What I SHOULD have done was let her go on her 700 mile trip - she had 2$ in her purse - wonder how long Mr Wonderful would have supported her....

The fact that this CAN happen is why I have been so careful over the past three years to make sure I stay always on target - the CRAP I had to go through with the kid's mother (my exW) caused so much pain that I swore I would do all I could to protect CJ.

My marriage vow to her (we have it taped to our headboard):

"I, David, in faith, honesty and love, take you, Cindy, to be my wedded wife to share with you God's plan for our lives togther united in Christ. And with God's help to strengthen and guide me, I will be a strong spiritual leader for us in our life. I promise to you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, and my most tender care. Through the pressures of the present and the uncertainties of the future, I promise to be faithful to you - for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, in joys and in sorrows until in death do we part. I give you all that I have: myself and my love. All these things I pledge to thee, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. With this ring I seal my vow of love to you, Cindy, and pray that I will fulfill God's place in our home..."

CJ's vows are quite similar...

The ironic thing is, CJ wrote most of that (I love her way with words.) I read them often...

Theoldfool,

First let's get something straight, you are NOT old. Ok! You are giving us much OLDER folks things to worry about.

Second, I am sure there is some commonality in your W's and/or in your treatment of them. You are well advised to examine both of these things carefully.

Third, her choice to have an affair is just that...HER CHOICE. It had nothing to do with you. She could have asked for a divorce, she could have asked you to address what she felt were your inadequcies, she could have sought counseling or even advice here. She did none of those things.

The part everyone including yourself is having a hard time getting their head around is that she has been her, she knows the pain, she knows how cowardly WS's are. Yet, she did and is doing this.

You need to expose to family and friends, and you need to let her know that you know a great deal about what she is doing. Next you need to make some plans. First, what are going to do if she leaves. Second, what are you going to do if she stays.

Both plans should be discussed the folks here, the Harley's if possible, and an attorney. You need to protect yourself and your children.

I am sorry you are back here again. I do remember you and your W from the old days. I and others here will help you anyway we can.

Please think about these things.

God Bless,

JL

Hi JL! Hey - I FEEL old!

Lots of love to you! I hate meeting with friends only in painful circumstances...

You are very right about the plans - I cannot continue living like this if she stays - it is way too painful. And life would be awful for her if she left - she has no real path to take...

I did want to add this though (at least, it's a new one for me...)

I accessed all of CJ's passwords and sent myself a complete copy of the list. I also set up her chat logs so that I can access them from my computer.

Reading through the rather extensive dialog she's been having with 'Anthony' (her lover) I've noted some really strange things:

1) He has no idea she is married. She has formulated an entire world for his benefit. Even her kids are just friends she knows...

2) She sent him pictures from our honeymoon (!) and told him that these were random pictures of her from her many travels - and that she has strangers snap the shots for her....

Our honeymoon! That trip was so special to me - and those photos are such a treasure - I am stunned and so sick.

She plans to make weekend trips down to see him - and then return to work the next week....

WHAT ON EARTH? I know the fog can get rather thick - but GOOD LORD! How blind can you get?

What is hurting me the most, though, is the way she is acting right now: she is all over me - gifts, hugs, kisses, sex, walks.... and she is repeating things that she tells me to him - and vice versa - kinda like a double life. I cannot see WHY she would be doing this - I know she is planning on taking off as soon as another check hits the bank - why would she be so oblivious to the fact that the more she does, the worse the pain to her family will be when she leaves?

I'm soooo sorry you are going through this. CJ posted to me a time or two awhile back. I too am shocked. But mainly shocked at how waywards can act so idiotic. We've always said around here to not even try to figure out what the hayul a wayward is thinking. So true in this case. I think she's gone off the deep end.

She has lost all touch with reality.

You need to protect yourself and your finances from her, like yesterday.

TOG, go rock her world with a nuclear exposure. Have you read Dr Harley's recent newsletter about exposure? Exposure

You are also unfairly causing scrutiny to the honest vets who are on here helping. Exposure, Oldfool. Use it. You know that.

Ahhh, posted too fast.

Oh lord! I just went back through her email history - the first email that is still saved is on June 9th! Half of this year? How blind am I????

I plan on exposing this thing today - but I am so tired and I can't think very clearly - could use prayers, etc...

I would expose to the OM first of all, since he seems to have no idea that she's married. The entire thing will likely blow up in her face once the OM discovers that she's married and that her 'friends' are actually her children.

That is sort of my plan - not sure what the fallout will be..... I have pretty much everything ready - and am also going to show one of her emails to our oldest daughter - the one where she claims that our daughter is a good friend that she met here in Oregon...

Good luck.
Sorry you have to make so many painful choices.
Stick closely to the MB rule book.
Call for a Harley appointment if WW says she wants to stay married to you.

Ok, committed now - sent a letter to the OM, and showed our daughter the email lying about CJ's kids. Daughter was very hurt - I feel so terrible for her, but she is 20 and I needed to give her a heads up about the storm that is coming....

When just now checking to see whether OM was married I noticed this:

TOF,

Something is wrong here. I suspect she either feels guilt or she is so remorseless that she is just setting you up for the kill.

Given that I have spoken with her in the past it is hard for me to believe the latter choice and I suspect it is for you. However, given how things are going I would definitely protect myself financially as well as legally.

How is her daughter taking this? Is she going to call her mom and let her know what she now knows? Is she for you two staying together?

Final comment. "The FOG" is the very definition of Oblivious so you should not be surprised that she is not considering the pain she will be inflicting on you or the family. But, my guess is deep down she knows hence her actions toward you.

Hang in there.

God Bless,

JL

True - there are two others - one that sort of slipped off the map a few months ago - I assume a flame that burned out - and the other I intend to address: she lied to him last week, telling him she was taking a few days to 'head to the coast' to cover her trip south...

Weirdness...

To tell you the truth, I am still not sure. I called her on the affair a while ago, she admitted it with almost no emotion - some tears, and then kinda went on with her day. I am really confused. I guess I'll wait for the other shoe to drop (perhaps when she hears from OM who has just found out that she is married with children?)


Her daughter still lives with us - she is finishing her last term of school and preparing to move out. XXXX was very hurt - she sat very quietly (a rarity for her) and pretty much just repeated 'that sucks, that sucks' over and over. She is now out walking around town; I'll check in with her when she gets back (we have become very close friends.)


I am in a sort of fog myself right now - I am not sure at all where we stand.... I made it clear it needs to end, and I am willing to work on my part of our marriage....but its really quiet right now...

*sigh*

Sounds like she is looking around for a new meal ticket. Sad. Why not get a JOB instead. She may have too much time on her hands.