Agree with Lexxy. You need to stop communicating with him. If he knows you're reading his texts, even if you don't respond, that's NOT plan B.
That's plan A-minus. (The minus being all the carrot stuff in plan A)

You are all right. I guess I am still too hopeful that this marriage will be saved. Hard to get away from that. That coupled with the anger of what he is putting my daughters through just makes me want to strangle him (or cry). I go back and forth. LOL

OK - Just tried to block his number and my service won't do it because we are on the same plan. Now what? I am a stay at home mom, so getting a new phone with a new number is out of the question. Our personal finances are in such a state that another phone bill is out of the question. Any ideas?

Do you have pay as you go phones in the US, you can always get a pay as you go chip and put it in your exsisting phone. Only take the original call plan chip with you when you go out in case you need to make a call and you run out of credit. Give anyone who you are comfortable talking to your new number and keep people you dont want to talk to out of the loop. when someone calls your old number it will just appear as your phone is switched off so your not offending anyone a part from WS.

Not a bad idea. Problem is we don't use a home phone anymore, and I use my cell for everything. Concerned about expense. I am sort of at a loss here as to what to do. I don't answer his calls or texts. Actually haven't heard from him since Tuesday. He left us alone yesterday, as oldest told him via text that she didn't want to see him. It would be so much easier if I could block his number.

You know his number. Just don't answer.

I'm not - and thanks. i do think he is getting the point that I don't answer his calls or texts. Hopefully that will be enough

Don't read his texts either!

When your phone asks if you want to see text from WH's number, simply click NO. Then clear it out.
I know it will kill you to do this, and it's very hard, but if you don't, and if you give your IM any indication that you've seen his messages, then you've blown your plan B. Remember, you only get one chance to do a great plan B.

Good idea. Thanks. I will do that.

Thanks everyone for your support!

Claygal please remember WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU AND WANT THE BEST FOR YOU so please dont get upset we are all being harsh on you. ITS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. take care of yourseld and forget you have a H while your in plan B. Hard as it may sound pretend he has been hit by a bus, he is no longer there until he chooses to be there fully.

You can get a land line dirt cheap now. Surely you can afford $15/month to get away from him? Or is that just an excuse? Sorry to sound mean, just trying to get you to be honest with yourself.

Claygal,

My landline is part of my cable bill - costs me $20 per month and has unlimited long distance. I have a cell phone as well and that's really the expense - have been trying to figure out how to reduce that bill, but I really feel the need to have the cell phones for the DDs. I can track their whereabouts using the cell phone - it gives me peace of mind that WH wouldn't be able to run off with them (not that they would ever let him).

My WH was texting me like crazy before I went into Plan B - it got to the point where I didn't even want to have my cell phone because I hated the stupid text sound. I have blocked him from calling it now and my stress is greatly reduced.

And if your DDs have cell phones, he can always just call their cell phones if he wants to speak to them. If they want to ignore it, that's between him and them and has nothing to do with you.

If the texts continue I would send a very succint text back to him and the IM to the effect..."Please do not text me, I will delete any incoming texts from you."

There are many on here that have had to restate a Plan B when a WS has continued to overstep the boundary.

Not adhering to a firm Plan B by the WS is a way for them to negotiate having their affair partner AND their spouse in their life again... It usually means the AP is not enough for them.

Have you seen "Why did I get married"? If you haven't, I wouldn't right now, it has triggering moments. But their is a scene where the men are talking about seeing a pretty woman and wondering what it would be like to have a R with another person. That who you have married gives you 80% of what you want and need in a partner, and when another person comes along that offers that other 20%, it is very tantalizing.... But a smart man would not throw away 80% for 20%, like one character in the movie...and to spoil the ending a bit, one ex-wife says to her ex-husband, "I hope you are happy with your 20%."

So your husband is trying to negotiate a return to stasis, 100%, where he had you both. This is why affairs rarely last, the AP can not fulfill the WS's 80%.

You have no control over the A, it has it's own course it will follow. Plan B is not a manipulation or a tactic, it is just a way for you to get out of the way and protect yourself and the love you have left so when the A implodes you will have the strength to recover. Please take care of yourself and save your strength.

My suggestion is to just delete the texts without reading them, or have someone forward them to your IM. Be a bulldog about protecting your heart.

Thanks stillhere. I am trying to protect my heart right now. The last few days it has been so broken and I am in SO much pain. It is just very hard. When does the pain end? I am trying to do things for myself and for my girls. It is just so hard sometimes to function.

WH is making little attempt to talk to girls. I did email him again to ask him to respect my boundries. That I was not going to see him or talk to him. I did this according to your suggestion. I then recieved another text from him which I deleted.

Called youngest this morning and left voice mail. Won't even call oldest because she is more straight-forward and has told him she doesn't want to see him, so I guess he has given up. Upsets my youngest just to see that he has called. How do I deal with that?

Youngest is in a heap crying again. WH wants to take them to IL's the day after Thanksgiving and she doesn't want to go. His wayward behavior is killing her and I don't know what to do for her. Tried to explain that he is just in a very selfish place right now. How do you deal with the devastation to the kids?

Hey Clay ((((((clay))))

I know you love your kids and that comes accross from your posts more than anything, my advice to you is as follows.

Sit down with DD's and listen to how they are feeling, help them understand what/how they are feeling and help where you can (for exaple if one D thinks her dad loves her less than other D then explain thats not the case, he is just talking to the one who is diappointed in him the least, he loves both of them just in a bad place right now and probably using one D to help him communicate with the other D etc)

Let DD tell you and just listen then suggest they write down how they feel in a journal so they have a place to express their upset. Also suggest DD's write letter to WS telling him how they are feeling and you make sure IM pass letter on for them. Explain that right now you have no choice but to cut WS off for his own good but you wont be upset angry or disapointed in any way if DD's have contact with him or want to see him, tell them he is their Daddy and no matter what happens that fact wont change, he loves them very much and none of this is their fault, they are beautiful and smart enough.

Im sure you wouldnt but just in case dont transfer your feelings of rejection to the girls, because he loves them and he isnt rejecting them out of hatred or because any of you arent good enough, he is the one who is too weak and hasnt got the bottle to work on M and having a stable family.

if it comes to it post your DD's questions and feelings on here and im sure the Vets will come along and help you deal with them.

Update: WH came by house this morning after gym. I wasn't going to let him in, but he started calling and texting my cell phone and then started calling and texting the girls. I didn't want him to wake them up. He said he needed a few things, so I let him in. I went out back for a cigarette (bad habit I picked back up after DD) and he came out shortly. Started asking me what I did last night. I didn't want to tell him but he kept prodding. Finally told him that the girls had a softball game. He was mad that he wasn't invited. Told him that I told both girls to call him if they wanted him there and they told me they didn't, so I respected their wishes. Shared that neither daughter wanted to go to in-laws for Thanksgiving. He said he already knew that. Shared that youngest cried after getting text from him yesterday and that she had finally shared with me and her sister that she thought she could feel better about him if he would come home.

He sat there and said "I don't know what I want to do right now. I don't want to come home too soon and decide to leave again. (good I guess?)"

Told me that the no communication with me thing wasn't working for him. I told him again that seeing/talking to him wasn't working for me at all and to please respect my wishes. He said he understood.

He went in to bedroom to talk to youngest daughter. Not sure exactly what he said. Came out and said it was clear that DD's and I didn't want him there right now and he was leaving.

NEVER went in to oldest's room to see her or talk to her. She is very hurt that he is making no effort with her.

Went in to check on youngest and she was crying AGAIN. I am so tired of him hurting her. I think his not making a decision is killing her inside, and any contact with him is hurting her.
I fianlly told her that I was not going to talk to WH in order to make myself stronger and to protect my heart. That I was doing it not to be mean, but to take care of myself. I told her that if she didn't feel strong enough to deal with him right now that she shouldn't (maybe I'm wrong?). That maybe right now she should think about herself and taking care of herself and her heart until she feels stronger, and not worry about him. He needs to worry about himslef and what he is doing. She seemed to feel better after. I can't stand seeing her in pain. I am so angry at WH for not seeing the pain he is causing both of them.

So.. Oldest and I talk. She is mad that he didn't try to talk to her, but said she knows it's because she will be blunt with him. (which she will, and has been in the past) She just calls 'em like she sees 'em! LOL

So... just now I get a voice mail and text message from him. WHAT DOES HE NOT UNDERSTAND???????? I didn't answer. I did open text, and he just wanted to bring some stuff by.

I am going to contact IM and have her forward her contact info AGAIN, and maybe he'll get it. I have not wanted to be ugly create LB's - I know I know, you don't have to say it, I'm in plan B - but I will start taking drastic measures if he won't start respecting my boundries. I am thinking of a cheap land-line, and possibly a new cell phone. I'll have IM send my old one to him and tell him to take me off the account.

So because I ddin't answer calls/ texts. DD's just came out to tell me that he had been calling them too and oldest finally picked up. Said he needed to pick up some more things from house. HE WAS JUST HERE!!!!!

I AM GOING CRAZY!! WOULD LIKE HIM TO LEAVE ME ALONE AND RESPECT MY BOUNDRIES FOR ONCE!!

Why is he doing this. Has anyone else had this type of experience? What are his motives?

Claygal Well done im sooooooooooo proud of you, plan B is working and his idle threats are soo wasted on you cause you can interpret WS lingo now so well done really really well done. I bet you feel good being chased rathern than doing the chasing for a change. Hold onto that feeling as it may get you through more tough times to come as WS seems to want to breack you at any cost (ie involving your DD's emotions etc).

I would get IM to forward her details again to get the message that the meeting he had with you today has not weakened his reserve, ask IM to get him to give her list of items he needs to pick up and you will make sure they are by the door when he arrives so you wont have to have any contact with him. WAY TO GO CLAYGAL!!

PS stop opening his text messages!!

My advice regarding DD's is still the same get them to write to their father on their own terms and tell him what they want and how they feel. Try your best not to influence what they say and tell them its ok for them to still love him and want to be around him. He is their father no matter what he did.