Once again, SDC_man, your list posting causes me to take a long, hard look at WW.

Yikes...

To what end? WW has no money and no property. A hostile, angry case wouldn't give me satisfaction, and it would probably just bring out the worst in me. Believe me, I've shown the worst in me several times during the past five weeks. I want to move past that.

I was just thinking you could get rid of the waiting period if you filed for Adultery. I don't think that saying the truth represents the worst in anyone. If the truth hurts then that is your WW's fault.

If you are fine with the waiting period then keep it. Are you sure you are not responsible for her child support during the separation?

I'm okay with the waiting period. It will give her (and me) time to sort things out. Right now, I'd say it's probably 90% certain we'll end in D. But given our histories, anything is possible. She first has to be "sobered up" and get clear-headed. This may not happen (at least in six months) and then the D will be filed.

Our PSA specifies how our finances are to be managed: Her debts are hers and mine are mine (except for the $4K she owes as half the remaining debt on my credit card she racked up). Her child support has NEVER been my responsibility. I paid the last three months when (a) the A wasn't known, and (b) I bought my office furniture from her (long story, but she brought it to the marriage).

I cut her off completely yesterday. She asked me to fill her gas tank. I said no. She asked me to reimburse her for gas she had purchased. I said no. She asked me to continue receiving her mail. I said no. She wanted to come and go as she pleased to continue her move-out. I said no.

If you've read my thread, you'll know she's on the edge of collapse. This is what she wanted. As the saying goes, "Be careful what you ask for. You might get it."

That is truly an amazing display of a huge sense of entitlement. It is mind boggling. She cheats and then asks you to fill her tank, reimburse her for her fuel etc.

Fred, if this stuff was not so sick and tragic, it might be comical

What's next?Maybe she can shoot your dog and ask if you'd mind shampooing her rugs.Or, why don't you wax her car for her, Fred? WTF is wrong with you?

Zelmo, I said NO.

She's desperate. She has no money. Her bank account is overdrawn, her credit card is maxed out. She has no job, no place to stay. She's started smoking again (I don't even know how much cigarettes cost these days, but it can't be cheap). Her OM is impotent.

And yet she's living in a fantasy world.

I might just count the days until she crashes. Who's taking odds?

Right, I know. Just amazed at her gall.

Oh, and would you mind watering her plants?

(the WTF was a rhetorical/jest deal)

She did ask me to do that.

6YL,

I've been thinking about your question some more. I think I want the six month buffer to keep me "unavailable."

I have no illusions about my desirability to the opposite sex (well, at least I'm not bald and fat). But the six month waiting period makes me unavailable for ricochet romances and other dangerous, entangling relationships.

Let's just say that right now I'm a little gunshy.

As soon as I get the green light from work, I'm planning a nice little solitary vacation break...

Whne she does crash, it will be difficult to restrain yourself from kicking her when she is down, after all the pain she caused you. I had this opportunity with my first XWW. SHe abused her second hysband, a decent guy, and he divorced her. I helped her move to her new place. She tired one of the hoovers described in the BPD literature(try to suck you back in). Told me with tears in her eyes that she loved me. I was flabbergasted and speechless. I just said thanks and left.

I'd like to think not, Zelmo. She's under the influence of her addiction, and isn't herself. I've already kicked her a bit (I wish I'd known about Plan A earlier), but now I see her condition and just feel sorry for her.

Of course, this is also the reason that I'm sure the crash is coming. Or maybe I should say that I predict in a short time she'll be drinking again, and her relapse will be complete.

The question then is, will she be able to sober up again? And how long before she does? Not every relapse leads back to recovery...

Update:

I found out this morning from a mutual friend that WW had taken up smoking before DDay. She was able to successfully hide it from me (no smell on her, her clothes or in the car), obviously.

This is a very big LB for me. I know, it may sound trivial, but alcohol consumption and smoking are two hot-button triggers for me (having done both in the past).

My final memory of WW as she came to move out last Monday is of her on the front porch, smoking, fidgeting and generally just looking awful. I don't want that to be my last memory of her...

Maybe you can get a lobotomy and forget her , entirely.
Seriously, I know the loss of a dream is painful. But, if she is disordered, that is exactly what it was, an illusion.

Your daughter, who was not invested as you were, seems to be able to see her for what she really is. And, now you are seeing what is underneath the facade, Fred.
Scary, isn't it, that this went undetected/denied for so long. I did the same thing. Wanted it to be somethig it was not.

I think this may be why your posts have been so magnetizing to me, Zelmo. The hard truth is in them, and I so want to believe otherwise.

I had two discussions with friends (who know/knew us both). The overarching opinion is that everyone who knows us is on "my side" (maybe I'll edit this response if I can think of a more appropriate term, as that isn't quite it). The outpouring of love and comfort for and to me is quite staggering.

This "sudden truth" may also be why I don't find the utter darkness of Plan B to be so difficult (but I do find it tempting to still check her phone records, email, etc.). If she comes out of relapse, it may not be for quite a while. Maybe never. I can't wait forever. So I have told everyone that yesterday (December 1) was "my life rebooted."

Above all, is the belief given to me by everyone -- my AA friends, colleagues and MB forum-goers, that I will survive. That I will come out of this better, wiser and richer than before.

Thank you, my unknown friend.

Yeah, I got the same type of support, Fred. Quite a few of our mutual acquaintances have supported me, after both my divorces.
In my first marriage, where my wife serially cheated and drink like a fish, her sister implored me to divorce her and told me "Zelmo, as you walked down the aisle with my sister,I said to my husband ""I hope this poor guy knows what he is getting into.""
Same with wife number two, who was seeing her highschool boyfriend and the Schwann's frozen food delivery man nights when I worked. Her parents have both told me she is a habitual liar and without a conscience.
Still, the loss of a dream hurts. I just go NC with both of them, except to discuss the kids.

Please tell me I'm not running away.

Yesterday, Plan B went into full effect. Today, I purchased a five day, four night vacation for New Year's Eve abroad.

I can afford it.

The way I see it is that not only am I black hole dark, but I can be halfway around the world for a while. The holidays at home won't be as melancholy, and I get to explore a place I've never traveled to (Iceland).

Good move, or bad?

AWESOME move!

Excellent choice.

And, if she happens to find out where you went, quite a slap in the face to her, metaphorically speaking (getting as many miles away from her as possible).

It's one of the Cities I Want to Visit on Facebook (yeah, I enrolled after I learned she was on it). I plan to take a lot of photos and journal my New Year's Eve there. She'll see my posts because I'm still on her "friend list."

You've blocked HER, though? Right?

Take her off your friends list, dude. Plan B is supposed to be dark for her, too, so that you don't meet any of her emotional needs.