decided he didn't need or want what was inside, so carelessly he tossed it into the garbage. The garbage was then carted away and dumped into a land fill. There it was covered by all kinds of lifes leftovers and cast aways. Now, after deciding he might really need or desire what was in that package he has to find the land fill, dig through tons and tons of life's leftovers until he finds the package that has now been ripped, squashed and flattened, most likely what was inside is broken at the very least. After finding package he has to clean it off, bring it home and try to lovingly clean the pieces that are left, find a glue that will be strong and hold and stand up to the test of time to piece it back together. After opening he will then realize that what was inside was a living, beating heart. He will then have to do CPR violent in it's delivery but necessary for life. Then if it starts to beat, he will have to lovingly, tenderly nurture it, care for it and hope that under his watchful eye it will once again start to grow. Only after it starts to grow and accept the nourishment will it again regain it's strength, the strength it will need to be vulnerable to the very hands that threatened it's very exsistence in the first place. So, is this a task he is willing to undertake, because if it is, the task at hand is almost insurmountable, not impossible, but it will take all of everything he thought he had to offer. so unless he was willing to dive into the garbage, the gift is better left undisturbed, left to die. Yet if he can see himself capable of recognizing the gift among the garbage, cleaning it and himself off and if he was willing to take the time to do the necessary work and care, the gift would be forever grateful and find peace and solace in the hands that once cost it it's very life. The gift would then spend the rest of it's life giving him what it had waited so long to give....itself.

LOL ofcourse and your WS so he can see if he puts effort in and gets his head straight he could be going to his own wedding renewal it makes me sad to think that he has given up on himelf. OW not welcome unless she enjoys mudcake in face.

Not going to renew vowes until marriage is in better shape, Butlins Bogna sounds good but still not like somewhere sunny. Im missing some sunshine!! not fan of british summers. Not having vow renewal in butlins by the way lol they were two separate plans.

betty i got goosebumps and teary eyes, how can someone not appreciate and totally cherish someone who can write things like that!

Dear BH
I guess that is why we both find ourselve here? Thank you for the compliment. I think we can both agree that we are married to and desire to stay married to .....BIG DUMB STUPID HEADS!

how's that for grown-up literary verbage! lol