This is the advice I got from Pepperband and gg15 when I posted asking if I should attend. I would not hurt my daughter and her husband by missing the event.

As it turned out there were several people including my other daughter who thought WW bring OM to the event was a total lack of class. I just kept smiling and visiting with all the people there and watched as WW basked in embarrassment.

bcb

One does not usually go wrong when you follow Pepperband's advice.

Glad it worked ok for you.

Wow, they really have no sense! bringing OP to a family event. What a loser!
This tell you really...he is the loser. For all to see.
You have class and dignity. That is what counts and makes you the person you are. A better person.
blessing

Hey BC, be glad you are now becoming aware of what kind of character your wife has. Any wife who is "counseling with" and "describing her affair in detail" to her HUSBAND!!!!! And bringing him to a family event????? WOW!!!!! That is the height of heinousness!!!! In this world!!!

IS SICK,, IS SELFISH BEYOND BELIEF, IS ABUSIVE, IS A USER, DOES NOT CARE ABOUT OTHERS, IS SELF CENTERED, IS REALLY MENTALLY QUESTIONABLE, IS NOT FIT TO BE A WIFE!!!!!!

I am just glad you are seeing it so you can get a divorce. I doubt this woman is going to change any.

And let me add, this woman is not INTUITIVE as the word means because she does not see things as they are. Intuitive people use thier gentle intuition to protect themselves and others and help make the world a better place. She is actively destroying her world, your world, your kids worlds,, and everyone around her.

Instead, the words for her would be irrational, compulsive, abusive, uncaring, "DESTROYER" and selfish.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/INTUITIVE

As you can see, intuition is a God given gift or talent used to help people in the world navigate and love others. This is the opposite of what talents your wife has. She does not have good intuition nor does she use intuitive thought.

Rather, she appears to be compulsive, childish, immature, self centered, cold, uncaring and insensitive.

I guess the phrase "love is blind" applies to me. It has taken me a long time to see the behavior and character that is now showing up. I am having to realize there must be something really wrong and I don't know if this is just fog (and something that she can eventually overcome) or if she really is broken.

It has been suggested to me that she could quite likely be suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder and her behavior certainly adds fuel to that fire.

I still feel sad as I had always wished for the stability in a family, and to be able to provide that stability for my kids. If there is anything more difficult in life I have not encountered it yet.

I am resolved to not let the actions and behaviors of others impact how I respond. I am committed to acting with honor.

It is nice to be appreciated on occasion so I thought I would share an email I got from my daughter.


I love my kids and I am thankful for the people they have become.

BC, you seem to be a good honest person and you see the GOOD in others. It is itself a sort of blindness of the truth.

I used to be this way too. Since I was a good person, I could not recognize bad in others. I just could not see people who damaged others since I would never want to do that.

Since I would never do bad things to other people, I could not easily see the bad characters of others.

I am not bragging how good i am I am just saying I am not a bad person, a selfish person, or a damager of a person.

BCB,

Your daughter's email says a few things that I wonder if you see. Clearly, she appreciated you being there for her knowing that your W bringing the OM would hurt. You should be commended for how you handled that. But, just as clearly there is another message there. The message? You have succeeded, you have won, you have met your goals. You can now go KNOWING that you have done your job.

What am I talking about??? I am a father and a bit older than you . While I value my W greatly and want her in my life, my REAL contribution to the world is my children. I want them to be people of character. I want them to be people that make a difference in the world, even if only on a very small stage that is their life. I want them to be good parents, good spouses, and good people.

It seems to me that your daughter's prompt email and what you said about your other daughter, clearly show that you have succeeded in your life. Your W has chosen to destroy this marriage. She has shown her "depth of character". AND she is by virtue of comparison with you showing your daughters what they do not want to become and what they want to become.

BCB, step back and let go. You have done your job with your children, and you can help with your grandchildren. Your work with your W is done. It is time you now showed them how to live in the future and make the best of bad decisions by other people. You have more life lessons to teach and I think it is time you decided to do that.

Your W's issues be they physiological or not are not your issues. She must seek help for them, and right now she is choosing OM to be her guide in life. Let her do that. You on the other hand let your faith and your confidence by your guide and I would say from what your daughters have said, they appreciate the man that you are.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

JL
I do not know what to say. Coming from a person I have come to respect as much as you, I am deeply humbled.

I was really having difficulty as we are getting closer to Christmas, and with all the "expectations" of being a happy family gathered around and celebrating, I was feeling pretty discouraged.

Thank you for your encouragement. I really appreciate it.

Expectation????

BCB, it seems to me all you have to do is be yourself. Your daughters are not expecting anything more or less of you than you be the man you have been and are now. Enjoy your daughters and your Christmas. It is a time of renewal after all.

JL