"Just sayin" tells me it was a joke. I doubt she really was recommending he go on her wife's date w/ om and TAKE A GUN??! The urban vinacular gave it away. DUDE

FP, please get the book. It will help you understand the things we are telling you here. You are flying blind without it.

My Dear Sue,
I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with Greg possible. I foolishly pursued my career without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me most, and we are now both suffering for my mistake.

I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship with Greg once and for all.

Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. I will also not be able to help you financially. Our friends Jane and Paul have agreed to help make arrangements for you to visit the children whenever you would like. But I will not be here when you visit. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will have to be through Jane and Paul.

I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with Greg, and I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing that you are with him. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from Greg and are willing to follow the measures that were suggested to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage someday. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.

I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are seeing Greg.

With my love,
Jon

Good grief! There is nothing wrong with telling someone to leave their gun home. That is good advice!

No one said that or even implied that.

Oh...MY BAD...DUDE

I am not going to get a gun don't worry. The OM#2 is not married and obviously my wife is seperated with intent to date. I do not plan on showing up at their date with the kids, it would look too stalkerish and make me look weak IMHO. I will send her a Plan B letter but I cannot say when you stop dating OM # 2 let's talk. She has a first date this weekend and I am not supposed to know about it and I don't want her to know I know because she will know I have a key logger.

Huh? I just think it would be an awesome way to scare this dude off - nobody starting an affair with a married woman wants to deal with her, if there's going to be drama. He just wants to get in her pants. If he has to jump hoops to do that, he'll go find someone else.

I like the idea of handing her the Plan B letter at the date. And the bag o' clothes.

It's a public place, right? You have just as much right to be there as she does. Pretend you're surprised to see her.

Sing this song to her then, "Don't you wish your OM#2 was HOT LIKE ME??!!" Then see how she reacts? DUDE

oh man, the characters we meet here!

FP, who are you counseling with tonight?

I'm serious. I'd walk up to both of them and laugh my REAR off in their face!!! Then I'd say, HAVE A GOOD LIFE, SEE YA! Then I'd probably flirt w/ the hottest waitress there! DUDE

And you would be wrong in doing so, dude.

As a married man he hasn't any business flirting with any waitress. Not that he will.

I am counseling with Jennifer. I really am using this plan B letter as a means of moving on. I have accepted that it is me she does not want to be with despite her words of "love". She is in the grass is greener, want to try something new so I'm going dark. I am not going to scare the OM #2 off because it would make me look like an insecure douchbag. This truly is my moving on plan. We have been seperated for 6 months. It truly is time for me to move on. She wants something new and this insatiable desire will last for quite some time and I just can't do this anymore.

Actually, I don't think it's a half-bad idea. Show up, kids in tow, calmly introduce yourself ("Hi, I'm Floridapad, WW's husband, and these are our children.) Calmly hand her the letter. Calmly leave. Date hammered.

I suspect the last thing she's going to think is "Ah HA! He got a KEYLOGGER!" Seriously, Florida, you might make her paranoid, but I doubt that she'll zero in on a keylogger. And I absolutely WOULD take the kids. Let OM #2 see the joys that the two of you have brought into this world. With pride. Your joy = his baggage.

Oooh. Sorry, Florida. I thought you wanted to end the A. Good luck moving on.

Hi Floridapad,

I blinked and almost missed the drama.

You pointed out that she has no self esteem. Her attempt to fill her life with someone new demonstrates this immaturity. She needs a confidant who is not male. Does she have any close friends that she can talk to?

Sending one of these to the date would be a far better option.

Regarding your own plans to plan B, this should be fine so long as you realize that there will be NO feedback about her activities. This is a time where YOU recover!

She has a confidant who funny enough, also had an affair. She will know I have a key logger because she found that I had it on the first computer. I do not want to sabotage her "date" other than through giving her the Plan B letter before the date. The Om will eventually understand she has three children all under 13. This is something my STBXW needs to go through (MLC or whatever) and I do not want to be around or try to sabotage her journey by showing up at her date with kids to hand her a letter. I would feel classless and overbearing and IMHO put me in the "jealous" type which quite honeslty would be very unattractive. I am going to give her the letter tomorrow when I pick up the kids. Give her the letter, a hug, a kiss on the cheek and say in a relatively somber tone "goodbye" and walk out with my head held high. No drama. No need for it. It will make me look imature.

Then draft your Plan B letter and let the chips fall. Who are you thinking of for an IM? Have you spoken to an attorney at all?

If you're doing a Plan B, then you will no longer USE the keylogger. You will no longer know what she is doing. So who cares if she knows how you got your intel?

Show up at her date, hand her the letter, and leave.