Your right. My wife is in a cycle of pain avoidance and somehow feels that finding a distraction will help? She is in deep withdrawal pain. She has lost two more pounds and now weighs 123. She is 5"10 and now a size zero. Her sister said she is now looking into psychotherapy. She hates counseling. I will stay black. My plan B letter simply stated that I need to protect my love with the knowledge that you chose to find happiness through other people. I guess basically when she is ready (if she even will) to look to me to fulfill her needs I will go out of plan B. JH suggested I leave his needs her needs with the letter which is what I did. This Plan B is helping ME a bit. Thanks for the support and keeping me honest.

UPDATE -

Things are a roller coaster. A week or two after I sent the plan B letter she dropped the OM#2 and cancelled her match.com subscription. She says she wants to be alone to sort through her feelings and try to find her internal happiness. She also made a big step by going to confession. This is something I have been trying to get her to dow for the last year but gave up. It seems like she is trying to find her "moral compass" again, but is still in a very confused state conflicted). She made some vague commments about her and me getting back together, but NOTHING of substance. I have dropped all talk of reconciliation and keep the conversations light and happy. She initiates the heavy stuff and I just LISTEN. I took her to the beach with the two older kids and had a great time. At the end of the day she said "today was really nice". Ugh. I have to remind myself it means nothing. Still a long way to go and not sure how to deal with these recent steps forward. Since she is still heavily in MLC it seems like some days are good and others, she still needs space.

That's not plan B. I guess you want this limbo to continue.

Jim

What do you mean not Plan B. I sent her a letter cutting off all contact because she chose to go down a path of finding new love with someone else. A week later she cutt off all contact with the short lived BF and cancelled her match.com subscription. She also went to confession which was a big step I wasn't anticipating.

Should I continue hard NC? This is the dilema I am in. When do you go from plan B back to plan A. I will read your story.

Once you go the plan B route, you shouldn't let them back until they meet ALL your conditions toward recovery of the marriage including NC w/ OM, marriage counseling, moving back in, working on the MB program together, shared password and complete transparency, etc. The purpose of plan B is to presevere the love for your spouse as long as possible in addition to showing your WS what life is truly like without you completely. Your WW is still abusing you by not committing to the marriage or recovery. The way she is currently living, OM3 could pop up any time and she knows all she has to do is dump him and you'll come running back.

I hear where you are coming from. I have her PW's without her knowledge so I can track if there is OM#3. She met the initial requirements under plan B (my plan B). I did not put marriage counseling in there because I guess I was being a wussy. She has come along way from where she was but to answer your earlier question. No I don't want to be in limbo.

She is planning a long trip to Italy in the summer with the children and I plan on moving back in the house(unanounced) at that time. Here I am. Not sure how to proceed other than Plan Aing her. Suggestions?