I've found that WH's understand exposure better than WW's. Men seem to be able to "get" what you are doing much better than women.

But, if he doesn't get it, and attacks you for it, simply state what your motivation was, and say you will never apologize for trying to save your M.

If he doesn't get it now, he will.

Hang in there. You're doing great.

Thanks imanotherone,

I like this response. I might miss out the POS reference though.

Marshmallow,

Thank you for interpreting the latest e-mail. It was my thought too that even though WS didn't respond to me he did speak to OW about the e-mails.

I'm sorry Marshmallow I don't know your story and don't know if you are a man or a woman. Why do you think that men "get" exposure better than women?

Thank you for your encouraging words.

I'm a woman... a FWW.

And I base my opinion just on what I have read here.

The only time I've seen a WH react badly to exposure was when his job was threatened. And that was only ONE WH. And he eventually came around.

WW's are another matter entirely.

Hey TM, sorry your still having a hard time with all of this going on. The only thing i didnt get is why you didnt use the exposure email to tell your point of view?? WS and OW are getting away with painting you out to be the monster in this situation by claimng you were mean to WS and his family etc, Why didnt you fight back? Why didnt you fully expose your WS cheating behaiour before and during relationship with OW?
These are vital items that will justify your contact with OW friends rather than the email seem to be just a stating information they were probably aware of.

Its done now but if you get the above points you can reply to OW friends replyes to exposure email in a way that will get them asking her questions about her relationship with WS. Let me put it this way, the people that felt so strongly about getting your email are probably the people closest to OW, therefore they were defending her by slamming you, if you can get through to these people and give them the unedited side of your story then they are the people who are most likely to influence OW and her relationship with your WS. Go back and read the replyes you got. choose the worse ones and make a point of replying nicely not in a desperate way but in a way that it will make them understand your position no matter who they are.

If you need help with this email me and ill happily review each reply for you and help you answer in a way taht will make them engage in conversation with you.

Trying to educate OW's friends is a waste of time, IMO.

They wouldn't be her friends if they didn't have the same stinking values she does.

THIS is where you really need to hit her. Any leads on her parent's phone number?

You need to ring up that tart's family and ask if they really raised their daughter to commit adultery.

One more thing...


Now that she knows you will pass her emails onto your WH, she knows she'd better be careful what she says to you. He probably told her to stop emailing you. Which is why she said she won't do it again.

If he finds out she did, she will say, she JUST wanted to apologize.

When the truth is, she wrote that last email b/c she wants you to stop exposing her.

She's Especially worried you might expose to her parents.


Oh, and none of THIS was directed at you...

All of it was put there for WH to read in case you share it w/ him.

She doesn't give a crap what you think of her.

Brutally Honest28, Marshmallow and Pariah

OW says in her e-mail that she is not normally vindictive. Well, she would say that wouldn't she? In the same way, a BS is obviously going to want to let people how nice she is and relate all the good experiences between WS and BS. OW friends are unlikely to want to believe anything positive about the BS. In my replies to OW's friends I did take the opportunity to relay a few things regarding our relationship.

I am sure that I did contact OW's mums in my first round and I don't know what would be achieved by contacting them again. I don't have their phone numbers. If they reply to my mail, then that will be my opportunity to open up a dialogue with them. If they don't respond, then they are not interested anyway.

If you still have the parents' emails, use them again. And again. That's what the OW told you NOT to do. Whenever she and WH WANT you to do something, you do the opposite.
They want you quiet.
You make noise.
They don't sound clever enough to try reverse psychology.

TM -- Great job.

Please be sure to use IMA's very classy, high-road response to each that sent you a message.

You have the high road TM. Stay on it and conduct yourself with class and dignity! BrutallyHonest is right -- each of those friends that sent you "negative" messages are the ones who have the most influence with OW. If you send them the response that IMA suggested, they really can't argue with it! Its brilliant!

Be prepared with your mantra when WH calls you -- you are doing this to save your marriage. Your marriage is important and you will do whatever is necessary to save it. Committing adultery is wrong, exposing it is not.

If I had a dime for every BS who says that about the OW's parents. Why are women so afraid to be seen as strong and fighting for what they deserve? Is it because we were raised to be 'nice'? Now is not the time to be polite and shy and retiring. You need a real dialogue with her parents and whatever siblings etc. she has. She has specifically told you NOT to contact these people. These are the people she is scared to death that you will contact!

What is your marriage worth? Is it worth $300 to hire a PI to find out their contact information?

I'm a mother. And if my son's (or daughter) ever cheated on their future spouse and the BS called me, I'd be very grateful. And yes, they'd get an earful from me.

Just like my H's mother did when I called her.

Yup. I have adult children too and I would not HESITATE to say my piece to a wayward child of mine. I would be GRATEFUL to be told. My child would be mortified that I knew. However, admittedly, not everyone shares the same values.

My MIL was very understanding. And she completely told H that what he had done was wrong wrong wrong and there was absolutely no justification for it.

My MIL is wonderful. She has been an unexpected source of support. She listened to me bawl in the parking lot of my OB-Gyn's office when I went to go get tested for STD's. She cried with me and said that I shouldn't have to suffer because of HIS bad decisions, etc. I am very glad she knows what happened.

I have told both D29 and D16 that married people "do not date". If either of my Ds did this in the future and I got a call from a BS, I would personally pick up the BS go to my daughter's house and whop them in public.

You know where my sympathy lies.

WS just called - he said he was concerned because I hadn't been online IM for a few days. I have honestly been out with friends. He was keen to know where I was going and who with. I was suitably vague.

He really wanted to know how I managed to e-mail three of her relatives in my first round. I declined to tell him, but made him laugh in the process - I think that he likes my sense of humour.

He wanted to know whether I had any plans to e-mail more. I said I didn't have plans to on Monday until I received threatening, abusive e-mails encouraging me to do so.

He knew about her apology e-mail but said it was nothing to do with him. Yeah right.

We then talked a bit about my neice (who is going through hard times) and I said under normal circumstances, I would ask him to give her a call. He said he would think about it.

We then discussed a message I had sent him with his favourite chocolate and he said he would read it again and let me know nect week.

I finished with this: You know how hard I am fighting for our marriage. And you know how much I want you? Yes, he said. So, I said, why isn't anyone fighting for OW?
Long pause, I will think about it.

At the end he repeated that he was just calling to see how I was.

It was a mistake to answer his question this way.

You didn't do it to be vindictive, you weren't motivated to expose b/c she upset you...right?

You did it TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE.

Your response said, otherwise.

Still, exposure had a big impact on their A. It seems to be the only subject either of them are interested in.

Please reconsider exposing MORE. Hire a PI like Cat suggested and phone her parents.

Yup, AND to find out if you are finished exposing.

I just wanted to add, that I think you are very brave to step so far out of your comfort zone and expose at all. It is clear that you are a very nice person, who would rather not confront anyone. Just know that we are trying to nudge you further b/c we know that exposure is your greatest weapon in destroying this A.