Especially 20+ years ago -- because AIDS/HIV hadn't hit by then, and condoms weren't such an automatic thing -- as they are now....

Lexxy,

His time frame is 1988 or so, and by that time HIV WAS a widespread disease, AIDs gained recognition as a major health threat in the very late 1970s and early 1980s.

I believe recognition of HPV as a major health risk, causing cancer, has been more recent.

This is something I looked into as my wifes EA was from around the same time period, and she was very unnerved when I spoke about the above issues especially HPV.

NJ

She thinks I should be ok with, 'I KNOW she is yours' and, 'I made them use condoms'....

As I said, the time frame is very close, too close. Not to mention this particular daugther is built physically different than her two other sisters. I know generally speaking that doesn't mean a lot, but when you take into account my wifes sexual affairs during that time period...something smells rotten in Denmark...maybe.

Did she engage in any As during her pregnancy or after your daughter was born?

The daughter in question was conceived Dec '88, she supposedly stopped her A's mid '88, supposedly being the operative word. As I said, she isn't very transparent with dates and such. Trying to put this stuff together is tough, in more than one way.

I'm going to guess the big scare of getting pregnant and having an OC is what brought on her shift in behaviour.

"Not to mention this particular daugther is built physically different than her two other sisters. I know generally speaking that doesn't mean a lot, but when you take into account my wifes sexual affairs during that time period"

Time to DNA your kids.

I talked to our MC today on the phone, she diligently tried to explain she did not mean for me to take out of our last session that my wifes A's were justified by any emotions she may have had back then.

She was, as she explained, trying to see if I could understand her emotional state back then, and trying to help me get rid of some of my anger over the A's.

I explained to her, as I have before, that I do understand what our marriage problems were back then, on both sides. I understand her feelings as we have talked about it recently, and over the years. We never discussed the A's as she denied them, so it was a one sided conversation, IOW, I was the worm bag, emotionally not there husband.

I also explained how in recent years we've grown into the mature phase of our marriage, even though we didn't and still don't, have the best communications going. We were doing very well in recent years, until Dday, and the therapist also knows this.

She said even though my wife's emotional state that led to her choice to have A's were from years ago, she was just laying the ground work up to where we do discuss the A's and also MY feelings on the subject. She has always said her job as a therapist isn't to say who is bad or good, but she NEVER condones infidelity in marriages.

I am not sure what the heck a MC is supposed to do when talking of A's then? Is all what a MC about then is to have us understand each others feelings? I have no problem with feelings and expressing mine, no problem at all. We will talk about the paternity issue to, but she doesn't think anything would come from whatever the results are....I said it makes a difference to me, not about my child, but about my wife.

You would do better working with the Harleys, regular MCs don't seem to be much good at these things.

Yea just understanding feelings, while important, I feel like it doesn't get to the heart of it all. Its like scratching the surface only.

Keep the IC and for MC switch to the Harley's. They're expensive but folks who have counseled with them say they can do more in one phone session than other counselors can do in weeks or months. Plus, they get results.

I think you said you were mid-Atantic; If you're near DC, I could point you toward the MC that put my wife & me onto Harley principles & who was great for us. But you probably can't go wrong talking directly to one of the Harleys.

Hey 'Glove', yes I would be interested in such help. I noticed we can't PM on here, whats up with that?

I would like it if you can help us though.

It would be great if you could post that info here (if it's not against the TOS).

codtej,
Unfortunately your situation sounds much like my own. My wife has had multiple affairs. I'm really not sure how many. We are currently pretty much doing nothing. Mrs Rock has no remorse.
Sad, sad, sad.
Good luck to you!