Where does the abortion leave contact between your wife and OM? For most of the time you have been here, they have been in contact because your wife wanted him involved in the baby's life. NC was never established or even tried. No letter was sent. Is your wife still attending the same educational place as OM?

If you are going to give your marriage a try, however half-hearted you feel just now, then your wife must impose NC right away. If she tries to keep OM on the scene in any way, such as if she says they do not talk but they attend the same classes, then your marriage will never recover.

It might be a good idea to start a new thread over in the forum Surviving an Affair, because this is no longer a pregnancy/child situation. This is now a post-affair situation. You could keep this thread open to discuss any lingering feelings you might have about the pregnancy, but you will get the best advice about recovering from the affair (without a child) over on SaA.

I normally suggest moving the whole thread over, but this one is very long, and in a way, you are in a new situation now. A new thread, with the condensed events in the opening post, might be a good way of getting expert help with NC.

"""""She says that she thought it would be the right thing to do but after she got there she changed her mind and they told her she was just nervous and drugged her up to the point that she didn't really know what was going on. she was pretty upset about it """""

i am not anti abortion but i am so sorry this happened this way. your w is indeed going to need some IC for this.

what back woods clinic or physician works that way?

my w also went in to have oc aborted and she also changed her mind. but they didn't drug her up and proceed anyway.

i will be praying for you and your w

If it really happened the way that she said it did, I can't even imagine that it's legal. What kind of a clinic/doctor/whatever would drug someone and force them to go through with the abortion after changing their mind? Something doesn't sound right about that at all.

I was very saddened to read your post today too. I contemplated abortion for about a split second when I found out I was pregnant with my OC, but I never could have gone through with it. I hope your W is okay.

>What kind of a clinic/doctor/whatever would drug someone and force them to go through with the abortion after changing their mind?

You're kidding right?

Even sheltered me has heard these stories.

And I'm TOTALLY for a person's right to choose.

Nope, I'm not kidding. I've never heard of this happening before.

I would never get an abortion myself, but I do support a woman's right to choose. I also support her right to change her mind.

i have to agree with w1 here. although it doesn't surprise me that things like this happen in todays world.

i am still shocked and baffled when it does.

and i completely support a woman's right to choose also

I am never shocked at what institutions do in the name of funding...not anymore.

The day I took her to the clinic i Asked her several times if this is what she wanted to do and i she was still unsure she knew that it would be easier for us to work on things with out the added stress of the OC but she as alot of you are, has always been against abortion. There were so many factors in play, the fact that she has tried to go NC with OM and he has felt entitled to C her due to the baby and she says he has been mentally and physically abusive and she couldn't deal with him being around for the next 18 years. She also had a friend that she had been talking to and getting advice from who use to be a counselor at a battered womans shelter and she also told her that it was the best thing to do because the OM would eventually end up hurting her really bad and possibly could kill her. My W did alot of research and talked to alot of people and decided to go up there and she was told that she would have the opportunity to speak with a counselor before anything was done and she said that the only person that came to speak with her was the nurse who told her " I have had one before and it's not a big deal". That morning when i dropped her off i went up the street and turned around and came back to ask her if she was sure because i know it is not like her to do something like this. when she seen me she came out and we talked for a few minutes and she asked me if I was going to love this child and help her raise it and i told her if we stay together then yes but there are more issues here than just the child and then she went back in the clinic. After i got home she called me and said that she didn't have enough money for the procedure and she needed me to come pick her up and thought to myself it was Gods will, while on my way she called back and said that they waived the cost and would do it for the amount she had, I asked her again if she was sure and she said no but she still wanted to talk to the counselor, that is when the nurse came by and gave her an ativan and said it would calm her down and about an hour later came by and gave her another and she said by that time she was just going with the flow of things she said when the nurse would tell her to go somewhere she would just go. I can say she was horrified by the experience and she said that place should be shut down.

So I guess this means the OC issue is no longer a issue which it wasn't as big of an issue to me, as it was to her, well at least at this time. My biggest issue all along has been the lies and deceit but we will see what happens. As the days go on she proves herself to more and more unlike someone i want to spend the rest of my life with. whether it be times that she gets pissed cuz i say i'm leaving and she tells me to leave then and that i am not taking anything with me, she say's if i leave i have to leave with out either one of the two cars i have been paying for and without a phone or anything else. despite all that i still do not care because those are material things and i can always get them again but the thing that pisses me off the most is the way she is handeling this with the kids.

When we are at the point where it looks like it is over and i'm on my way out the door she will say " you need to tell the kids you are leaving". So me trying to keep there little hearts as innocent to it all as possible go back sit down with them and say "guys you know daddy loves you but daddy is going to get his own house and you guys can come and stay with me sometimes" you know something along the lines of that to try to be on there level but then here she comes saying stuff like "Daddy's leaving because he doesn't love us anymore" and despite everything i have done been through and put up with thus far that will be the one thing that will cause me to lose my temper.

This is very very shocking to me. Your WW needs to name names on this, it is criminal.

Oh and I totally support a womans right to choose. I wish men had the same legal right.

How long has it been since the abortion? Has your W talked with an IC about her traumatic experience?

Right now may not be the time to deal with too much heavy relationship stuff. You said that the two of you have been fighting more lately. Is that since the abortion? Your W is probably dealing with a lot of emotions right now and likely needs some time to heal from all of this.

From what you've said about her discovering that OM is very abusive, I'm assuming that the A is over. Since the OC is no longer an issue, has she written a NC letter and ended all contact with the OM?

Very sad.

Hey guys,
Just thought I would jump on here and update everyone on the latest happenings in my life. Well it has been a pretty long road so far but we have finally come to the first stop light on this long journey, up until now it was all about figuring out what we were going to do even tho I knew in my heart that it was over but i still felt like i owed it to her and to my kids to atleast give it a try. We had finally decided after months of deliberation to call it quits and her and the kids ended moving back to her dads about a week ago. whether or not she has completely giving or this is just one of her attempts to see if i will miss her and give in and take her back I still haven't figured out yet. Right now things are going somewhat smoothly for the most part but knowing her, I know that this is probably the calm before the storm. There are alot more details that i would like to share with you all but i don't have the time right now but i would like to say before i go that this website is the only thing that was able to help me to keep my sanity and keep me from making a lot of bad decisions. And i would just like to say thank you to everyone who was there to offer advice to me when i was in my deepest time of need.

((nned)) Keep strong for those kids of yours!~

Is there still NC?

How has the WW processed the abortion?

To be honest i don't think the abortion has really affected her that much or at least not like i thought it would have. And again i don't know if this is just one of her plans to try to make me miss her and feel lonely or whatever or if she has finally gotten the concept that i do not want to be with her. She Claims that she hasn't spoken to him but i still do not believe that because she just had to go to court last week for slashing the girls tires and she seen him up there, i went also but she was there before i got there and she said he tried to talk to her but she just walked away, but again there have been so many lies during this whole thing that i don't know what to believe anymore so therefore i don't trust any of them.

nned: Thanks for the bit of encouragement and i am doing the best i can. I think that in the end i will end up with the kids anyway. I feel like she will find them to be a burden or not be able to handle them on her own and will give me full custody at least that is what i am hoping will happen. The reason i think this is for instance yesterday one of my kids was sick and couldn't go to school and since she just started a new job i told her i would call out of work and stay home with him, but i found out today that she didn't even go to work yesterday so my question is why if she wasn't going to go to work why would she not stay home with him so i could go to work, but i do not ask questions i just document everything that way when it comes down to it i can pull out my files and show that i have all my ducks in a row.

Hey guys i just coming thru to see what kind of issues people were dealing with in life and i was reading a few other post and I just wanted to say thanks for all the help you guys have given me and tell you that you guys give great advice and keep doing what your doing because whether you realize it or not just having a listen ear (I guess in this case it would be a reading eye) can be the deciding factor that keeps people from making really bad decisions. keep up the good work and thanks again

Update your story.

How are you nned?

I'm actually doing quite well, atleast better than expected. I was hurt for a little while and thought i missed her but it continued to be one thing after another and then i finally realized that it was not her that i missed it was just the whole family aspect of things

i don't have much time right now and i need to go back thru and re read my post to see where i left off with things. I know it has been a while but once the baby was out of the picture i went over and started a thread in the divorcing forum and just didn't really get the responses and the help that i was looking for so i kinda strayed away from the site. But i was sitting at work the other day and i thought about how all of you guys helped pull me thru this rough time and i thought maybe i could offer someone a bit of advice even if it was nothing more than keep your head up and stay positive.

Ok have to go but i will update my story as soon as i get the chance.