Still no quote, Zelmo.

Folks, this is edging dangerously close to personal attacks and TOS violations. Can I suggest that we get back on track? I posted the original topic as a opinion piece, possibly to help other BS in my position to consider what they might be dealing with.

Thank you, and :MerryChristmas:

Fred,

While I completely understand the desire to learn about different mental issue's, not to mention the fascinating things surrounding all of that (and it is interesting....BTDT), it would behoove you if you allow it to side-track you from the ULTIMATE goal, which is personal healing......

not2fun

Fred, in general, I find these folks very respectful. Debate is good and we seem to be able to, for the most part, not make things personal.

Good advice and quite easily done, IMO. These concepts, figuring out who you were dealing with and working on one's own issues, particularly the "picker" issue, are intertwined and go well together, IMO. They are not mutually exclusive.

Zelmo, I have no problem with debate, but I thought this topic was about AsPD and sociopathy, not about MB success rates.

The problem is not the "picker".....I can think of a MILLION reasons why H and I should not have married....if the problem was only because of one's "picker", than chances are very high, everyone's "picker" is broken....

Take my Aunt for example....she has been married 7 times...(yes, you are reading that right....SEVEN)....who's "picker" is broken, her or her former H's???.....I can tell you right now, she would say her's is broken, but so would her H's.....

which came first ....the chicken or the egg???....

[So, then , apparently, I found an April 2008 article from Dr Harley, where he said that Plan B increases the chances of divorce(ostensibly as compared to Plan A).
With this info, it is pretty easy to come up with a less than 30% success rate:15% max for Plan A and, presuming that Plan B increases the chances of divorce >15% for paln B. This >30% chance total.

He goes on to say that Plan B is successful even less than plan A.

In other words you can't produce a statement where he says:



Your paraphrase above says no such thing. I would like to see where he says that "Plan B is successful even less than plan A" because I am pretty sure that is just your interpretation based on a misunderstanding of the facts.

Zelmo, I have no problem with debate, but I thought this topic was about AsPD and sociopathy, not about MB success rates.

Not necessarily, Mel. As I mentioned, I am looking for the article I ctied back in 12-08. Seems you are hung up on my inability to producer this in short order. But, my computer research skills are fairly slow moving.
When I have to brief a case, it takes time, as well. I think it is premature to say that the quote cannot be produced.

she has been married 7 times

Let's ask Dr Harley himself!

Well, so far no luck. But, I will try again. I googled for the 4-08 article. I seem to recall it was an interview, but am not sure and it was not on MB site, itself.
I would imagine that Dr Harley would know who interviewed him in 4-08.
If you look at the posts from back then, you will see that no one questioned the existence of the April article. I know that is not dispositive of anything. I'll keep trying.

I know each one of you think YOUR affair was unique. But, Owl has been providing you some of the reasons you think that. However, there is data that suggests that the OM/OW are NOT "all that." The points out that the success rate of marriage from an Affair is about 3% perhaps 5% depending on what base line you use to calculate the percentage.

After the sociopath, you're left holding the bag. What's in the bag? Emotional devastation�everything you believed was a lie. Anger�at the sociopath and at yourself for being duped. Financial ruin�you have no money and staggering debts. Children�which the sociopath has either abandoned or demands. Health problems�from sexually transmitted diseases to post traumatic stress syndrome.

The sociopath, in the meantime, has moved on, and couldn't care less. It's called "devalue and discard," and it crushes your sense of self.

Overcoming the trauma

So how do you recover?

First of all, understand that you're not a fool, you were targeted. Sociopaths are expert manipulators. They spend their whole lives perfecting their acts. There are millions of sociopaths on the planet, and each has conned hundreds of people. You are certainly not alone.

Secondly, get help�the right help. Do not expect your family and friends to understand. No one really understands unless they, too, have been targeted. If you see a therapist, make sure he or she knows what it's like to be involved with a sociopath. Some therapists are excellent, but others really do not understand the trauma suffered by victims of sociopaths.

Finally, give yourself time and distance. The fastest way to heal is to have No Contact with the sociopath. Away from the predator's influence, the reality of the deceptions will become clear. Even so, you will have to do a lot of emotional processing and grieving. Be patient with yourself. For more information, read Survival and Coping Skills on MSN Psychopath.

Yes, they exist

For any normal, warm-hearted person, it's difficult to believe that sociopaths actually exist. How can a person be so cruel? So empty? So evil?

Furthermore, the predator appears to be normal. He or she is living in your community, working at your company, or going to your church. It's enough to make you lose your faith in humanity. In fact, many victims say they will never trust again.

Yes, they exist�at 1% to 4% of the population, there are millions of sociopaths out there. But remember, that still leaves more than 90% of the population who aren't sociopaths.

There is still good in the world. It is possible to recover, love and trust, if you give yourself permission and time to heal.