Have you ever posted here before? What was your previous user name?

Nope, you're not the first idiot. There've been a million idiots before you who chose to throw away everything they have in order to get attention from an illusion.

Did you ever see Raiders of the Lost Ark? Where they open the box and a beautiful wisp of a woman floats out, then she turns into this hugely ugly, skeletal thing? That's what an A is. You should have known better - as a matter of fact, you DID know better.

Respect your wife's wishes and get out. Then ask - no, beg & plead - for her to consider couselling with you. Read the material on here. I dunno, to stick your hand in the fire twice tells me there are definitely some emotional issues that need to be worked out - either with your BS or alone, and that's strictly her decision.

Let me see if I get this strait.

You don�t want a Divorce?

Hmmm, that seems a bit odd to me. See you where maid totally aware of what would cause this to happen. There was no missunderstanding, there was no vaugeness about that, she placed a boundry on what she would accept in your marriage, you crossed that boundry.

This is cause and affect.

Couse = Affair

Affect = Divorce

See how that works?
If you did not want a divorce, you would not have had ANOTHER affair


But I think you knew what would happen if you had an affair and got busted. (Wich allways eventually happens)

You where willing to gamble it, this is risk verses reward. To you, the risk of loosing your wife and breaking up your family was lower than the precevied reword you would get from the affair.


Now that we have coverd a few basic concepts that even a child can understand, I will give you the advice you are searching for.

If I where you, I would do the following.

1.Tell your wife you love her verry much and do not want a divorce, but you are willing to divorce her if that is what she wants. But even if she chooses divorce tell her you hope you can earn her trust enough that you can be together again some day.

2. If she chooses divorce do not fight her on anything. Give her the house, give her child support, and if she needs it give her allamony. If she does not choose divorce give her a Post �Nup aggreement to the same end.

3. If she chooses divorce and you hope to get back with her, then you can try. But do not try any relation ship with anyone else untill one year after you give up on her.

4. If you where unable to get your wife back, do not ever get married to anyone else again. Unless by some mirracle you learn about extrodinary precoutions and how to emplement them. If you do manage to get her back, learn everything you can about EP�s and use them. For a repeat affender like you the only way to avoid another affair is to eliminate any situation that could allow one to happen.

We did use the info that MB has to offer. Somewhere along the line, we stopped. I should have kept it up.

My attitude has not changed. I am still very upset. I just don't want people to start thinking that i am here for a "pitty party". I am looking for advice and most of it is very good. I slept alone in a hotel last night, My wife would not alow me to take my computer so i had a lot of time to reflect on my wrong doing. Just to be clear, I wanted my computer so that i could continue viewing this thread. I have stopped all contact with the other women. My heart is broken, but it is of my own doing, I am comimg to grips with that so that I can really make a change. So I am sorry that I sound as though I have a split personality.

Right now I don't think she is interested. I do know that she has read this thread, so maybe when the anger settles a little she will ask for some advice/help. Right now I am giving her some space per her request.

"Plan A is for the betrayed spouse to negotiate with the wayward spouse to totally separate from the lover without angry outbursts, disrespect, and demands. These three Love Busters not only ruin any effort to reach a negotiated settlement, but they also make the betrayed spouse much less attractive to the wayward spouse."

What I ment was that i would present this to my W so that she could start.

I have stopped all contact with the the other women and intend to keep it that way. My W is sending her e-mails and text. I think this is part of her healing?

No, this is the 1st time.

Are you saying you want to ask her to do plan A to you? Because that probably won't go over well. Speaking as a FWW, I can tell you that at this point asking HER to avoid LB's and meet YOUR needs would be about the worst thing you could do.

Thnka you for the comment. I have made some contact via e-mail for councelling assistance for myself. I pray that some day my W will choose to join me.

She has asked me to leave and I am doing so. I stayed in a hotel last night and did not come home until she had left to take the girls to school and go to work. I will not be here when she returns home. I am honoring her request to not be near her or text/call her until 5:00 tomorrow.

No Comment...DUDE

I posted that, misreading that huge block of text the OP posted.

I was under the impression it was the first affair. I apologize for any trouble this might have caused.

But I KNOW I am right--an RA is still an affair, a filthy act. Just like any other affair.

Art, Plan A is for a betrayed spouse who wants to save her marriage while her WS is still in an affair. Your W does not want that and presumably, you have ended your affair.


Does this skank know you are married? Is she married and if so, does her husband know? I would send her a no contact letter as outlined in Surviving an Affair and cc your wife. How do you know your wife is sending her emails if you are not in contact with her?

Secondly, you don't need counseling to know why you had another affair. You had it because you have no boundaries. You didn't before and you still don't. You are not a safe person until that is addressed and corrected.

Yes


That is entirely up to your wife.

Just out of curiosity, who is OW and how did you meet her?
(Co-worker, freind of family, neighbor, etc, etc...)

I would be more sympathetic with you if this second A was with a coworker and, oops, you found yourselves meeting some ENs...but this sounds like you went looking for it. You sound like a serial cheater (addicted to the thrill vs. slippery slope of someone meeting your ENs). You are very dangerous to your W.

I went to H.S. with the OW. we have never had a relationship other than that before.

This is how it started. after my 20th H.S. reunion there were a lot of people reconecting on Face book. I made a comment on a post that the OW made. She made a comment back and I responded. Shortly after thatshe posted that she and her sister were ona road trip and would be traveling from OR thru CA. I never should have responded, but I did, and asked her if she wanted to meet for lunch on her way thru town. She accepted. I went to lunch with her and her sister. Then the texting just kept coming and I kept responding. Again should have known better, she started telling me how attractive I was(EN) and it felt good. I was wrong and should have stopped it at that. I did not! Texting turned into sexting and I took it hook line and sinker. Again, my own fault, none of this makes it ok. I did this and I knew better.

Why in the name of little green apples would you ask your wife to Plan A YOU? SHE doesn't want you...SHE told you not to let the back door hitcha where the Good Lord splitcha.

She did HER plan A work a long time ago.

All of this fixin' right now is on your pointed head...you broke it, you want it back, you fix it....and the first fixin' is by meeting her needs...her needs right now are to hit the bricks and give her room.

I feel so sorry for your W. To have to go through this sort of pain twice is mentally and emotionally abuse from you. I would NEVER tolerate my FWH having another A. As a matter of fact I started saving mad money in the event he looses his mind again and puts me in the middle of another three ring circus and expose me to some OW skank's diseases I will be out of his life in less than 60 seconds. There would be NOTHING he could say to me or do for me to make me stay with him after a second time. There is no way you can tell me you love anyone but yourself after having two A within two years. You really need to stop trying to convince your W to stay in the M and find out what is broken within YOU which makes you want to stay M and have women on the side. The first contact you made with OW#2 was WRONG!!!! And you know this already. If not, why wasn't your W invited to your "lunch" with your XOW? That's the thing that you need to understand. Your W wants a faithful H and if you are not will to give her that you need to move out of her life and allow her to find someone who won't be looking to bone the next floozy who sets out to sleep with a MM.