|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
The fact that she is so scared of you calling the OM tells me she is doing some serious lying to him. Something like: my H has asked for a D and we are "separating." Calling him up and comparing notes will likely uncover some lies.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
mfoss, can you time your most explosive exposures for this afternoon so it all comes falling down on her head at once? For example, finish up any CLOSE parents this afternoon. Then, about an hour before the kids get home, call the OM and have a little come to Jesus with him. He will probably call your wife at that time and she will call you. Don't answer your phone. When your kids get home, tell them the truth.
That way, everything will come crashing down on her TODAY. When she gets home and finds out about the kids and the OM, you can tell her that you have informed EVERYBODY about her affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263 |
I am working on making it as big and meaningful as possible today / this aft. Refocussing my efforts. Kids are big, and they are on.
_________________________ BH=36(me), WW=36 DDay: Dec 4 2009
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263 |
I should be clear that she is not totally denying the affair, she is just not being very honest about it. Depends on who she is talking to likely, and what she thinks their response will be ( I would guess).
_________________________ BH=36(me), WW=36 DDay: Dec 4 2009
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263 |
I don't have his number. I may resort to sending him a message. I am giving his name a lot of publicity.
_________________________ BH=36(me), WW=36 DDay: Dec 4 2009
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
mfoss, cant you get it from your wifes cell phone bill? What about his work? You can get that #, right?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I just have a feeling that she is scared your contacting the OM will ruin her affair or she wouldn't be so terrified about that.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263 |
Yup, I may call him @ work. will check the cell phone bill, excellent idea!
_________________________ BH=36(me), WW=36 DDay: Dec 4 2009
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
However you get him, I would try to let him know who is calling by disguising your # with *67. He might try to avoid you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
What does this guy do for a living? How old is he?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263 |
He works in retail. He is 32.
_________________________ BH=36(me), WW=36 DDay: Dec 4 2009
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
I just have a feeling that she is scared your contacting the OM will ruin her affair or she wouldn't be so terrified about that. ITA. The OM is going to start looking at her as a liability and an unnecessary hassle.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263 |
I am bagging all sorts of biggies.
_________________________ BH=36(me), WW=36 DDay: Dec 4 2009
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263 |
ITA. The OM is going to start looking at her as a liability and an unnecessary hassle. This is the plan.
_________________________ BH=36(me), WW=36 DDay: Dec 4 2009
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263 |
Flooding the zone. Almost think I could not do the kids.
Except...
that would not be fair to them.
_________________________ BH=36(me), WW=36 DDay: Dec 4 2009
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Zelmo (and others):
My position on many aspects of marital therapy has been admittedly controversial when first expressed. His Needs, Her Needs was ripped by many therapists in 1986 when it was first published because they didn't believe that men and women's emotional needs were different. Today, there are very few that believe that anymore.
My position on conflict management (Policy of Joint Agreement) was also roundly criticized by some feminists as giving away women's right to independence. Of course, most of these critics were not in favor of marriage in the first place. But today, the idea of finding mutually adventageous solutions to problems in marriage is main-stream.
And, my position on radical honesty and transparency in marriage, which was definitely not in the tool box of most counselors when I first brought it up, is now becoming much more accepted by therapists working in the trenches.
At first, whenever I came up with a new idea, I'd try it out on the couples I counseled. My goal was always to "do no harm" in my effort to help. I was very concerned about unintended consequences. But as I created methods that were logical outcomes of my basic theory, I found that these methods worked amazingly well every time they were implemented. That's why I can speak with such confidence today. I've personally witnessed thousands of successful outcomes when couples learn to meet each other's emotional needs, learn to make decisions with mutual enthusiastic agreement, and learn to be radically honest with each other.
The same can be said about telling children about an affair. My experience with the positive outcomes of hundreds of families where an affair has been exposed to children has led me to encourage a betrayed spouse not to fear such exposure. In fact, to mislead children, giving other false explanations as to why their parents are not getting along, causes children to be very confused. When they finally discover the truth, it sets an example to children that dishonesty is sometimes acceptable, making them the judge of when that might occur.
An affair is an attack on children as well as the betrayed spouse. And it's true that children are deeply affected by this form of irresponsible behavior. But it's the act of infidelity that causes children to suffer, not the exposure of it. Facts point us toward solutions. Illusion leads us astray. That's true for children as well as adults. Best wishes, Dr. Harley
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,496
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,496 |
Come on mfoss, the kids need to know. You can do this.
BW(me) DDay EA 4/05 DDay PA 6/05 In recovery
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263 |
Come on mfoss, the kids need to know. You can do this. Just waiting for them to come home from school.
_________________________ BH=36(me), WW=36 DDay: Dec 4 2009
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 263 |
_________________________ BH=36(me), WW=36 DDay: Dec 4 2009
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
DETAILS!!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
0 members (),
166
guests, and
43
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
Depression
by ClarencePeterson - 09/22/24 11:19 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,607
Posts2,323,424
Members71,872
|
Most Online3,185 Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|