Hi Pep!

Yikes, I guess I didn't mean it to sound like that but it did come out that way. I agree, we are goddesses with or without a partner in our lives. It's just that I hate this "divorced" label that I now have. Is that the same thing as "L" on your forehead?
UGH!

I guess that depends on you.

Do you think you are a loser in all this? Because you fought as hard for your family as you could. You walked through this with dignity and grace, never once stopping to get back at the MORON... Did you take care of your grandson for as long as you could with NO HELP from MORON.

If that is the sign of a loser, then maybe you are. But from where I sit and see. YOU ARE THE WINNER.....

And when it's time and you do want to move on, when you talk to another person I can't believe as you describe this, you will come out as the loser.

You would only have an "L" on your forehead if you were still trying to stay married to this "fraud".

Oh yeah - that would be ms. mullet with the "L" - you only stayed married to him before he broke his vows...

Consider yourself a survivor and soon to be a Thriver!

So with a big "S" on your forehead, consider yourself "SUPER WOMAN!"

CL,


uhmm..... you mean....L for LUCKY ...for not having to deal on a daily basis with a WS lost in lalaland?

...well....rather than 'divorced'....I would like to see myself as being: available to enter into a healthy R, meaning, meeting someone who will appreciate my presence in his life, who will be considerate of my needs, with whom I would like to share and make plans with in the future....and vice-versa!

....and anything below THAT...I will just continue to appreciate life SOLO ....surrounded by family and a few trustworthy friends on whom I can COUNT on!

This is absolutely beautiful, Luna. ... who will appreciate my presence in his life....

What we can all aspire to achieve!!

Read these 2 wonderful posts again, Ms Chai. Looking back over these 18 months, despite all of the despicable things WH did, you did not give up being the absolute Goddess. You did everything you could to stand for your marriage & family - - and MORE! You never stooped to his level. You remained the absolutely wonderful woman you always were and still are TODAY!

I, too, went thru a period of feeling almost ashamed to have to say that I was divorced. It was very similiar to the feeling right after Dday,,,where it was almost impossible for me to admit to myself, let alone anyone else, that Drac had left for another woman. But then, like now, it will pass. You will regain your hold of your Goddess/Super Woman powers.

I think it's especially hard for those who were married a long time. Having spent a great deal of your life being a married woman, it is difficult to see yourself outside of that. Lord knows it's not what you wanted.

Yet that's the thing, He DOES know. And He, like the rest of us, know that there are great plans for you!!

I know it's also especially difficult when the ex continues to have a 'realtionship',,,,although what he & Ms Mullet have is NOT a relationship, more like a dysfunctional illusion that will implode with time.

I see you, Ms Chai, as someone who has gone back to being a catapillar, who has had to wrap herself in a cocoon during this phase of change in her life. Allow the warmth of the sun, shining on you now, to complete your development into the beautiful, graceful butterfly.

Soon enough, you WILL be ready to spread your wings & fly. Then watch out world!!!

Hi Chai,

I see you are on. How are you doing today?

Hey Queenie,

Just getting ready to close the shop. Horrible, slow day. UGH

I am doing OK. Weekends are always hard, but I somehow get through them.

How are you doing? I hope you are having a good weekend!!

I have to run for now, but will post tonight when I get home and settled.

I'm going good. Waiting for my daughter to come over with my son and her BF. I know weekends suck. I truly do know. Yes, you always do get through them, but it's hard and you need to be honored for that.

Ok, I will look for you tonight. Be careful driving home.

I'm have a wonderful weekend, but full of emotion and one trigger. But I turn it over to G-d and ask him to walk through it with me.

Love ya girl...

Can you sell the shop once you are divorced? Would that help?

Luna, I have to agree that your post was beautiful. You are so wise, and you have come such a long, long way. I hope you stick around because I learn so much from you. I know there is someone out there who will cherish your presence in his life. He will know how lucky he is....


That's pretty much it in the nutshell Bugs - for some reason I feel ashamed. I guess it's somewhat embarrassing too.


That's part of it too. I feel like my entire life disappeared right before my eyes. If I were 15, even 10, years younger I may look at it differently. Just didn't expect to be D'd right before I get ready to retire.

Karma, I do plan on closing my shop after I find a job. I keep limping along because I have a lease and a loan that I am managing to pay, and while it isn't a great deal of income for me, it's something. I had hoped to make it another 18 months until the lease was paid, but not sure if I can. I am just tired of struggling.

Thanks for the support all. If it weren't for you guys, I would be so lost....

I have a feeling you'll get at least some increased business over the holidays--grandmas knitting things and whatnot.

((chai))
Let your lawyer do the heavy lifting on this.. that's what he's being paid for.
You focus on YOU.
Be sure to take care of yourself.
Look at it worst case: you lose the whole 401(k).
Is it the end of the world?
Do you still have your health and the beautiful Chai baby?
Think about the things money can't buy.
WH will always have to live with what he did.
You can hold your (beautifully coifed) head up high

[quote=imanotheroneLook at it worst case: you lose the whole 401(k).
Is it the end of the world?[/quote]


Well, it looks like that is going to be the case. The judge said to split as of the separation date of 2007. I have to give WS half of my 401K as of that date and unfortunately there isn't that much in it anymore due to the economy. It will be offset a little by his 401K, but not by much. I will be lucky to get enough left to pay my atty. I was hoping to have enough left to get myself through until I could find a job.

It was all that I had left. He walked away with everything.

Got word this morning that DD is using again and now Chaibaby will be taken away unless the other grandparents keep him. I don't know if they will.

I have just lost everything.

This is F-ing BS!!! The value as of 2007??? Can't believe it. Now YOU are to blame for the devaluation of your 401K???

This is NOT right. And after the judgement?

You NEED alimony. He's working, right? You need it until you can find a job at least. There has to be something else.

This is AWFUL.

(((Chai)))

You have not lost everything, hon. You have your dignity. You have the love of a loving, caring, wonderous God who will walk through this valley with you. CL, I think it may be time for DD to give up her rights and let chaibaby have a chance at a good life with two loving parents. Many adoptions these days are open (not sure how good that is for the kids but an option). Look there is no where to go but up. Your WH did not walk away with everything. He is the true loser in this, you just cannot see this clearly right now. I am not devaluing your anger nor your grief just trying to remind you that money holds no value when you leave this world. I will continue to pray for you.

((((Chai)))))

You DO have your dignity CL and you will get through this. You are one of the strongest people on this board! This will NOT beat you - not even close!

Chai...

We all love you here. You have come away from this through many battles, and done everything you possibly could.

Your WH has been a malicious SOB. If ever there was a woman karma should shine upon, it is you.

The good thing about being down here, darling, is that there is no where to go but up.

I've lost everything before, too. Perhaps not in this way, but--my mother never wanted me, and my father was too busy running about and getting arrested to care.

I had my grandparents.

Think of this board the way I did my grandparents. The net. Without which you would not be here. You did all you could. Now you let go.

Expect a nasty text or email or something from WH. And post it here. Maybe us laughing about what an idgit he is will help.