It's all good ST.

Well let's just say that intact panty hose was a must when wearing a hoover!

I know what you mean by this, sometimes I feel this way too.
It seems to be more prevalent when our LB's are low.
I can feel myself get a tad bit defensive, I do a reality check and acknowledge that's what it is, and I can get myself
back, lose the taker in me that I think is clouding the conversation. I can't seem to explain how I want so I hope you
can understand some it.

When our LB's are good, overflowing ..... our first thought isn't about what each of us are feeling in response to how
the other is feeling. It's understanding how the other is feeling without the other thinking of themself first.
Make sense???

'Wearing' a hoover

Hows it going ST?

I'll bet that sucks...

You are such a card Mark!!! ( do you detect the sarcasm?)


Busy busy busy weekend which has been fantastic. Achieved mountains together whilst working with a slightly adverse mood from J on Friday - he was seeing all the problems in how to decorate ds's room for dd. I kept very very cool and instead of just making alternative suggestions and getting them pulled to pieces, I asked J to come up with the plan that he thought would work best and that I would be happy to work with it. I went and made a start on his plan - he comes in and then questions why I'm doing what I'm doing - so I point out that it was part of his plan (which 2 mins later he seems tohave forgotten - it was obviously critical) and then we get on with it and end up with superb results.


It is bleep annoying though, so very bleep annoying, but a lot lot lot less bleep annoying than it would have done if I had made a trillion suggestions on how to work around the prob and he had disected all of them.

We did loads on sat- including 4 hours at school lugging bark chippings and logs for eco action day at school (and the weather was as forecast) we were soaked and caked in mud. Building a bed. Wsahing. Lots of cooking - not sure how we squeeze it in.



Bit of a crappy one tonight - I was doing a quick bit of research for DDs Homework, he was writing an ad for the paper. I finished first so had a quick look on here. He comes over and sulks -"I'm going to play tennis on the Wii"

I hate tennis and if he can't remember that after 12 years - I moan and whinge all through Wimbledon every year.

Anyway, I'm just irritated my the attitude and lack of thought - he went on and on about how we bought it to do together adn I never do it with him.

I politely and calmly told him that had he come up and said "I'd like to play some wii with you, what shall we do?" I likely would have reacted better than his sulk.

when I went in before he started playing he made no effort to change the game.

Things like this(tonight) really challenge my lovebucket. Should I put in more effort do I have to play crappy tennis. No I don't. Should we POJA on what to play? yes. Will he? No. Resentment builds.

take it all back... just got a "do you want to come and play bowling with me?" "sorry" "kiss on the neck"

I hear your frustration, love the way you worded it tho Its great you are able to see the positives of this long and frustrating process called a happy marriage

No you do NOT have to play crappy tennis. The idea behind RC is that you find activities that are mutually enjoyable. I admit, Flick and I have a few solo activities we do, but they are sole ones - not ones whereby we will come into contact with others or create EP issues.
Yes you should POJA what to play and by using respectful negotiation come up with mutually enjoyable games that don�t have the word crappy in front If J is not willing to negotiate, then he is deliberately sabotaging what could have been a love bank building moment, after all J knows MB ad its policies...

Aww.
Still this is an issue that needs to be dealt with before it blows up out of proportion and turns into a love bust fest.

A 'kiss on the neck' ....... how great is that!
I'm like butter when I get one of those.

Hi ST!
Hope things are going swell.

okay, give up ....... what's a hoover????
I even googled it and alls I came up with was J Edgar.

Hi ST

Hope things are good with you

Vit

A hoover is a brand name for a vacuum cleaner - I'm sure we've done this before here. Not that mine is a hoover it's a Henry. mOst people I know either have a Henry or a Dyson these days.

get it... do ya...? "I'll be that sucks!"

Hi Ivetz

Things are mostly good here, thanks; I might do a little moan or journal later, but nothing much to report.

Things are still good, good. Things have died down somewhat since our manic w/e and I can't believe it is the end of Wednesday already.

I was going to moan then - but it's so pointless I won't bother as my FB message from God said today


So in fact, my moan about last night will not matter one teeny weeny bit in a years time.

J has been back on asking the wrong questions today... Or I've been giving the wrong answers. Just silly things again - he asks a vague question when he wants a specific answer - eventually I manage to get the speciic question out of him so that I can give the answer he is looking for But - it won't matter in a year.

Now then the thing that will matter in a year if I don't pull my finger out:
We haven't snogged in 2 days - I'm failing my own challenge! I'm actually very annoyed about it.

But on the plus side we have had a very positive - nobody getting tetchy conversation about sex. Condoms have always been J's friend and I have very much gotten used to it and like the no mess deal- anyway, he asked whether we could go and get some together, so that he knew I was really up for it. He doesn't want me to feel that he has put pressure on me because he has been to get them - if we both do it, he is confident that I am enthusiastic. Good plan me thinks and I feel very cared for because of it. It is fab to know he is thinking like this.

And I really must pull my weight a bit more.

I am emotionally open to him at the mo. As I write that I am a bit nervous though - I was just thinking of emailing him and letting him know that I don't think I have been taking as much care of him as I should do the last few days - that seems to put him in a bad mood though.

That's us for now.

Thanks for listening

Yes, I like that one year rule, I use the 5 year rule too, same process.

I used to get my knickers in a knot about the silliest things, I think it was a control thing.

I couldn't control what was happening in my M, (well that's what I thought anyway, I wasn't seeing that I could change me) so I would have a fit over things that really were menial in the big scheme, KWIM.

So, you've not snogged, well get to it!
Don't let nothin' but fear stop you, that's what my Grandfather used to say, and even that wasn't an excuse.

Have a great weekend ST.

Excel-lante'!

Thinking of you, ST. Big time.

I like that ST. I like it a lot. I'm going to try and use it. Actually, I need to use it.

Thanks for posting the quote.

Hope you, J and the kids have had a good weekend.

I see we finally have our "I'm getting tired of waiting" emoticon. Guess I can stop tapping my own toe now.

Hi, ST.

Quit your toe tapping you lot! I did my moan!

I lost my temper tonight - or nearly, well i did sort of, but caught myself form being nuclear:

We exhausted the children yesterday - took them to soft play for 4 and a 1/2 hours.

DD is a little tricky to handle in these situations - but I have her perfectly worked out (ask her for lots of help with what I'm doing and play lots of games with her and keep her bro at arms length).

Well the kids just raced to bed in which she iused her size and shoved DS. J jumped up and yelled (which of course frighetened her - she hasn't seen it for a bit) - I odn't disagree that she needed firm words.

But then he started with the controlling - she felt like she couldn't see me (although J didn't actually prevent her).

He then mouthed off in her ear shot what a horrible child she is and something else very nasty.

We all know what sort of reaction that is likely to provoke in me




I angrily told him how much I disapproved of him and pulled him out of the doorway so that I could shut the door -
he told I was dispropotinately angry.

I know that I allowed my anger out wrong, but there is absoutlely no way that the amount of anger I feel is disproportionate.

This was 40mins ago - I am still trying to come back off the ceiling.

He apologised to her. And I have apologised to him.

We're s'posed to be going through the present cupboard tonight to work out what we haven't got yet. I need to snap out of it

---rrrraaaaaggghhhhhh.


We did have a good weekend and the kids bedrooms are both now decorated. Made �235 at the preschool jumble sale too.

J went on angermanagement on sat and an old friend of a friend was there(lost touch due to divorce - my sis friends with his x)who is a lot ealrlier on in is angermNgement journey, might be able to "buddy" each other a bit.

was called to a meeting at school today, there are 19hours available - 3 of us want them, I reckon I may be bottom of pile though if they use personal info to decide - one a single mum, who's fiance just went off with someone else (dress brought and date set) and the other is an older lady - widow, who's sil is bursar and is living on her savings. Both of which had more hours than me when they ended our contractsin the summer.

J is really p***** off because i am on here - he's muttering under his breath - not actually said anything



rrrrraaaaagggggghhhhhhhhhh

ST

I know exactly what you mean ST. I'm a bit like a lioness with my children and I would hate to see them frightened by shouting. I would also definitely be being peeled off the ceiling if my chidren were to ever hear their father call them "horrible".

I hope J has apologised to your DD and explained how wrong he was to say such a thing.

Well done on keeping a lid on it, well sort of. J needs to understand how protective you will be of the children because they too have been through tough times as a result of what has gone on in recent months.

Take care ST, I'll be back tomorrow. It's late and I'm really tired.

Well taking your tack of finding the silver lining...
It is good J apologised to DD and you for losing the plot. I hope he realised tho that there is no delete button on a childs memories.

Hope you get the pressie cuboard sorted, and if you get any good ideas, give me a yell. I am stuck!

I thought that was a Swede dancing...