Hey everyone just forwarding an email I wrote steve today to give you an update on whats going on with us right now. WS is as usual making excuses and hiding, Im so bogged down with extra shifts at work (to pay for Steve sessions that WS is wasting, battling my own demons, kids and house that I am totally drained.



"Hey Steve
Hope you are well, as instructed I am contacting you in order to get help in difficult situations that have arisen. Its now 4 Days since our last appointment with you and unfortunately due to time and finance issues we were not able to book a session until the 10th of December, in the mean time the following problem is causing huge arguments and I need your guidence to resolve it.

Monday and Tuesday night xxxxx worked extra hours for his company, this meant that he was not able to start thinking about the plan/task you have set him or do any jobhunting. I am increasingly distressed by the amount of extra unpaid hours he is putting into a job he will be leaving in the near future however he maintains that he has to do these extra shifts/hours, Am I really that wrong to point out that he needs to put the family first, as long as he works the hours he is being paid for he IS doing his job, he argues this as "eveyone in retail managment does extra hours" so i have to accept this. I point out that "everyone else" is either single or with grown kids and not having marital problems (an after he considers his colleagues circumstances agrees with my statement). I am getting really fed up of being the bottom of the pile in his priorities, i have full backed off let him do his own thing not made any demands but just simply requested that he concentrates on what you have set him to do and think about, thats all i have asked of him and his excuse is that this is the first time he has not priorotised your plan (like its ok not to because its the first time).

Steve help me i am getting so stressed upset and totally loosing faith. I cant keep explaining to him that our marriage and family should come above working extra hours for a company that has royally hurt us so much. Why cant he see that we matter too?? why does he not understand that working his 39 hours a week and doing a good job in those hours is what he is getting paid for. Im not asking him to cut back on his scheduled hours im asking for him to refrain from giving this company anymore of our scarce family time and to add insult to injury he does this for nothing but the constaint need for admiration from work.

Let me know what you think and where i should go from here.

Thanks
Mrs xxxxxx

Which homeopathic remedy?

Hey SMB my homeopath has given me CARC (carcinosin) 30c tot take once a day everyday. Is that what you were asking as in what homeopathic remedy or did you want to know what homeopathy is?

Oh, I know homeopathy. We've been under a homeopathic DO for 15 years.

I used Ignatia during the months following D-day because I was dealing with so much shock and grief (used the Rescue Remedy, too, on D-days). I know there are many remedies that deal with depression, so I was curious which one your dr. prescribed.

Cool we have been trying homeopathy for 3 years, my homeopath originally came reccomended for my son's reflux. Then he progressed to treating all of us when thigs came up. He is a really good guy and he did give me Ignatia and Arnica (hight potency one) for the shock of D Day. I have tryed other things since and see him once every 8 weeks as you know there are alot of different emotions that we go through after D day and he has tryed to help when some of them came up. Now im onto Carc and waiting to see if any help.

Have you done a constitutional treatment with your Dr. in the past?

SMB I have no idea what consitutional treatment means. What is it and what doctor, homeopath or General doctor?

If you are under the care of a homeopath, I am surprised you are not familiar with constitutional treatment (no offense intended).

Here's a link that explains constitutional homeopathy

Constitutional Homeopathy


Here is a simpler explanation. Go to #2 What are the Three Levels of Homeopathic Treatment.

3 Levels of Homeopathy


Constitutional treatment can be incredibly effective at curing chronic health issues, but I would suggest you confirm that you are under the care of a true homeopath (again no offense intended) before attempting constitutional treatment, and not just someone who practices a variety of "alternative" approaches, but is not a licensed DOCTOR.

In the book, Homeopathic Medicine at Home, by Dr. Panos and Dr. Heimlich, it explains...

Many are uncertain about a homeopath's training. A homeopathic physician undergoes the same training as any other doctor of medicine; he or she is a graduate of an accredited medical college, receives an M.D. degree, and is licensed by the state. To learn the specialty of homeopathy, sometimes called homeotherapeutics, the doctor takes a postgraduate course in the subject, then a preceptorship with a prescribing homeopathic physician.

hey SMB I can totally say that i am getting the constitutional treatment. I never knew there was any other way thats why i was confused. Alistair (my homeopath) comes over once every 8 weeks we have a good discussion about my overall state emotionally and phisically, he will only prescribe one remedy at a time and he takes into consideration my whole being not just phisical ailment. There are times when he will give me emergency treatment if i fall ill like Arnica etc but generally the aim is a long term gradual healing with one remedy at a time. I tend not to look up the remedy he gives me because i trust he is doing the right thing since homeopathy is the sole reason my son stopped continousely vomiting from reflyx when he was younger. For example he gave my son a remedy for his reflux but also to treat the emotional traumas he suffered in hospital. This has changed him from being a withdrawn child to an affectionate one.

Hi BH

Just wondering how counselling with Steve went and if you WH is still in the home or if he did leave. How are you and what has been happening? So glad to see that you are taking care of yourself physically and emotionally. Hoping that the news is good.

Hey BB
Sorry that I havent been around, been hectic all week with extra shifts at work, xmas preparation and gym. Have not had response from Steve after I sent the email I shared with the forum, next coaching session is Thursday the 10th of December. In the mean time I have been so run off my feet that nothing much has happened. Dont feel as down as I did last week and WS working on Steve task well so havent got anything to complain about right now. He was asked by Steve to do a list of boundries related to his emotional needs being met by OWen etc and email them to him, WS finally started doing this list Firday (4 days after he was supposed to have started) but following stern discussion finally gets the fact that i have backed off and if he wants me to trust him to do what he has been asked to do then he needs to start doing it before it gets to the point of arguments and discussions. This weekends he has been very caring and affectionate and i can honestly say i am happy with the way things are at the moment. Still my stpid head plays the "this is too good to be true and remember what he did card" but i have it under control. the scary thing is that when things are going too well i almost feel uncomfortable because i forget what happened for a few minutes and my brain takes it upon itself to remind me by throwing a few nasty images in the way so it feels like being kicked in the tummy everytime a memory related to the time of A comes up. I am conciousley trying to control this and im happy to say WS has picked up a sixth sense of when this happens and has stepped up when needed by just giving me a cuddle without the need to say anything like a reassuring "its allright now, im here" kind of thing.
Even work issue has been solved, Creepy manager got sacked and R is on good behaviour after being shamed by me in front of colleagues regarding him persuing married woman. Feel bad for him but at the end of the day he deserved to be put back in his place after coming onto a married person.

Pleased to hear you are feeling more positive. Remember he has to fix this. It's very hard not to interfere and end up more or less doing everything for them. And then he'll have learnt nothing from the process - if you keep reminding him and being his mum he won't take responsibility for himself and you'll be resentful because he's only done these things because you kept going on at him to do it.

Anyway - that may not be the case with you. Just don't be frustrated at what he is or isn't doing and you focus on your plan and what you are doing and be proud of what you are achieving.

ST

PS Don't forget the managing memories thread onthe discovery forum if you keep having problems with images.

Hey ST

I agree with your point completely regarding him doing things out of nagging not out of understanding, however I have reached a stage where I have to trust Steve, he is working well with WS and I am seeing changes daily, The cake eating WS was doing (my version of cake eating not MB version, ie telling me he needs space to work on things therefore wont be helping with kids and house then end up not actually working on anything) has stopped, this is a major improvement in my resentment. WS has figured out that he doesent need 6 hours a day to work on his many lists as it was getting him nowhere, just working with Steve and spending maybe 1 hour a day doing so still leaves time for kids and house then when he has had extra time he has been reading SAA constaintly without prompring or remindingany pressure, i think he is really enjoying reading and understanding. If he finds something in there he wants to communicate to me he will leave a pagemarker for me and i will read it when i get the chance. I want to read SAA but these days i fall asleep standing up im so overworked so reading is out of the question, I cant even watch a movie all the way through without falling asleep at the opening credits lol.

I think Steves method with him is good as he seems to plant the seed in his head regarding a certain aspect of A and WS has to nourish and grow it out and eventually the behaviour changes are obvious to me too. What I hate seeing is WS not nourishing the seed so to speak WS is a tomorrow kid of guy (ie if a job needs doing it can be done tomorrow) im more of a today kind of girl (if a job needs doing better get it done today as this leaves time for things that can go wrong etc) so when WS was taking 4 days to start Steves task I got irritated but this was soon sorted with one conversation and WS appears to understand my "today" theory. Now he has set time aside each day to do task and still be husband and father wich is ideal for me and this has been great so far, as WS is happier within himself, life is no longer consumed by A its a work in progress that gets tackled a bit each day.
I just hope that i can sort my end of the issue out and stop getting these images or being set off by triggers everywhere.

I'm so glad things have gotten better. I was glad to see that he was still at home, and trying to work through this with you. Why do they always think we and our family would be better off without them. Do they really think that or is it just their way of trying to run away from the pain. Run away from the work it will take to make things not just right, better than what they were before. Either way I am so glad for you and your family.

Things are looking up right now for us too. I am doing my best to put those same memories out of my mind. I am purposefully not asking questions that come to my mind. I am trying to give both of us a break. With the wedding right around the corner, my mind is racing. I let him read what you wrote about the vows and he just kind of shook his head. I told him then that I expected him to do his best and protect me from the hurt that might come up, the sorrow. I told him I want him to be holding my hand, possible arms around me and make sure as best he can, that I know and realize that the vows still mean something to him, hopefully more than they ever have.

So, we'll see. I am trying not to prepare for anything. I don't want to be disappointed or hurt. I just want to enjoy my daughter's wedding as best as I can. I'm sure it will be bittersweet, but I'm hoping for more sweet than bitter.

So....here's hoping for the best during the holiday season.

hey BB

I dont think that supressing your questions is ideal either and im saying this because when i did this it bit me in the backside big time when i supress it gets to a point when it all comes out in a big resentful fight, dont hold back so much but be constructive with it, maybe write down the questions as and when they come up and let WS know you are doing this, ask him to let you know when he is ready to answer things, wait for him to come to you as he will see you are making an effort to meet half way, a healthy marraige to me means compromise, im sure he isnt happy to be bombarded with questions all day everyday but you wont be happy holding it all in so half way is you writing questions down then let him set day and time when he will be happy to sit down and answer, Make sure you write the answers down as over the months I asked the same questions over and over again because i forgot the answers, having it all on paper for you to go back to refer to might help unless your genuinley not satisfied with the answer or think the answer will have changed (also good way to catch someone in a lie if he is lying about things). What do you think is this a possibility for you?

i am glad that now you are aware of the possible problem with the wedding day you will hopefully be able to tackle it before and it wont just sneack up on you. Dont tell him what he should be doing like cuddling you etc just tell him what you are worried about and give him a chance to act the way he should on his own as this will mean more than being told what to do.

Quick update. Things are still hectic but harmonious in the household, no fights no LBs and no big issues, all going well, lets hope it lasts. Looking forward to seeing kids face on xmas day as last year was horrific as was shortly after D Day and things were very Low, this year im determined kids will have fun no matter what. Finding it easier to laugh these days which is great feeling like my old self a little bit and just loving the peace and harmony. WS seems really appreciative of the good days we have been having and still working on Steves task as saw email he sent to Steve today regarding his set task. I didnt even to worry about him slipping back into ignorant comfort of doing nothing as he has been compling with MB well. Please please remind me of these good times if the bad days return as need days like the past week to hold onto in order to get through the bad. Even got a spontaneous bunch of roses Saturday, it was nice as not done due to being forced to care, he is caring all on his own accord, this is my idea of heaven.

That's the rollercoaster!! You get used to it and once you know there will be another up it's easier to get to it.

Yep and I need you lot to remind me of the up when it goes down.
Things had been so dark for ages I forgot that letting go and being just a little bit less controlling can be so freeing and helpful. WS told me that a simple text message i sent him spurred him on. I mean all the stupid stern talks and hour snd hours of yelling did nothing one text message saying I still loved him made all the difference, go figure!

Hey everyone,
Ok everything is still going well i am being bombarded with soppy text messages and cuddles and care, nothing to complain about so why o why does my stupid demented brain wont let me be??
The more he is affectionate, caring , loving and considerate the more images and more triggers i get. Is this normal??
Today for example driving around minding my own blimming business and guess what, there it is bold as anything the sign for the hotel they shared a bed in during A. Major trigger looks cheap and nasty and dirty. I cant help but get a kick in the gut feeling. Why cant i be normal?? The hotel started a seried of ewww memoried and thoughts during of A. Especially the hand down the trousers yukky bit and now im getting soppy text but dont want to reply. Help!

Hon, this is all normal. Is there someone you can talk to, get a hug from? You need some IRL people to comfort you. But it IS normal. But time will ease your pain; know that.