Yup, Mulan....Ahhhh, I guess there is still some stuff that makes me smile about waywards...FANTASY BUSTIN'!

And if anyone tells you to "be an adult about this", just inform them that you were not going to be part of a threesome while married and you are NOT going to be part of a threesome while divorced. And you do not want your children thinking that these arrangements are okay whether married OR divorced.

And oh, yeah, I was angrily told to stop being so judgmental, too.

I told him it was too bad HE wasn't more judgemental about the people HE was keeping company with.

Well, he can spend all the time he wants with them now. Sorry to have busted the fantasy that we might be "friends" or he could "drop in" from time to time.

No way. No threesomes while married and no threesomes when divorced. A horrible example for DS21. No way, no way, no way.
Mulan

A-M-E-N!!!!!The wayward gets only ONE. The spouse OR the OP.

Mulan, You go girl!!!

I'm sorry , Mulan. How long ago was your XH's traumatic brain injury?
If only we could aspire to be as adult and mature and non-judgemental as our ever so highly evolved WSs. These sainted folks really know the meaning of life, the old live and let live, love the one you're with, let ye without sin cast the first stone, deal.
When will we petty BSs ever understand that we were put on this earth to serve them and we should be grateful that they deign to acknowledge us.

Yeah, I think that my WH got mixed up with the "love the one you're with" and thought it was "love the one you work with".

And mine thought it was "love the one you pick up in a sleazy bar."

Yes, I just mentioned this movie to my second cousin from Texas and his neice/wife. He wanted to open up a can of whoopass on the guy,as well.

I get the act like an adult line from POSOM via exWW all the time. I heard he's pretty upset that I subpoena'd his mother, ex wife, 19 year old daughter, and 21 year old son for depositions in the alimony trial.

In POSOM's subpoena, I asked for his tax returns documenting that he reported income for his "barter" benefits from working for our farm as well as an affadavit from PA Child Support Enforcement stating that our business was not required to withhold his barter income to help pay off his $10,000 in back child support. The problem? POSOM hasn't filed his taxes in about 10 years!

POSOM has no one to blame but himself for inserting himself in both my exWW and our finances.

I have never understood how it is an "adult" behavior to be around someone who lies, cheats and otherwise abuses you. That doesn't sound very "adult" to me. In fact, that sounds pretty immature if you ask me. Even a 5 year old wouldn't want someone for a friend who abused him.

You are my hero, PSU!!

That's exactly what my FWH's parents did...very sick, twisted, and confusing to the children.

So, of course, FWH expected me to follow suit.

Boy was he surprised when he found out he would either be my husband in every way or no part of my life at all.

We "laugh" (kind of) about it now. About just how stupid waywards are.

Even if you are divorced - would you date someone who already had a boyfriend/girlfriend? Of course not. So why would an XWS think you would date *them* when you know bloody well they're already seeing someone else (cos that's why they left!) and why on earth would you even consider it??

If an XWS is not seeing anyone else and you want to date them and see where it goes - then sure. But if they're seeing someone else - well, would you date anybody else on this planet when you *knew* they already had a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Mulan

No, I wouldnt, but that didn't stop OW from "dating" *my* H. She knew very well he was M'd and had kids.

Cat

I really appreciate this thread and have read through it a couple times. Why?

Because this is the twisted mindset of my WW. A few months ago, she told me about a couple that divorced, but stayed really good friends -- to the point that they bought houses next door to each other (but were with new partners). My WW thought that was so cool and said that if things didn't work out between her and I, she hoped we'd have a good relationship like that.

Unfortunately, I don't know how to put the "throw-up cartoon guy" on here, but that's what I thought then and that's what I think now.

I will NOT make WW feel better about her pathetic behavior and skewed sense of reality by being chummy with her if Plan D materializes. As a matter of fact, there's no reason to have that mindset NOW since WW has moved out.

I am sickened by any WS that wants this "fantasy divorce". And the more I read this, the more I am disgusted with myself for not having more of a mindset like those of you here who have taken such a strong stand. Thank you. It's exactly what I needed to hear.

TB

Back in the days when the fog was London-thick -- probably a day or two after d-day -- my then WW mentioned that we could stay friends.

That's when I calmly explained to her, in a straightforward fashion with no rancor, that if we wound up getting a D that she would be dead to me, that I would never ever speak to her again, or even be in the same room with her again. Ever.

I didn't mention that it would be likely that our kids would by their own volition never speak to her again, but she kinda got that on her own. Stopped that s%%t in it's tracks, thankfully.

Gotta stay strong when they start spewing crap like that. Luckily it's working out quite well for us these days.

When the fog was what?

My opinion is that the attitude "we should stay friends" and "behave like adults" comes from (widespread?) standpoint that the person who wants divorce is not guilty for breakup. Or if there was infidelity then "WS was missing something from BS" and that makes actually BS guilty for divorce.

And if BS was guilty then of course he/she should behave and not make things worse

Recon, I am glad you are bringing up this point because this is what I am facing now. It has been 6 weeks of dark plan B for me and 2 months since we separated.
At this point people are starting to hint that if he did it twice and if now his 2nd A is with the neighbor downstairs then he must have been pretty desperate to resort to that...meaning the M was bad bad bad and because of me.
I try not to care about what people say..but it hurts.
Also, H is a smooth talker and I am sure he is giving people his side of the story: Atena was a real b**ch and I was so unhappy in the whole M but stayed till son graduated. It was so hard but I did it for him. Yes, now I am seeing someone else, but that was after I told Atena I wanted to separate (yeh sure...but he was still living with us and introducing me as his wife....)
I am really getting the short end of the stick in all this...

Atena, you are getting the GOOD END of the stick! As usual, you see the GLASS HALF EMPTY and don't see the good in this situation.

You have removed yourself from his circle of abuse and are recovering. Whereas, he is living in the sewer of his adultery in an environment where he has to justify and rationalize his lifestyle. Everywhere he goes, people know what he has done. He always has to wonder who knows what. Always looking over his shoulder because he wears a scarlet letter.

He is stuck with an OW who has ever growing needs and expectations and has 2 annoying little children. And you can bet she is watching him like a HAWK because she knows he is a cheater. She is probably driving him MAD nagging him about where he is, etc. I RELISH the thought of what his life is like right now.

And to add to the misery, he is now headed towards the first holidays without you. With a strange woman with whom he has no history and her loud little children. The holidays are a great wake up call for a WS in plan B. I am licking my chops!