This is going to sound strange; of course everything about my life is straight from the twilight zone these days.
My wife�s parents have a cabin in the mountains this week and asked us to join them (they are clueless about our difficulties for the most part) for Thanksgiving. The strange part of is my wife�..she wants to go. When I left the house this morning I could have sworn that she hated my guts. When I talked to her on the phone this afternoon she was very pleasant almost warm.
My debate is�how should I proceed? What I want to do is forget about everything that is between us and just enjoy our holiday. I would like to go through the next 3 days without even mentioning �us�. I think there may be ground to be gained if I can keep my foot out of my mouth.
I�m not delusional enough to think we will forgive each other over the weekend. But this is one of the things that is/was good about our relationship, we always enjoyed traveling together. Maybe this could be a big step in healing 2 broken hearts. Then again she may get me off into the mountains, shoot me in the back of the head, and leave me for the bears. Not really, I don�t think she would leave me for the bears�.she would at least bury me.
All jokes aside if anyone has any advice or input I would love to hear it. Thanks.

Go. Don't talk about your relationship. Make this weekend about having fun. Plan A all the way.

It's good that she wants to put on a good front for her folks. It means she knows how disappointed they would be to find out she has been cheating on you. She's being nice to you b/c she doesn't want you to tell them.

After Thanksgiving, when you find out who OM is and where you can contact his W at, then you expose to everyone the same day....including her parents.

They will have watched you plan Aing their daughter all weekend and will be even more horrified when they learn the truth.

Sorry to say this, but it's likely your wife still thinks that she hates your guts. Sorry even more to say this but she's probably happy because of recent contact with the OM, either physically or otherwise.

I'm 11 weeks into my WWs affair and this is a daily occurrence. One day, everything seems fine, almost normal. The next, she hates me and accuses me of awful terrible things. This is what people who are deep into affairs (waywards) do - they lie, they accuse, they cheat, they threaten. Yes, it is the twilight zone. Unfortunately, you're going to be spending some time here, so get comfortable.

Please, please, I will add my voice to the chorus: DON'T MOVE OUT. This is a battle and at certain points you are going to need to stand your ground, despite the ugliness. This is one of those lines you need to stand firm on.

The other thing is EXPOSURE. If you don't yet know who the OM is, find that out quick. You need to expose this D-bag to everyone out there. Your wife will hate you (temporarily) for it but it is the single most effective weapon you have. Get a keylogger, that will give you Facebook access and will clue you in pretty quickly.

BTW, I would expect your wife to be gone a lot this weekend, off with the cell phone and what not. It will drive you crazy. Try to keep your cool and focus on the rest of the family. Believe me, they will notice your wife's bizarre behavior and will likely start asking questions. Be nonchalant and non-accusatory but make sure they stay on your side if ugliness erupts.

Welcome to hell. Sorry you are here.

Thanks everyone, I am taking all of your advice very seriously. I am leaving this evening and will not be able to log back on until Monday morning. I will be working very hard this weekend to keep my eyes and ears open and my mouth shut.
By the way I do know who OM is. Because she told me about him when I accused her of cheating. According to her they are only friends (yeah right) and it was my fault she was talking to him in the first place.
No one knows about this except me, her, and OM. Her father is an ordained Minister and he is going to have a baby with a bonnet on it's head when I tell him. It�s not going to be pretty.
Well anyway I�m off. Wish me luck; I hope everyone has a blessed and safe Thanksgiving.

LOL!!

Exposure is going to do serious damage to her A!

Good luck! You have a great Thanksgiving too!

Know that many will be praying for you!

Thats why she is being pleasant. You will get the talk on the way up, regarding your keeping mum.

timetofly,

OK, here a theory for you to consider. She is going to be nice, she will be cordial to you when you are up at the cabin, and butter won't melt in her mouth during this period. WHY?

Because she does NOT want her parents to find out she is cheating, and to avoid this she needs to put on a good front for them. She will treat you well, because in the end this will be a "friendly" divorce, right? You two just "grew apart" right? You are getting a clue to the power of exposure as you watch the lengths she is going to go to put on a Happy face for her folks.

Enjoy the 3 days, fill her love bank as best you can, be a great father, a devoted husband, and as nice as you can be. YOu are planting seeds from the plan A, and it will make it difficult for her to spin the next step to them.

Just be prepared for when you get back to hear that "nothing has changed" except of course your entire marital history which she is busy rewriting to justify her decisions.

If you understand what I am saying you will find plan A makes more sense, as Dr. Harley's assertion that affairs are addictions and drug addicts will do whatever it takes to meet their addiction needs, and that includes lying, cheating, and even stealing.

Keep your eyes open, avoid the love busters, be a great dad, and an even better husband. Help her mom every chance you get, you will not regret this.

I hope what I have said makes sense to you.

God Bless,

JL

PS: You may have noticed my advice assumes she is having an affair, and from what you have said the odds are huge that at least an emotional affair is going on.

Hi TTF, how did it go?

Good morning, the trip went about like expected, she didn�t speak to me unless I spoke to her first most of the weekend. She seemed to have a great time with her family. I read a lot and ate a lot, I didn�t try to talk about us at all, in fact I didn�t talk much at all period. My mother in-law told me not to give up. She said she was praying for us, so she has to know a little about what�s going on. I avoided telling my wife�s father about the guy she has been talking to. I figured this was his vacation and we were his guests, I didn�t want to cause him any pain. On the other hand I checked the cell records this morning and she has had approx. 3 hours of phone calls with OM since the 22nd. So I believe it�s getting close to time to let him in on it. I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.