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I know exactly where you are coming from thndrnitng, I also see Pep's reasoning about the dad spinning his addiction to something less than it really is in a private convo with just his wife.
It really is up to you JK, what can you handle doing if you do this by yourself?
I would suggest, either way, take a pic of the websites/adult friend finder (in history form) include the comp and the surroundings in the room to prove that they are actually on that computer.
If the evidence disappears, your Mom has proof that says 'well someone was on these sites'.
As far as JK just leaving the room after spilling this garbage, she could ask her Mom if she wants her to stay or leave. Thank you , this is so helpful. As far as what I can handle goes - I think I could only handle talking with my mom privately. I can't even stand to be in the same room as my dad, let alone confront him with this. Its mortifying and terrifying at once. So now the question is WHEN. Before or after Christmas? Anyone have strong opinions either way?
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My brother would be devastated as well, I suspect. He looks up to my dad very much and is sort of a "mini-him" in many respects. Hopefully not this one!!  He needs to know so that he can protect his children from your father.
M'd 22 years
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[quote=Pepperband][b][font:Comic Sans MS]"Pepperband" is a Beatles reference.[quote]
Oh right the Lonely Heart's Club Band! Duh. lol. Sorry I'm a little slow on the uptake.
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He needs to know so that he can protect his children from your father. My brother only has a son, no daughters - but I guess that doesn't matter
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[quote=Vittoria]So now the question is WHEN. Before or after Christmas? Anyone have strong opinions either way? This is ultimately up to you too. I don't know, before I found out about my H's A, I might have gone with after Christmas. Now in the aftermath, if I would have known that someone knew of my H's A, and waited to tell me, I would be angry. I could understand if they needed time to verify suspicions so as not to falsely accuse, but to know something to be true and look me in the face and not tell me about my life, yes, would P me off. That's me though. As far as safety goes, as Pepper mentioned with kids ..... Christmas involves children ..... tell ASAP.
M'd 22 years
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If I had been going to hit MY parents with something like this together, I would have wanted some serious backup during the big reveal. Her siblings are the most likely ones, if they're willing and supportive. If nothing else, having others will deflect some of the wrath to them so that no one child needs to catch the whole load. tl P.S. I always make PERFECT sense!  P.P.S. Except when I don't. 
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As far as JK just leaving the room after spilling this garbage, she could ask her Mom if she wants her to stay or leave. My idea, be it right or wrong, is that if she tells them together what she has found, it's likely to get ugly so fast she won't have a CHANCE to leave before it blows up. I would expect it to go, "Dad's watching porn" KABOOOOOOOOOM! So she has to be prepared, going into it, to tough out the storm, if she can't escape. tl
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Here is my bet.
Mom and Dad will both be mad at her for speaking the truth. I suspect there is a longstanding family dynamic of secrecy and avoidance.
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The ideal situation would be that she has her siblings with her, I agree with that!
I think it will get ugly too, fast.
It's up to her Mom if she wants the support after she's told though.
This Mom may be stronger than what JK/or us, gives her credit for.
It sounds like she is more comfortable just telling her Mom, alone.
Either way, it's up to her.
I really do understand everything that you are saying thndrnltg.
Remember too, JK has been through infidelity herself, she may be well equipped to handle what ever is thrown at her.
She knows herself what situation she can be put in.
I don't think I'm in your age group, so maybe this is where the POV differs.....lol
M'd 22 years
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I guess that would somewhat depend on whether mom's innocence is real or assumed. Is it a facade, or does it go to the bone? A genuinely-innocent (that would be naive, not not guilty) wife would be shocked, even at 60, I think.
Not every woman our age has lived lives like we have, Pep, with decades of exposure to humanity in its most ungilded form. But I agree that if they've got this secrecy dynamic going, neither of them will be grateful that someone has rocked the boat. Still needs to be done, though.
tl
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To be honest, there was some stuff when I was growing up that didn't feel "right" but I always kinda put it out of my mind... I don't think it was abuse, but definitely too mcuh focus on the way I looked, etc. Longstanding secrecy ....... for sure, and I'm thinking too that the Mom won't be as surprised as JK thinks.
M'd 22 years
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Not every woman our age has lived lives like we have, Pep, with decades of exposure to humanity in its most ungilded form. It's been educational at times  , hasn't it ! 
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That's certainly one way of putting it! I suspect we could trade some very interesting stories.
tl
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Well, you two are the elders ........ I leave it to you both and will absorb the wisdom in your words with nothing less than grace and deep appreciation. 
M'd 22 years
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OK, let's not go overboard here!  Advancing age IMPLIES a certain increase in wisdom, but it's certainly no doggone guarantee.  tl
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No guarantees of wisdom you're right .....but old RN's do have good ole common sense!  now don't go forgetin' that nightly MOM/thick brown stuff that I can't remember the name of ... combo, you want tomorrow to be a good day!
M'd 22 years
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Don't meddle.
Adultfriendfinder ads pop up whenever you browse porn sites. They can also figure out what town you are in. Viewing the history does not mean your 60 year-old-dad was really looking for a hook-up on that site in his local area.
Not that this is a good situation, but seriously. Stay out of it. Maybe talk to your dad if you are going to do anything.
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Also, if you look at any porn at all it is going to have the words 'teen' all over it. It is not pedophilia. Most porn stars are 18-24.
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Adultfriendfinder ads pop up whenever you browse porn sites. Interesting. I would not have known that. Thank you for sharing your experience. Meddle. Ultimately, JK, this is going to be your call. You have multiple voices saying "Tell" and the lone (so far) voice of dissent saying "Don't." Well, technically two voices if you count your sister But none of us are actually going to choose for you what to do. You're the one who found the evidence. You're the one with the burden to warn your mom. You decide. Nobody else. tl
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Adultfriendfinder ads pop up whenever you browse porn sites. Interesting. I would not have known that. Thank you for sharing your experience. Meddle. Ultimately, JK, this is going to be your call. You have multiple voices saying "Tell" and the lone (so far) voice of dissent saying "Don't." Well, technically two voices if you count your sister But none of us are actually going to choose for you what to do. You're the one who found the evidence. You're the one with the burden to warn your mom. You decide. Nobody else. tl I cannot imagine my child having such knowledge and not warning me. Ugh. I hope you tell JK. It is the right thing to do. Regardless of the consequences to you from either of them. It is the right thing to do. She probably has a clue....and maybe knowing that YOU now know will give her the courage she needs to take a stand for herself.
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