Zelmo, you really should read Dr Harley's books before you discuss what he does or does not write about!
Put
Defending Traditional Marriage on your list.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6027_dtm.htmlForgive me if I am wrong, but you seem to have been on this site for over a year and have not read much of Dr Harley - even the free materials available on this website. If you have, you seem not to have understood him, not agreed with what you have come across via other posters and pushed instead the theories of Michelle Langley and Marc Rudov. You have, incidentally, managed to read
their books.
This whole thread is started from the premise that MEL believes that men can stay in Plan A for longer than women. If she randomly decides to choose gender, why shouldn't anyone else choose ethnicity or other factors. You do not seem to realise that the programme and advice come directly from Dr Harley and that Mel is not responsible for any of it! This whole thread is based on a misunderstanding, and so raises a straw man that you then successfully knock down.
I thought your thread about Dr Harley advocating telling the kids was yet another challenge from you about his credentials. I suspect he thought so too, and that is why he posted to you. You don't seem inclined to accept his qualifications, experience in practice and empirical research and yet you post to his site.
SC, first, I have read the free materials. Isimply have some questions about some of the things I have read.
I think you have misunderstood a couple things.
As regards the inquiry on disclosing to the kids, I have always agreed with Harley on this. In my initial inquiry into this, I asked if there were others supporting that view. I had recently posted to a guy on another site struggling with this issue and he ws under the impression that there was a consensus among therapists that kids should not be told. I directed him to this site and Harely's advice on this, indicating that Harley was a well respected expert and had good rationale for his position.
I am not sure if Dr Harelyread mypost in entirety. But, if he did, he would know that I was asking if others were in his corner and his response provided a good explanation for his view. I doubt he saw my post as a challenge, since it was clear I agreed and had, in fact, directed this guy here.
Langely and Rudov's views are not opposed to Harely's on recovery methods, at all. I don' think they even discuss recovery , but focus on the alleged differences in genders.But, even if one were to accept their views on the motivations for affairs, this in no way affects Harley's recommendation for recovery.
You seem to feel that by asking questions, I am in some way opposing Harley. In my profession, and due to my training, questions are viewed as a legitimate way to allow someone to support his view/theory. The inquiry re others support of kids disclosure is a good example. It allowed Harely to address the question and support his findings.
I think of this as a discussion forum, and the preamble to the site seems to support folks making inquiries, and getting clarification of the site owner's views.
One more thing, I never attributed the advice re the difference in time for the plans based on Gender to Mel. I simply cited her explanation of the rationale to me as part of my inquiry. She realizes this and has never indicated to me that she feels i was assigning the inital advice to her.
Mel and I have had many respectful discussions on a variety of issues I have had questions about.
I have made it clear that Ifeel Dr Harley has a program that is about the best I have seen. I have gleaened from his writing that he acknowledges that the program will not work in cases where the WS does not get on board.
