I can understand you're skeptic, but I witnessed this. She works with special needs kids in the community. All last year and all through the summer I was witness to one parent/co-worker after another just gushing over how blessed they are to have her in the district working with their children. If I were you I would call it BS too, but I watch this happen everywhere we go, including yesterday and today.

I can honestly say that my LB over the summer and early fall were so bad, I felt I had no control over my anger because of my pain. My approach would have pushed anyone to second guess if R was worth it. I am in no way justifying what she did and will never own any part of her decisions. I allowed her to kill my spirit, I was paralized at work, avoided friends and fun, etc.. That I own because I chose to tie my worth to her horrible actions and words.

Let me ask this question. At what point does forgivness and faith play a role in MB, Let go and Let God? I respect and appreciate everyones view here, I just seek to understand, not judge.

I forgot to mention that I asked this question in the middle of LB bombing on her, not an excuse, just a fact I forgot to mention. This is in regards to the whole leaving the job thing.

You should have heard all the accolades I heard about my H and his work - they didn't notice the sneaky minutes (yep, minutes is all it takes) hiding in parking lots behind restaurants and bars )

Of COURSE you were LB! Your gut was screaming at you!

Forgiveness and faith both have a place. IMO, that place hasn't arrived yet. You have to determine what there is to forgive. You have to determine if your faith is well-placed. You've got a spouse who fessed up to an EA and is backing away from that now, but is still in the same situation. If you think that's all that is necessary for you to move along in your M, why do you post here? What is your goal? What is it you seek to understand?

ROFLMAO

So, ask her to leave her job again. Nice and calmly.

See what she says.

How did you find out about her EA?

My goal is a great marriage. Period.

She told me about the EA because it was eating her alive. She was losing weight and not sleeping. I think that part of her is not really sorry because it didn't get physical.

So. She was flirting with a guy at work, and that ate her alive. But she's okay with the fact that she can't choose between her husband and her job.

Cant, are you aware that one of the red flags to an A is the WSs sudden interest in their appearance? Men will change their clothing style, start working out to get in shape, clean out their car...women will do the same, yes - and start losing weight, and start losing sleep because thoughts of the OM makes it difficult to nod off. I'm just saying.

Her losing weight wasnt out of effort, she was already too skinny, the food went right through her. I do agree with you on her sleepless nights though. As soon as she commited to stay in the spring she began to sleep through the night, in fact she has been sleeping great lately. she is not on medication, however, she has always struggled self-esteem, eating disorder before marriage.

I recently tried with LB's to get her to consider meds, but she insisted she's not depressed or anxious. Again, came to me controlling her and I was using Lb's in the process so she has a point. I guess it was my way of trying to blame something other then me for her state of mind.

A REPENTANT wayward woman would understand why her hurting BS was angry.

A REPENTANT woman, who has impressed so many in her community w/ her passion and care for special needs kids, would be cable of understanding the pain SHE INFLICTED on her BH and would act in ways that would reassure him that she was committed to their M.

A REPENTANT woman would NOT tell her BH that she needed "space". Nor would she tell him that she chooses her JOB/OM over her BH.


Faith in your wife? If you're a Christian, the Bible speaks about putting your faith/trust in Jesus's works....not in any man/woman. Dr. Harley says we should not trust our spouses. Since we are all capable of cheating. He advices that there be no secrets kept in M. And tells us to check up on our spouses.

The Bible tells us of a man who was after God's own heart, who committed adultery.

Which do you think would have helped Uriah's M more? If he "trusted"/hoped God would take away his W's free will...something that GOD would NEVER do. Or if he put up a pair of drapes where his wife bathed?

Which do you think would have helped his M more? "Trusting"/hoping God would take away his W's free will? Or if he had changed professions and became a farmer so that he could be home where he could meet his W's ENs?

Which do you think will protect your M more? "Trusting" God will take your wife's free will away? Or insisting she establish NC w/ OM?

Were you able to expose the EA to the HR at her work.

Read here how NOT to start a fight. See the articles.

A speaker on the radio described his marriage as a joining of two forgivers. Feelings are always changing, but so long that the partners always forgive there is hope. Learn to rebuild your marriage on the basis of honesty.

Read a bit before you tackle this because there are pitfalls that you need to overcome -especially that trust is to be established between the two of you.

I'm not saying she was 'trying' to lose weight. The excitement of the OM would cause a loss of appetite that would lead to weight loss.

A lack of self-esteem doesn't necessarily require meds.

You don't know if she's sleeping through the night. My H admitted to lying awake all night at times during his A, unable to sleep because his mind was so busy replaying their time together, planning their next meeting, the gift he would buy her, etc. Entire nights, Cant. And I never saw it ONCE.

I don't want to be judgmental, mean, nothing like that, Cant. It's just that you came to site that is dedicated to rebuilding marriages after affairs. You have spent all of your posting time explaining why you shouldn't believe your W is having an A. If you believe that and it's really true, great! What a great thing, to be wrong about that! I hope it's true for you.

I still say your gut is emailing you.

I confess right up front that I have mostly skimmed through a lot of this, but after the initial post I wanted to tell you a story.

A family moved to a nice town for the H's job. After a few months, the local school district had an opening for a music teacher, so the W took the job. She loved it. She did well. She got joy fromt it.


Then one day the school hires an art teacher. They work together. No big deal. For awhile. Then an EA began. Then a PA began. W knew in her heart it was wrong, but the OM was there every day. The pull was too great. Meanwhile, she had already felt withdrawn in her marriage. Disappointed. Unfulfilled. And Sleep? Who needed sleep? And my, how the pounds melted off. Depressed? Anxious? No way. She felt happier than she had in years. Until she crashed.

Her D-Day was in July of 2006.

You have probably already figured out that the woman above is me. Teaching is an interesting field. It is nurturing in its nature. I know many people get close to the people they work with, but a faculty is like a family. There is no way she or you will ever recover as long as she is at that school. It is a hill worth dying on. And I do not think there is any way she can see him that much and not at least be triggered, if not continuing the affair.

Experience speaks volumes. Thank you, lurioosi. I don't think Cant wants to hear that. On a conscious level, anyway.

Where can I find information on exposure and the right way to do it

Who do you want to expose to? Her supervisors?

I think that is my only option at work right?

Did you read the newsletter forum - there's some info on exposure. Also check Notable Posts. There use to be a link to a sample letter for HR but it's been lost with crash. Maybe Mel has it to post?

Gg

cantakeit,

Have you told your W in no uncertain terms that you want her to quit her job?

Earlier, it seemed you were still fence sitting about it b/c of money matters.