In a minute (thanks for suggesting it).

I took a trip that I always dreamed of during Plan B.

I had a really good time. I did take my copy of SAA to read while there if I felt blue. It helps me read and reread the books to keep focused!

Excellent idea, Fred. The Vikings were said to have stashed the attractive women they stole , in Iceland. The gene pool for attractive people is very good, I'm told.
So, enjoy the sights and the hot springs.

Fred,

Nothing is "impossible" and only you can say whether or not you want to remain open to a potential reconciliation down the road. WWs are a "tough nut to crack" even in the best of circumstances and far tougher to recover a marriage with typically than are WHs (even the Harley's confess this is true).

I do think that, as difficult as it is, putting aside the raging emotional turmoil and taking a hard, rational (pre-affair) look at your wife is wise here. People CAN & DO change...but they have to WANT TO CHANGE. She has a great deal of work to do and she won't even be remotely in a position to begin seeing that until AFTER the affair ends...and then she still has to CHOOSE to do it.

It's a long road and you have been released from your vows & emotional obligations by her infidelity. You may want to consider cutting your losses quickly here, especially if she indeed has so much pre-existing baggage to work through.

You are doing the right thing by cutting her off and refusing to be dragged into her self-destructive lifestyle choices.

Too right. There is hardly any daylight in Iceland at that time of year.

But keep your eyes away from attractive women while you are married. Be especially carefully while on holiday alone. A lot of alcohol is consumed in Nordic countries, and you can easily let your guard down while drinking. Keep your EPs high.

Not to worry about either. First, I'm a recovered alcoholic, so I won't be drinking. In fact, I'll be looking for meetings, not booze.

Second, my attorney made it very clear to me that although we are separated, my WW and I are still married.

She may have dashed, crushed and eviscerated the marriage vows, but that doesn't give me license to.

It's just going to be me and my camera. On New Year's Eve, no less.

I am grateful for support groups. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for those who come here and have no one they can turn to for hugs and solace.

Last night I attended one of the meetings I've gone to for years. My attendance there has been sporadic since the M, because W and I moved about eight miles away, but I appear there on occasion still (and with more frequency since Dday). Never in the 18+ years I've been in recovery have I felt worse leaving a meeting than when I came in, but it got darn close last night.

The topic was honesty. And people were sharing about how important and crucial honesty was to recovery, and how some people are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.

My feeling of calm eroded. I felt my heart beating faster and faster. My hands tensed up and I felt like leaving. But I did not. Toward the end of the meeting I could stand it no longer and I raised my hand.

I shared that for the past five weeks I have been brutalized by someone else's deceit and dishonesty. That I had been emotionally battered and psychologically bruised. I told them that I felt meetings were safe places and that I did not want to leave feeling as I did. Only by sharing my pain and discomfort would I be able to have these feelings lifted from me. Tears fell.

After the meeting was over, a number of people came over to me and hugged me and gave me words of comfort. I did not leave the meeting feeling worse than when I arrived.

How do people who don't have meetings manage? I honestly don't think I could make it. You people are awesome, and I cling to your words. But a warm hug can be a great form of therapy.

My advice to anyone reading this: If you can, find a support group. If alcohol plays a part in your travail, find Al-Anon or A.A. (whichever is applicable -- or both). Or simply stay close to family and friends. It's so much better than trying to do this alone!

Good move!

Anyone watching the house while you're away?

The locks have been changed and I have an alarm system. I'm going to ask one of the neighbors to pick up the mail and feed the cat (I haven't yet worked to find it another home).

While this thread is active again, I have a question for the veterans:

I've read suggestions given to others to call/contact the OM. No one suggested that to me, but I did send him a copy of the Plan B letter with the P.S. to him, per SAA.

Is it appropriate to contact the OM during Plan B? Or is dark DARK? (I suspect the latter, but I would like the more experienced hands to comment).

Fred, I would not bother with the OM at this point.

Good. I'm exhausted, and Plan B is giving me some much needed time to look at other aspects of my life.

Thank you.

I just found out from other parties that my WW is about to come into some money. An offer to purchase property that belongs to her and her estranged brother has been received. If they split the proceeds, she will get about $35K.

There goes the biggest barrier to a quick end of Plan B.

I'm still dark.

Would that be considered marital property, as in you are due 50% of her 50%?

Probably not, if it is from her family, an inheritance or something she came into the marriage with.
Fred, I know you view her having access to $$ as , possibly , a bad thing.
I'm no karma/zen type, but, perhaps some entity is watching out for you and protecting you from having the option of allowing this person back into your life.
And, I would not bother with the OM at this point, either. These guys lie and they could care less about your pain.
I'll take bets that in a year, these two are at each others throats.

No. Anything either of us gains after the date of separation is not considered marital property. And even if it were, our Agreement specifies that we relinquish any claim to it.

Thank you, Zelmo. I had much the same thoughts earlier when I learned of her good fortune.

Here it is, only the third day into Plan B and already I'm tired. To think, the Agreement specifies six months. That's how long I'm giving Plan B, too. I have no choice.

I don't think WW and OM even have an idea of what reality is.

Yes, I would. Thanks, Sh0cked.