Absolutely, Cat.

If she knows her BH will sit back and patiently wait until she's finished screwing this kid, what in the world will stop her from scewing another man when she's finished w/ this OM?

Shawn, expose the affair BEFORE you speak to the boy. If you talke to him BEFORE, you will neutralize the most potent weapon you have against the affair.

I would line up all your exposures in one day to get the maximum effect. The list should go something like this:

1. your wife's parents
2. close friends and family
3. your children <-----VERY IMPORTANT

4. The OM's momma and daddy. If my son acted so trashy I would horsewhip him on the public square. His parents can have an amazing impact on him

5. your pastor, if any

Affairs thrive on secrecy, so exposure will lead its ruination. Dr Harley calls exposure "the beginning of recovery." Many of us here are in recovered marriages today because we exposed. You would be wise to follow this advice.

BUT, whatever you do, DO NOT forewarn the affairees or threaten to expose. The affair will just go further underground that way and you will be disarmed. Just go do it.

THEN, go have a come to Jesus with this punk. Take a BIG friend.

Otherwise you will sit there being "nice" while she "tries" (and fails) to end the affair that is the source of her happiness right now.

How long are you prepared to look the other way? Sheeeesh. Women don't love men they can't RESPECT.

That boy will RUN the first time your wife becomes a problem for him. Think he wants to be a daddy to your 11 and 8 year olds?
He's in it for a good time. Thats all your wife is to him. Make it uncomfortable for him. Tell his mommy and daddy.

9MM is my big friend..DUDE

In the future (if and when your wife truly gets what she's done and repents) she will respect you more AND thank you for exposing her.

Don't think for a second if YOU had an affair on her that she wouldn't be exposing your butt all over town.

Exposure is the right thing to do...FOR YOUR WIFE.

If you truly want to save her from her self-destructive behavior you'll expose FOR HER.

Heck...chances are she will quit the bar job out of embarassment and that would be a huge plus for your marriage and family.

Your kids are counting on you to step up.

Of course, your wife will be FURIOUS and perhaps even try to pull the "that's the last straw" line we see so often, however, your marriage CAN survive her anger whereas it can not and will not survive ongoing contact with OM and continued wayward entitled thinking.

She has no right to make you keep her dirty little secret. This is YOUR LIFE TOO...YOU MATTER and women respect a man that stands up for himself (and his family...including her).

What would you do if you weren't afraid? Fear can be cripling....but right is right.

Mr. Wondering

VERY INAPPROPRIATE AND MISPLACED/MISTIMED ATTEMPT AT HUMOR.

Well, maybe she will develop a conscience. I mean, after all, she is not doing anything all that wrong, a married mom of two kids simply pursuing her dreams of emotional fulfillment with her soulmate. I'm sure she has connected with this young lad on the deepest of levels and they can talk skateboarding and the like.
Yeah, I bet she comes around on her own if Shawn can bone up on some things, like Hannah Montana episodes or American Idol .

Sorry...DUDE

"Party in the USA" I'm dancing, I'm dancing...DUDE

Go tell the boy his affair is over!

Shawn,

One thing in your initial post caught my attention.

""What started out as physical turned into an emotional affair.""

I have been here for over 5 years AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN A STATEMENT LIKE THIS BEFORE!!

We always see it started as an EA and then progressed to a PA.

This makes me wonder if there is some kind of open marriage arrangement going on between you and your wife. That and your reletively non-salience (sp) attitude about this whole thing.

By saying the above do you think, hey, it was only sex, so it's not such a big deal??

Maybe you are in shock and have not yet realized how your life has changed.

kirk

Dude,

9MM is my big friend..DUDE

Not always a good thing, my Wife knows I'm like that too, and I think that's one of the reasons why my wife is afraid to tell all. I'm pretty sure she has told some of her friends who knowing me told her to clam up.

NJ

You mess w/ my family(Wife, kids, siblings, dog), LOOKOUT, this Texas, we take care of down here...DUDE

My suggestion would be to leave the pistol in the car, or at the least, unload your pistol first unless you think you will need some self defense. If you think there is a chance you will punch out the OM, bring a friend who would be willing to step in if it gets heated.

However, I think this punk's momma can take care of him.

Very insightful, Kirk.

It's the only way that Shawn's posts make sense.

ahhhhhhhhhh, good catch, kirk! Are y'all swingers, Shawn?

Do not do anything that is going to cost you the custody of your children. Also 22year olds are not children. He frequents bars, his family could be nut jobs.

Do not take a gun to meet him. That is called premeditated ________ (whatever you do).


Just wanted to add to the cheerleading for EXPOSURE. Just do it.

I just assumed that as a new poster, recently traumatized, reeling and unfamiliar with the acronyms, he simply reversed them and it went from EA to PA. Maybe not.
If it was consensual swinging, I have less sympathy. That is just playing with fire, stupidly.

This is why I love the internet. A few hours later and I'm a swinger

No, not swingers. It was not phrased well. She did enter into this affair after she found her EN were being met by this confidant. They were spending time together working on other things and the same old story happened. I was just repeating an early conversation we had were she said when it began she did not have feelings for him, they grew overtime(which is expected).

I am seriously considering everything you have all said (not much variation in that message). We talked some more tonight. She has been reading through some sites, including MB.com and she says she is ending the affair. I have also contacted the OM and told him to go away. I will now contemplate exposure as a way to ensure the affair is over. We will be looking into a marriage councilor next.

krusht...thats EXACTLY what I thought when I read it a minute ago...I'm like, WTF? I am a member on some other forums as well and never heard that one, maybe he meant it the other way.

Regardless, 22 isn't a kid, he has a 'johnson' and is using it on a married woman with kids. She is doing her part, sure, but that boy needs to be taught a lesson, along with the wife.

You just kicking back and being worried HER feelings would not be my approach. Sure you didn't communicate well with her, but the marital problems are 50/50...her having sex out of the marriage is NEVER justified, never.

Your inaction is silent approval, IMO.

I got my own problems, WTF do I know? lol