Can you elaberate on these?

TR: My H insists he doesn't need more sleep, but I honestly don't see how he gets by on so little. I do let him sleep in late on the weekends, so he catches up some there, and sometimes he will take a nap when he gets home from work. But we do stay up too late I'm afraid. We have a pretty tiny house and our teens don't like to go to bed too early and the baby is in a bad habit and stays up until 10 or so. We need to work on getting into bed earlier.

Gack: I don't want to get too graphic, but my first birth was quite traumatic. I was very young (18) and very tiny (size 1) and the baby's heart rate dropped dramatically while I was in labor. My doctor wanted to perform a C-section, but the maternity ward only had one OR and they were delivering twins in there when my son went into distress. My doctor didn't feel like we could wait, so he delivered the baby with the vacuum and forceps, even though he was much too big and I was much too small. I ended up with a massive episiotomy and very bad tearing. I healed eventually, but a few years later, this led to some long term problems. I now have a rectocele, cystocele, and prolapsed uterus. You can look them up, if you'd like, but basically, all my pelvic floor muscles are shot and nothing is where it's supposed to be. There's a surgery to correct the problems, but often, it leads to even more sexual issues, so I'm not in too big of a hurry to go the route. Eventually, I will have no choice, as my condition has gotten worse as I've aged and will continue to do so.

My H has had some issues with ED. One of them (premature-E) has been ongoing throughout our M. The other (impotence) has become more of a problem over the past several years, and isn't all the time, but it does happen. He's gone to the doctor and had tests done and tried a few different medications, but we haven't been able to pinpoint a cause and the medications don't really help all that much.

Sorry if this is TMI.

Ok, how does this affect SF for you?

Has he tried the blue "V" ?

Does BH do aerobic exercise such as running?

Got to have good circulation to pump enough blood to inflate BH's toy.

My problems often make SF uncomfortable or even painful at times.

Yes, my H has tried quite a few of those pills. Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra. They help somewhat with the impotence problem, but don't do much of anything for the other problem.

I have long suspected that my A began mostly from a desire to have SF that lasted more than a minute. Our MC thought it had more to do with my H's EA. I now think it was a combination of the two. When I began my A, it really was only a PA in my mind, but being a girl and all, I went and got emotionally attached. I didn't feel "in love" with the OM when my A began at all. I just wanted SF, pure and simple. The emotional stuff followed. This probably makes me a bit unusual as far as WW's go, but that's how it happened.

I'm not proud of the person I was back then. It makes me feel sleazy just talking about this now. If I had stopped for just one minute and considered the ramifications of what I was doing.... But I didn't. I gave in to my selfish desires, and so many people have paid a heavy price because of that.

My H and I have problems. My A certainly didn't solve them. It just gave us more problems, much worse than the ones we were dealing with in the first place.

Gack:

I believe that the affair is having a significant effect on your wife, but I would not discount the effects of birth on the anatomy, as writer describes. (A minority of births, of course; most women recover very well, although we never believe that we will, after what we deliver!)

The problem is compounded by the fact that we do not want to describe these problems to our Hs, so we hope they will get better with exercise and time, and meanwhile try to avoid penetration (which means avoiding any affection, for many). We believe that TMI will kill any attraction our H has to us, forever, so we do not talk to them about it.

The problems do not have to be as serious as writer's (whose are very serious indeed). Both my deliveries were quick and easy, yet the second one left me with a lack of confidence. I have dramatically improved the tone of the area with tough exercise, namely running, but if there are the beginnings of problems like writer describes, then no degree of exercise is going to cure them. I can see how a woman would not want to get intimate with those problems, which will be obvious to her H the moment he goes near the area.

Well, you did ask!

These two statments make no sense when used by the same person.

Infact, the first should negate the second, or the second causes doubt about the validity of the first. Either way, they should be mutually exclusive.


Really?

I would think Viagra would completly negate E.D. and make P.E. unimportant.
(Just keep on going after the P.E.)

In answer to your first statement, my condition was present before I had my last baby, but I didn't really have any symptoms. When I had my OC in Sept. 08, I had a 3rd degree tear - not as bad as my first delivery, but still pretty bad. The pain and discomfort have only been present since then.

As far as the meds, they don't work quite the way they are advertised, at least not in our case. My H can't keep going after he experiences P.E. He loses his erection, just like most men would who weren't taking the drugs.

Forgive me, but...........

Sounds like another "Happy" side affect of your affair!


I know that sounds a bit sarcastic and mean, but from a BS's point of view..
A little discomfort is a small price to pay to help alleviate the pain of a BS.


Huh, that sucks.
Have you tried a higher dose?

Well, Gack, I'm very fortunate that my H has more regard for my physical well-being than that. You see, he cares about all of our relationship, not just the SF, and that kind of attitude would not be very beneficial to the overall well-being of our M. SF really is a very small part of a relationship.

We aren't currently using any medications because we can't afford them. Even with our insurance, it was more than $10 a pill. That's a little steep for us right now.

From a mans point of view...

I respectfully, and whole heartedly disagree.

Allmost all men rate SF as there #1 emotional need.

Wow!!!
That is steep, but it would be well worth the money for most men.

In fact, my H has filled out the EN questionnaire and it is not his #1 EN. I think it was around #4 or #5, but I would have to go back and make sure on that one.

When you're struggling to pay the bills, $80 for a bottle of 6 little pills just doesn't make sense, especially when your life doesn't depend on them.

"I have long suspected that my A began mostly from a desire to have SF that lasted more than a minute. Our MC thought it had more to do with my H's EA. I now think it was a combination of the two. When I began my A, it really was only a PA in my mind, but being a girl and all, I went and got emotionally attached. I didn't feel "in love" with the OM when my A began at all. I just wanted SF, pure and simple. The emotional stuff followed."

There are techniques and therapists that can help with PE. You and H should look into it.

You were not the only WW that started an A because of just wanting extra SF. Thank you for being honest and sharing.

Being the affair resulted with an OC was protection ever used?

My guess when it was just SF you used protection, when emotions kicked in for OM protection was stopped.

Did OM push you to not use protection?

In short how did the protection issue unfold?

We used protection sporadically at best. Actually, since my H had a vasectomy many years ago, protection wasn't something I ever thought about much. OM was diagnosed with a low sperm count, and he and his W had trouble conceiving their two daughters, so I didn't worry about it much at first.

More honesty now. As the A progressed and I found myself more and more torn between my H and OM, I really wanted something, anything, to happen that would push me off the pendulum. In the last month of my A, I told my H definitively that I wanted a D and told OM that I wanted to be with him. Then, on my wedding anniversary, my H and I spent the day together and I started having doubts again. I thought I wanted to work on my M. But, I was due to go back to Vermont for my next residency in a matter of days and OM and I already had plans to stay together off-campus in a hotel. After all, my M was "over," or so I had thought when I made the plans. But then, suddenly, my M wasn't so "over" and I realized I still had feelings for my H. I was so confused. I should never have gone to the residency, but I did go, and it rekindled my feelings for the OM. Our PA started again after a few days together, and then I didn't use protection on purpose. I was hoping to get pregnant, because I was "in love" with the OM again and I wanted something that would push me to make a decision and finally have the courage to leave my H. Problem was, those feelings for OM that caused me to act so recklessly while I was in Vermont disappeared almost as soon as I returned home, and my feelings for my H grew even stronger. But it was too late. The damage had already been done. I held my breath for a few weeks, hoping I would get lucky and I wouldn't be pregnant, but my period never came and I finally took a test and it was positive. By then, I had already told the OM that I intended to stay and work on my M.

So, there's the awful truth. In my foggy, confused state, I got pregnant on purpose. It's horrible, I know.

Wow, W1 thank you for your honesty. How long did it take for you to tell your H you got pg on purpose? He must be one heck of a guy!

Faith: It took me a long time to realize it myself. It wasn't a conscious thing, and I didn't totally realize that's what I was doing at the time. Of course, I knew I was having unprotected sex with OM, but I didn't realize I was doing it with the hope that I would get pregnant. It took me a long time to come to terms with that. So, my H found out about it as I figured it out, which took awhile.

And yes, he's a heck of a guy.

Also thanks for being open.

Did the OM ever balk at using protection?

Did OM encourage you to not use protection?

In other words how did the OM handle the protection issue?

x2

x2

But you did understand that there was a high likleyhood of this, correct?

Just FYI, everyone,

I asked writer some of these questions on her own thread on this forum, since this discussion now is about her and not Gack, and this is Gack's thread. You might care to look in over there.

I don't mind, either way is good with me.