OK, I can do that. I've not done the best plan A, but I can do plan B. We have actually just separated - she left the house without the children. Never thought I'd see that.

I do not have the book, but I've been reading enough to understand what is required of me. I need to:

1. Get an intermediary - someone who understands the plans and who is willing and able to be impartial but to filter all communication.
2. Talk to an attorney. Need to figure out custody and support.
3. Write the letter - give it to her.
4. Go Dark - very dark.

I'm looking forward to a plan B. I'm just not sure I haven't waited too long. I've allowed her to seriously overdraw from her account.

Thank you ML.

Zim, you have the right idea! Please contact an attorney and get custody of the children [abandonment] and possession of your home. Order the book Surviving an Affair [they sell it cheap here] and then we can help you go into Plan B.

How old are your kids? Where did your wife go?

My kids are DS: 7 ( and a half - he'd be upset if I left that out ) and DD: 6.

She is renting an apartment across town. She is unemployed, so I'm financing the thing. We've agreed to every-other-week custody for now, and since she's not working, I've agreed to let her have the children during the day while I'm working.

I just ordered the book.

I read Love Busters and found it very helpful, but probably would have been better served with this title.

Zim,

Cut off funding, the OM should be giving his fair share, or is he unemployed too?

God Bless
Gamma

I am so sorry for your kids, Zim.

The first thing I would do is cut off the money ASAP. Your family money should not go to finance her adultery and abandonment of your children. It is very important to NOT enable her adultery because that hurts your chances of reconciliation.

As far as custody, I would go for primary custody. Your kids should not be dragged around to accommodate her adultery. You can also ask your lawyer to specify in the papers that the kids never be exposed to her adultery partner. Most especially your daughter!

Not exactly sure I can do that. I'm in Michigan, and there is no concept of legal separation here.

I will of course discuss all of this with the attorney. My concern is for the kids. I can't cut off all funding unless I am somehow able to gain full custody. I won't be the cause of their suffering.

Since she's been out, I know the kids have been exposed to him at least twice already. Maybe more.

But according to her, he's out of the picture. Waywards.

Well, unless you have a court order, you shouldn't be paying her anything.


I wouldn't allow them to suffer. You can take care of them. You shouldn't give her any money.


I would protect your kids from this. This is how little girls end up molested.

After you go and see the attorney...

Then...

cut off funding saying your attorney advised you to do such.

Also...renege on your every other week verbal agreement as though you never made it (it's not in writing...right?)

Instead, make arrangements for the day time (like a day camp until school resumes) and just flat out tell her you think every other weekend and Wednesday evenings will work out for the best.

In the alternative, act like your every other week thing was just an agreement "temporarily" until either school started or you made other arrangements. It wasn't meant to be a permanent agreement as that would be silly....the kids aren't going to be tracked across town every other week indefinitely. Thus, once you've made arrangements...(and make them soon here) for daytime care...you are NOW switching the temporary custody to xyz (whatever you can get away with requesting and getting her wayward moving out butt to agree to).

After that you are going to create a papertrail of her violating the new agreed to schedule (which she'll violate because she won't like taking unilateral orders from you one bit). You'll be creating a documented trail of her disrupting the kids lives and thinking of no one but herself. You'll be able to use this if and when things ever get to court.

As a Michigan attorney myself...one thing I think is very likely you'll hear from your attorney here is that you need to insure that you are the one to file first in our state. Petitioners always get to go first here and present their side of the story first. By the time the respondent speaks the judge has typically already made up their mind about the case. I'm not recommending myself that you file immediately...listen to your attorney about that...just realize that there is often a race to the courthouse steps involved in these situations and when custody is at stake...you may need to file just to protect/establish your rights. You CAN still Plan B and be willing to reconcile DURING a divorce proceeding (though typically a filing for divorce results in getting divorced...not always, but typically).

Good luck,

Mr. Wondering