Everyone - Further update. W and I slept together last night for the 1st time in over a week, so THAT was progress. We had a very sweet airport parting as I got her off on her trip to AZ. Also had a nice farewell quickie after we woke up before driving her to airport. 1st time for sex in several weeks too. She said she wanted to last night only I wasn't available. I said all she had to do was call me by my pet name and I'd of come running. She said she did, but I don't recall hearing it. Anyway, no big deal. Looks like separation (in-house or otherwise) is at least on the back burner. I'm feeling pretty good about this, because this time I didn't grovel or plead and told her, OK, if you want to go, go. (Did also tell her I didn't want to split and maybe made too many concessions in advance around this, but I still feel I made progress. And she was the one who suggested the quickie, first time she's initiated sex in I can't remember how long!) Plus, I don't feel nearly as abandoned now that she's gone as I used to when she took trips. So maybe I am cool with the idea of separation. Or at least cooler than I was. <P>Janie - LOL on what your mom told your dad when he found the condom! So ramble all you want! I think your right about my W not being ready to separate. Maybe I called her bluff, hmmm? Interesting about how you and H separated. Sounds like a lot of practical considerations were involved. W and I have a heavy debt load too, but we'd be financially a lot WORSE off if we split, a point I repeat to her a lot! Also, you mentioned "mental illness sucks." Your H has actually been diagnosed with this? (I happen to think it's a bad term, BTW, for various degrees of upsetness with one's life situation. I do know about the mommy bit, as for heterosexual men mommy always seem to enter their relationships with women. I think part of the reason I'm so nuts about my W is that she reminds me in a lot of ways of my deceased mother. Oh yes, we've worked through quite a bit of this kind of stuff in therapy!)<P>SHA - Now I've got to worry about YOU and my W! (Only kidding, old friend, but do think it's a distinct possibility that she and OM will rendezvous there at some point. Her trip was really on the spur of the moment.)<P>cl - Thanks for the well wishes. Oh yeah, I think her trips are good ways for both of us to give each other space for a while. I used to miss her terribly when she went, but it doesn't seem to be so bad this time. Guess I'm getting used to the idea.<P>Frank - Thanks for your prayers. When someone tells me they're praying for me, I know that means I'm in their thoughts in a very positive way and I feel supported. To answer your Q, no neither my W nor me nor our couples counselor is a Christian. I probably come closest (but that's not very close) and W is an ex-Catholic, but we're both into other spiritual traditions now.<P>Sheryl - Thanks. Yeah, I still gaze at her over dinner, and I tell HER how beautiful she is, TOO!<P>R & B,<P>--Wex<P>

Wex, <P>I was implying that I could check up on her and the OM for you! You don't have to worry about me, last thing I need is another woman in my life - ONE IS ENOUGH!!!<P>I certainly hope your W is not our here with OM. Hopefully, she is honest in that she will be visiting family. <P>Hang in there buddy. You and your wife have some very wonderful moments together. I hoping you will make it through this. <P>SHA

Hi Wex<P>I had to reply when I read your latest update. So sorry Bro... grab a few beers/friends/smokes and work this issue out. <P>Time to regain your strength and self respect. You have been in a very hard fight and right now you may see it as a loss but stand tall buddy. You don't want your W right now anyways. She is confused and not the person you married. Let her go and move on. <P>Work on what you can control. Get a better life started for yourself. Work out, socialize, don't be lazy or down on yourself. Get out where the action is and party. Regain that self confidence and glow with it, flaunt it where ever you go and should you cross paths with your W she will see this and see you differently. <P>Whatever you do you must realize you tried. You gave it your best, this is not a failure because you tried. Drop this issue and don't carry it anywhere. Your success depends on how fast you can let this issue go.<P>Plan B if you want here back. She will want you back if you become more appealing to her. You will be more appealing to her if you get a better life. You will get a better life if you forget about her... LOL seems funny but either way you win. get a better life and whether she is part of it or not you still win.<P>Don't let yourself down. <P>Good Luck<BR>_____________________________________________<BR>"Better to die on your feet than live on your knees"

My husband has been diagnosed by three different health professionals as depressed. The last one said clinically depressed and prescribed prozac (which he won't take).

Janie - Sorry to hear about your H. Don't think even "clinically depressed" is quite the same as "mental illness," though. In the past, I was diagnosed as depressed and had anti-deps (pre-Prozac) prescribed for me, which I took. And I can tell you, after experiencing the disturbing side-effects from these, I can kind of sympathize with your H for not taking his medicine.<P>SHA - You know, after I made my little bad joke (apologies) and submitted the post, that thought did occur to me! But that would be too big a favor to ask and, anyway, you'd probably be wasting your time. I think she is staying with her family at least some of the time. That's how she works her affair. She does what she says she's going to do on errands and trips, so she's not lying when she says, I did x. It's just that she's not telling the WHOLE truth!<P>toronto - Thanks. Yeah, my W definitely is not the person I married and especially not the wonderful, reciprocating woman I courted. The problem is, I want those women back, and every time I look at my W, I remember how our courtship was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me in my entire life. (I'm not exaggerating!) Until that time, I had never really been that much in love with someone who was also very much in love with me. That's problem I have letting go of her. Clearly she doesn't feel the same way. When I talk about these feelings I have, she tells me that I'm living in the past. And maybe she's right. I think I'm coming more and more to realize this. That's why, this time, I didn't beg and plead with her not to leave, and I think she's showing me more respect because of it.<P>R & B,<P>--Wex