abch, you are right, it doesn't prove that this man was looking for a hook-up.

It is highly unlikely though, given his addiction based on what JK wrote in her first post.

"Typically there are 50-100 sites visited/day. I also found a receipt for a paid membership into one of these "clubs"
which I guess enables you to get stuff sent directly to your e-mail address."

This does warrant a wife knowing the sexual history of her husband.

Meddle, by all means. Once your mom has the info, she decides what to do with it. To follow the "don't meddle" advice robs your mom of the power to make her own decisions, good or bad, and sets you up as the gatekeeper over her life. Not your place.

For your own sake, you need to tell what you found, and show the proof, which you will have already secured a hard copy of somewhere off the premises.

Do you have a friend that could go with you, if not your siblings? Several friends?

I can't improve on the recommendations you've already been given for what to say, so I'm just going to add in a very fervent vote. Tell.

Protecting children from even a faint possible risk is more important than a comfortable Christmas. You'll have to find out if there will be any children around during Christmas; it sounds like there might be. And given your own feelings of discomfort, I think the risk is more than faint. I give more credence to that than just the "teen" sites with no further proof of attraction to minors.

There are a bunch of teen sites that mean 18 or 19 year olds, still horrible and skanky but not pedophilia. I know this because AJ and I used to get tons and tons of spam. (Coincidentally, just after the OW became a woman scorned. Hmmm.) I finally created a rule that any email containing the "f" word got sent straight to my trash. And than I started missing quite a few emails from my mom and sister.

Anyhoo...

You explain that RIGHT now, young lady! You just wait till your sister reads what you wrote about her. She's blushing in advance, not even knowing what's coming...

tl

Heh heh.

Neaksis' oldest son, as he tries to avoid working on his biofamily issues, has a rather foul mouth. She (or Mom) regularly sends me a perfectly fascinating blog...that kept ending up in the trash.

Wow Neak now that was a save!!!

My mum was going to say something here and may however I will as well - PORN.
Seen it and had it around since my teens being a army brat and lived and now married to a professional soldier, I can tell you its everywhere. Gross most of it the rest - uninteresting if you ask me.

If someone must look at legal porn, its like everything else, too much and in the wrong circumstances its not good for you. Addictions of any sort are not healthy.

If your dad is looking at legal sites, which I assumed due to a paid membership to a online club, then like everyone else your mum should be told of your discovery.

If it was me I'd approach it like 'mum I was playing around on the pc and found etc and then give ALL you found to her"
Your mum will have the info and then SHE can decide what to do with it.

I am another voice that says to tell your parents together. If your siblings are close and are willing to back you up- don't be surprised if they "pass" --have them present.

Your mom has a right to know. Let them work out their resolution alone. Privacy please. You are living with them. Do you think you can weather the storm?

AWD

ITA with everything you said - the mom just can't make the decision whether to do something, or nothing, if she doesn't know.

Hi all, I just wanted to say thank you again for all of the advice. I am actually going to see a counselor on Monday who is experienced in these kinds of interventions to see how best to plan it. After all, "hope is not a plan." I'd rather be prepared for any eventuality (including the possibility that I might be asked to leave). I am emotionally prepared for that, but I just have to have a place to go. Depending on what the counselor says, I will likely get my siblings on board too so I don't have to go it alone.

So please pray for me, for clarity and stringth and wisdom to handle this the best possible way. I believe I became privy to this information for a reason - maybe it's because I have the cajones to expose and face down this beast, too (in addition to the infidelity I experienced in my own life).

I'll be back and keep anyon who's interested in the loop.

Cheers,
JK

Thanks for the update. I've been wondering how you were doing.

tl

I wanted to mention...

Be careful that the finger doesn't get pointed back at you. Wayward thinking persons (your father) have a knack for building huge walls of denial and one method of deflections/misdirection is to ATTEMPT to blame someone else. He COULD try to say you planted the porn stuff on his computer and he wasn't doing any such thing.

Pretty easy to overcome...and the fact you are a woman and not a man makes it seemingly less likely you'd be looking at "teen" girls on the internet plus the time stamps should make it obvious, but it's better to be prepared.

Nearly every wayward out there attempts to say: "Well I knew you were reading those emails between me and [the affair partner} so we said all that stuff to mess with you...it never really happened, she/he is just a friend"

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Mr. Wondering

Me too.
Good luck tomorrow at the appt.
Let us know what how that goes.


tl ... I thought of that thick brown liquid that is in that MOM cocktail, it's cascara! lol

At the nursing home, when I was a young nurse and Neak was a baby, we called them "black-and-whites". I have no idea what they're called now, but I do remember that some of the little old ladies were absolute ADDICTED to their daily dose.

tl

The result would have been one of their highlights of the day, that and gettin' the good spot in front of the window. Sad .....

I worked in a nsg. care type facility when I was in highschool and college.
I absolutely adored those older folks.
Hilarious was an understatement, sweet was a commoner and fascinating was a given.

Good luck tomorrow, JK. We'll quit talking about old ladies and laxatives as soon as you come back.

tl

Is that a threat or a promise?

so emenas and poositories are off limits too then .......

Well, if they do, that'll larn 'em.

tl

Augh! Can someone please come scoop out my brain cells that contain the definition for that term now, please?

Any other medical terms you'd like us to suggest to you, for research purposes?

tl