Sometimes apologies never happen, even in recovery. I think that pride prevent people from doing this.

There are a few folk that have cheated, experienced the same cheating and apologized to their previous partner. They did not want to recover the relationship when they apologized.

I want to assure you that it is their problem. You need to feel confident in yourself. Do not weigh yourself in your wife's estimation of you. She is vastly unstable at this time.

All of us exBS's feel the same at times, Rod. Heck yes I would love it if WXH came crawling back on his knees with an apology - not an apology for getting caught but an apology for what he did. As in, true remorse. It would be even better if he wanted me back so I could say "no". But try not to dwell on it because it doesn't often happen. I do know of one instance where the WW called her exBh up years later. The sister of a friend of mine left her BH and her DS for an OM. She said and did everything straight out of the wayward script. Whether the BH tried to get her back or not, I don't know (I was just a friend of her sister so not involved in any way). In any event, about 10 years later, she caught her OM cheating on her with someone else (surprise, surprise). She was so devastated by it, and for the first time actually realized what she had done to her exBH. She actually did call her BH to apologize, but by then he had remarried, was happy with more kids (their DS had grown up by then)and really and truly wanted nothing to do with her. She ended up on antidepressants, in therapy and gawd knows what else. As far as I know, she's still a mess and this happened at least 5 years ago.

Will it happen for us? Don't count on it. But know that there will be a point of reckoning some time or another with these waywards. We likely won't see it or be aware that it happened, and when it does, we will be beyond caring about it anyway.

I would like some emotoinal payback but moreso i would like some to come to our kids .I cant expect to fix my WW's problem but, without some give on her part she will never have a realtionship with her children again. I cant believe that isnt important to her even in her me me me me me me me me me mode. go away and leave me alone but please please please make it right with our kids.That is my wish .That is what I pray for each night!

If wishes were horses...

Refer to my last post. A consequence of rebuilding the family may cause your WW to have regret. (How easily these people can live without me. Can I be worth so little?)

Do not have your family focus on your wife. Look to your dreams!

One year ago today the woman I had given my soul to moved out . Today I live in "my" home with our 14 year old son and ever 4 days with our 7 year son . My 7 year old is angry and confused .My 14 year old is in a state of denial and hasnt had anything to do with his mother for 10 months .My step children 23 and 25 call me regularly and want nothing to do with their mother. Her brother talks to me periodically and has little to do with her . She moves into her new house with the man she now "loves" today . Why oh why do I feel so [censored]? I have come along way but still I cant smile and truly mean it . When will I find that missing piece of my soul that appears to be lost .This piece is not to be replced by a person but needs to be found and placed back where it rightfully belongs. I know I will climb out of this [censored] but as of right now I'm stuck in the abyss. Not looking for a "get off the pity train kick" just wanting to rant.

{{{rod}}} It will get better with time...if you let it.

What can you plan for you and your boys this week? Start some new Christmas traditions? Put lights on your house that they design?

It will get better, Rod. It will. Today is just a day. Hang in there, get through it and hold on until tomorrow. We are here rooting for you.

Today the boys and I set up the Chritmas tree .It was no joyous event .The boys never stopped bickering .I dont know if they undertand how hard this is or if they are at each other because they know how hard this is. I need to keep Christmas alive for them but I really just want to go to sleep for a month.

Yep. Sometimes it can be. I get unrealistic dreams about his future Christmas presents, and he doesn't believe in father Christmas.

The change in decor is always good. Change is as good as a holiday.

I have now decorated the house and the front lawn for Christmas. I will enjoy this season despite my internal mood. I plan on having my kids ,my step kids(the WW's kids) ,the WW's brother and family and the WW's parents over after Christmas for dinner. I have to make lemonade or forever be swimming in lemon juice for the rest of my life.

Forget mood. This is about the present. You have been blessed that you can have this celebration.

Counting blessings does not necessarily include disappointments. But these too can be a blessing. Learn from them.

The other night my young son had a crying bout at bed time .When asked he told me he was crying because he was sad about what had happened .He told me he didnt like the OM, he was bossy and he didnt like being around him . Not knowing what to say I told him " We are all in a situation that we dont necessarily like but we all have to make the best of it .You need your mother ,you love your mother so when you are with her try and make the best of your time there including the OM. I think he got what I was saying.

I think that he needs your support. Give him a cell phone to contact you when things get tough.

Teach him to tape conversations and advise mom that he is doing this as protection against OM. Log as much evidence as you can. I don't know how your legal system works but from your description OM sounds like a bully.

My WW has relented and decided to spend Christmas eve minus the OM at her (affair supportive) sisters house .My step daughter (her daughter) and my older son have agreed to reluctantly attend .My step son (her son) still refuses to take part . This is the first time since January that my almost whole family will spend time together .I will be alone Xmas eve until about 10 pm when my WW will back my two sons .I have extended an invitaion to anyone from my support group that find themselves alone on Xmas eve .Things are good . I am also planning to have a dinner on the 27th including the WW's parents , her brothers family ,my step kids and my sons . Who needs her .Good bye and good riddance . I was blessed the day we met as this created what I now call FAMILY . Her desicions as of late just solidify that word . I am blessed to ahve them all .I pray she can find a way to regain what she has lost for the sake of the people she has betrayed.

It sounds like YOU are the one with the better result, not her. You are the one who kept the family, lol. Her loss. The kids are lucky to have you.

Yes ,she has lost soooooo much . I have my older son all the time as he refuses to see her or talk to her .My younger son is with me for 4 days every 4 days and talks openly with me about his feelings and pain.He shows her very little true emotion both good and bad. My step daughter and son (her children)want little to do with her .Her younger brother and family talk with me periodically but wants little to do with her . Her mother tells me that she is uncomfortable around the OM and doesnt agree with waht her daughter has done .The WW's best friend wishes to never speak to her again and calls me to see how I am doing . What a mess she created for herself.I pray that somehow some way she find peace with all these people she has wronged but first and foremost that she find peace with herself.

I am glad you have so much support. Not many BS get the support you get. What a pity you are in Canada!

I do not like Canadian divorce law.

I am absolutely blessed to have the support I have .I havent even mentioned the 40 or so people in my support group with whom I am in contact repeatedly. As to our court system I know I ahve no support there. There appears to be no reaction to the act of adultery .The Canadian courts dont care about the marriage breakdown details. That sucks!

I didn't realize you were in Canada. Yes, our divorce laws (or lack thereof) suck. The only advantage is that you can write your own agreements and if you act quickly you can get a good settlement - both financially and with regards to custody and visitation. However, most BS's are so floored by the discovery of their WS's affair that they are incapable of doing this effectively. Honestly, what saved me was that the OWH had his d-day 2 weeks ahead of me and, given that it was the second affair he had caught her in, had already prepared his separation agreement. I used his and just substituted mine and WXH's names for his and OW's.

First and foremost I would like to wish all on this site a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year . I would like to thank the administrators for a venue to vent my sometimes bent and mishapen emotions . Without this site and many other venues I would not be sane at this time. God Bless You All.

Happiness isnt defined by having everything you want but by wanting everything you have .