"Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings."

This seems like a good idea to me. As does pho. And watching football. ;P

While perusing the listing for local running events a thought occurred to me:

Suppose WW and I both register for the same running event? Currently, she is low on funds, but may receive some money in the near future due to the sale of her late folks' property.

This thought came to me as I saw an annual New Years' Eve run that we've both participated in before. This year I won't be in the country New Year's Eve, so this particular race isn't at issue, but moving forward, what happens if I show up at a race and she's there? Do I leave (and forfeit my entry fee), do I ignore her, or is there another way to handle this?

I know this may just be projection on my part. Since she's started smoking, her running may be slipping away (and just recently she told everyone she wanted to do a triathlon before she turned 50. Since her bike is still here, that may be a goal that is also going by the wayside). Still, what does the collective expertise of this forum say?

I've been reading the thread "Is SF marital currency?" and since I don't want to threadjack, have decided to post my question in my own. In fact, it's raised a number of questions that pertain to my own situation, so here is the best place for it (and honesty being the best policy, I'm being completely upfront about this).

My WW has always seemed to have a high sex drive (see my question about "can women be sex addicts, too?"). This has not been a complaint, but there WERE some things that bothered me after a while.

Perhaps the first was her complete lack of need for foreplay. Oh, this might be some guys' ideal dream -- get right down to it, in effect -- but I like the idea of romance, expectation and even perhaps a little role-playing. With her, it was almost like, "I'm feeling h*rny," grab some lube and have at it. This might be SF, but often I felt that something was lacking.

On D-Day, one of her "complaints" was my lack of SF. She says that she urged me to see a Dr. and have my testosterone levels checked -- and get help (i.e., Vitamin V).

There may be something in what she states. I did some research into ED (after getting checked and having nothing inordinate found) and learned that other factors can contribute to it: Stress, injury, psychological problems, and so on.

Stress. Well, being the primary bread-winner, supporting not only WW's career change plans, but also being laid off from a job I'd held since before we were married certainly caused some stress.

Injury. A year ago (almost to the day today, in fact) I suffered what I call my "back attack." I was in such pain that WW took me to the emergency room where I spent several hours being treated (and with a blood pressure that skyrocketed during the time). It turns out that some spinal problems that seem to have been building over the past couple of years finally decided to "erupt." For the past year I have been receiving injections, physical therapy and more, with the expectation that in the not-too-distant future I will need spinal surgery.

Psychological. Having read SAA and plenty of posts and articles here, I realize that not only was I not meeting many of WW's EN, she too, was not meeting some of mine.

Now, at 58, I don't think I'm quite as "responsive" as I may have been in my younger days, and perhaps I might even require a little "assistance" -- I'm willing to accept that possibility -- but it still doesn't diminish the apparent need WW has for SF.

Confused? Don't worry, so am I. On one hand, as a man I'm delighted that WW is always ready, eager and available. On the other, however, there isn't any mystery or romance to it. I'm sure the Harleys have something to say about this sort of issue, but I can't find it.

Realizing that I'm still married until I file for divorce (or she does, but she's not able to lawyer up right now), I am thinking of wearing my wedding ring again. I removed it when my WW said she was leaving the M (she had already removed hers). My attorney reminded me of that the day we signed the Separation Agreement. So why not? I'm not supposed to "have a girl friend" until then, so why not? It's a reminder of the fact that I *am* married, after all.

And to double-dip on this message (it's my thread, after all), I'm suddenly feeling depressed. I acknowledge my addictive personality disorders, and I think I've been spending too much time on this forum.

Don't get me wrong -- you folks are terrific, and you've been nothing but the salvation of my sanity. But reading the ongoing tales of the cruelest of activities my mind can get wrapped around is taking its toll on me. I'm going to start cutting down on my time here.

I'm now in Plan B, having barely worked a Plan A, and I continue to question my own motives and wishes when I read the posts here. That's good, but it's also very draining, emotionally. Call it a "mini-sabbatical." In a way, it's like the New Year's vacation I've arranged; it's a way to escape my surroundings and thoughts for a short while. Sometimes, a little escapism isn't a bad thing.

Checking out for a while. I'll monitor threads (mfoss, are you listening?), but I'm not going to "camp" on this site for a while. Thanks everyone. Keep up the great work!

Breaks from here ARE really good. The work on the site a while ago was very refreshing. Couldn't come to read and post.

The board is really good for centering though.

The SF thread shouldn't mess with your head too much.

My wayward was completely nonsexual with me for years. I thought he was impotant but alas was having mind blowing hot sex with his OW.

Sex is a weird thing. Illicit sex makes it more 'hot' to waywards, so you can not compare it to a committed, loving relationship where you talk and live life and raise a family. The wayward must PLAN the rendevous with the partner in adultery and that makes it a well tended trist. If only they bothered to plan it with their husband or wife. They might be pleasantly surprised.

Anyway.....no matter what your age and stage in your virility, it matters not. The brain IS the main sex organ. It truly is.

Have a nice holiday!

I have just bought Visa gift cards for my three stepchildren. I will be mailing them today or tomorrow, depending on how quickly I get the greeting cards accompanying them addressed.

I have only spoken to the oldest (SD22) about her mom's affair. I wrote to the younger two's father, but have said nothing to them about it. Should I mention anything in the cards to them? Something like, "I am sorry that we're not spending Christmas together this year, but your mom has chosen to once again break up her family?" Or should I leave it alone and simply wish them a Merry Christmas?

Yes, go ahead and say so, and say why. They all need to know.

How old are they though?

Stepson is 13, Stepdaughter is 15.

Old enough to understand. And this is the second time "mom" has wrecked the family. The third time for the oldest, 22.

Maybe phone their dad?

Have you talked to him about this issue?

That feels too much like a dead fish upside the head to me. I'm just spectacularly uncreative this morning, and Neak-the-Published-Author, who always has a deft touch, isn't available to come up with one for me. (The nerve of her, having her own life and not waiting around for Mama to call! ) I think it's great to express regret about not being able to see them at Christmas, and how much you wish that you could. Saying that their mother has done it "again" just jars when placed in the context of a Christmas message. There's GOT to be a better way to get that point across. IMO. Just don't ask me what it is.

tl

tl

My suggestion -- if you want to write it, do it in an insert instead of directly on the card. They might want to display the card on their mantle and may junk or hide yours because of the uncomfortable message.

Not that they don't need to hear it... but because you wrote it in a card.

I don't know if that makes sense but I've had to do that when a friend wrote info. about the affair in a birthday card to me. I understand the sentiment and was glad she wrote to me on it, but I hid the card from my kids because I couldn't put it on the mantle with the other cards.

Not trying to over analyze your situation, Fred, but you WANT them to display your card so they're reminded that you care about THEM. They had nothing to do with the affair.

I would just wish them Merry Christmas and tell them you miss them, in the card. If you want, write a separate small letter and insert it in the card that talks about the affair and what she's doing. They need to know.

I have not phoned him. He is quite difficult to talk with -- I have attempted to reach out to him via mail and through SD22 (who is his adopted D) and nothing. Zilch. Nada.

He is a very controlling, I-am-always-right type of person. I even asked him to respond to me, even if it was only to say, "I told you so." Nothing.

The gift cards have their own envelope that I was going to put inside the greeting card envelope. Using your suggestion, I could put something there. And yes, I want them to know that I am still their stepfather; that what happened between WW and me was not about them. They've already had mom abandon them once. Now, WW contacts them via text message (and maybe via voice), but has very little quality time with them. They know there's another man. What they may not know is the FogBabble.

I received a letter in the mail today from OMW's attorney. It readsAs Holmes may have said to Watson, "The game's afoot..."

Oh boy!

Did I just hear a bell tolling?

{Message forwarded to my attorney with the following}

I saw Sonny Jurgenson play at RFK when I was a kid. Liked Riggins comment to Justice O'Connor.