I'm really lost... Are you getting a benefit from this?

I based my response on this. Chai has it nailed. The judgement is more beneficial to her as it stands, and WH's offer to do it differently would have had massive penalties attached to it, that he probably thought she was too stupid to understand.

Good for you to refuse!

You are exactly right Lexxy. Here is how it went:

Judge said assets split 50/50. Chai has $52K more in assets (401K) than WH, so WH gets $26K to make both even. Right? Simple?

Judge said Chai gets a store debt and WH gets our joint credit card debt (which he has been paying all along) PLUS Chai's Visa of $21K. WH does not want Chai's visa, so he says he will give it back to Chai, and take $21K less of Chai's 401K.

Why is this not a good deal? Exactly as Lexxy said. The real cost of the $21K debt is much higher (unless of course you just happen to have $21K sitting around to pay it, which neither one of us do). So the remaining options are to pay it over time and incur thousands in interest, or withdraw from 401K to pay it off which means taxes and penalty.

I hope that clears it up a little.


EXACTLY! This is why I said NO.



[/quote]

Sorry Queenie. It is a little confusing. Just know that WH taking the credit card debt is best for me, so I am not letting him give it back.

Boy, when BS's stand their ground the waywards hate us even more.

We need to stand up for ourselves so we don't hate OURSELVES. You need to continue to protect yourself and stand by the judgement. They are not thinking of us. They are in their own pity party because the full reality of financial disaster will hit him and boom it will be ugly. My XH used to have 800/month just to spend for gas (about $150) and the rest for whatever.

Now XH is in financial hole and he probably only has about $300/$400 hundred left a month if that and he is spending most of that on booze. sad sad sad. Financial fantasy is being hit by the karma bus full speed.

Chai, stay strong and stick to your guns.

Delusional pooheads. I'm getting ready to find out how to squeeze blood from a stone, too! Joy...

Me, too. Blood from a stone.

I'm being blamed for dragging it out, spending money we don't have, not moving on...

Hello. If you waywards had just got out of relationship #1 before jumping into relationship #2, a lot of this ugliness would have been prevented. Not all of it... but A LOT of it.

And EXPENSIVE. We could have told you that! They act like they had no idea of the cost....

Oh Chai, so sorry that this keeps dragging on. WH has tossed his family and now will start paying the consequences. So easy to fall into an affair, so hard to deal with the aftermath.......

CL,





WS: not getting what they want =

You are so right Luna.

Now his atty is going back to the judge to try to get assets and debt divided as of the separation date in 9/07. Of course my 401K was twice as big back then. I had riskier investments than WH, so my 401K fell in value a lot more than WH's. My atty says the order as stated says to divide the assets as of today, so he felt that things were pretty clear.

How can an atty keep keep questioning the judge's orders?

If the judge agrees to 2007, I guess I will have to give WH most of my 401K now.

I just can't believe this. I thought a decision had been made....

He can TRY but my guess is the Judge is going to ask him why the heck he didn't ask for that to begin with... the old saying in the practice of law is that you can't get what you don't ask for. I can't see the Judge going back on his order.

Chances are his attorney is doing it only at the behest of WH pressuring him to "do something." The attorney probably doesn't mind, just more $$ in his pocket.

This is getting ridiculous!

He's just being a D!ck. Wouldn't we all want the value of our 401Ks 2 years ago... and our homes....

Just stand your ground. If he keeps trying to change the orders, maybe you should ask for alimony. Afterall, he's the one with the job and the benefits while you are a small business owner hit hard by the recession.

Maybe...maybe...WH just wants another court date because you looked so HOT the last time he saw you. He's just looking for an excuse.

He was particularly turned on by your HAIR. Va Va Voom.

It really is. He keeps spending more on atty fees. He just won't let it end. Now I am afraid that I will have to give him my entire 401k. The value in Sept. 07 was twice what it is now.

I am beginning to hate this wayward.

LOL I did ask for alimony but didn't get it because his expert witness said that I can get a job. Guess they haven't heard about the unemployment rate.

Yes, it had to be the hair. But then again, I think he likes mullets now. I wouldn't be caught dead in one.

Hi CL,


What's your atty saying about this?

Hey Luna. Well, I don't want to write what my atty thinks (you can probably guess), but the way things have gone I am prepared for anything.

I just want this over now. I am looking at the cost of it as an investment in trying to save my M (thanks to JT for pointing that out to me). So, yes, I gave it everything I had (literally) and there is NOTHING more that I can do now so it needs to end.

Not sure where my life will go from here, but I need to work on that.

I had dinner earlier this week with two ladies that I attended D care with about 18 months ago. At the time, we were all newly seperated and for the same reason - infidelity. Since then, one has already gotten married again and the other has a serious BF. And I'm not D'd yet!!! Anyway, one of the WH still lives with the OP, and the other WH married the OP. Those two ladies obviously moved on so not sure why it is so hard for me......

Chai, 18 months is not long if you consider the length of your marriage - you can be proud of yourself that you fought for your marriage like this. One of my friends who will be getting married next year told me already after 4 weeks to give up What's the point of getting married if you give up straight away I ask???

I am not a very patient person - this is the first time in my life I have more patience then ever before and I am also proud of that.

Hey BSFY. You are right, we shouldn't give up so soon, but Ii think even Dr. Harley says two years is long enough to wait. I don't think I've seen any M recovered here after two years in Plan B. But yes, I am glad that I fought as hard as I did. Plan B actually doean't feel like I'm "fighting" but I guess I'm fighting the MB Way.

And I do know what you mean about patience. That is something I had to learn in this too. Boy was it hard.

Thank G-d you didn't pray for patience. Can you imagine what G-d would have given you if you had?

I LOVE YOU...

Hi CL,



So, if I understand it, CL, according to your definition, 'moving on' goes hand in hand with being in a new R?

..and if you are not (like yours truly )...what are we....'stuck'? chopped liver?

Because I am under the illusion that I am a GOODESS with or without a 'man' in my life!