Hey HH and JT!!!

Thanks for the vote of confidence. Every new day brings a little more peace for me. Recovery has been slow, but I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel now. My network of wonderful friends on MB and in my daily life has gotten me through.

And JT, I do plan on coming out that way. Actually, there is a seminar in Seattle in March that I would like to attend if I can afford it. It is being held at the W Hotel. I'm looking into it. Will keep you posted.

Chai,

Am thinking good thoughts and sending prayers your way about the recruiter call this morning! Who knows, maybe you'll get a second chance to make that first impression??!!

You sound very good! Keep up the great attitude! I know for me, even if I somewhat 'fake it til I make it' in the attitude department on some days, it helps so much!

One of the best signs I see that you are doing SO well is that you are looking to and planning for YOUR FUTURE! First this past holiday trip and now a potential seminar in the PNW! Outstanding!

Hey Bugs,

Glad to see you are still around!!!

REJECTION!! Got another rejection this morning. UGH

I think I knew it was coming though because the interview was such a bust.

Oh well, I just have to keep plugging away. I have to look at it as another opportunity to practice.


Looks like DD is living in a shelter. I hate to think of it, but I just can't help her anymore.

Just spoke to the BF's dad and he is so, so disappointed. Said that the BF has gone through his entire $1800 savings in the last week and has sold his playstation, phone, etc as well. Man, they go down fast.

Chaibaby's bday is Monday, so we are going to have a little party for him Sunday. I guess it will just be the 3 grandparents at his party. Breaks my heart.

But, in spite of it all, I am keeping to my Plan ME for the new year. Yes, I'm all about ME.

((Chai, Chaibaby))
prayers for DD.
for xWH: *shrug*

Yeah, I am not sure what path he is on but it ain't a good one.

He is now very ill, in a relationship with someone who gambles and can't manage money, and on top of that, I doubt that she will ever believe or trust him since he carried on the year long lie about being divorced when they lived together. Sure sounds like a solid foundation doesn't it?

Will be interesting to see where the next year takes us....

OUTSTANDING PLAN!!

In fact, that's the same plan that *I* have for this year!! Great minds think alike!

And when that guilty feeling creeps in, remind yourself that it is A OK to have it be about you.

Sorry we missed each other. It was my move in weekend and I was BUSHED!!! You being sick and me being exhausted would not have made a very lively meeting! Hopefully, we will get another chance at it.

Today the other grandparents and I had a birthday party for chaibaby. Neither his mom nor his dad were allowed to come. They are only allowed to visit him through the agency now. So sad.

Anyway, he loved his balloons, and when we sang to him he clapped his little hands. Broke my heart. I so worry about what his future will be.

It's a shame that his other grandpa (XWH) chose to be with another man's family instead of his own and therefore was not at his first birthday party. I hate that man. More and more every day as a matter of fact. And I have totally lost any respect that I once had for him.

And BTW, he is still in the hospital and OW refused to tell DD where he is. She wants control of everything. Go figure.

Happy Birthday to little ChaiBaby. And remember -- You are where you are suppose to be. With that little guy on his first birthday.

And those not there -- they are NOT where they should be. And WXH is in the hospital because he CHOSE to be where he wasn't suppose to be. They reap what they sow.

I hope you got lots of pictures of the birthday boy. You probably are already doing this -- but put together TWO albums of photos of his life. One for you so you will always remember the bond you share with him. And one for him -- when he grows up. Because you never really know where he'll end up.

I pray that you will be there for each of his birthdays. Because that is where you should be... enjoying each of his birthdays with him.

That was beautiful Holy... And such wisdom.

Oy Vey

Chai-Baby! What wonderful fun those first birthday parties are!

I've been debating on if I should share my thoughts about this


Well, here goes. When I read it this, it occurred to me that for all of this time, despite all of the despicable things WXH has done to YOU, you were never quite able to muster these types of feelings. It was VERY similiar to how I dealt with/felt about Drac.

No matter what horrific pain he would inflict on ME, it never was enough for me to rally my own personal defense. Yet, when it came to him inflicting pain on others - specifically the KIDS, my feelings changed. I was able to SEE more of the reality and truth about him. The "Mama Bear" had to be awakened for me to see the light.

It looks to be very much the same with you, Chai. We could endure so much personal attack & pain, and yet hold on to some small seed of love for them. But when faced with seeing pain/bad choices that effect others (ChaiBaby), the switch has flipped.

Does that make sense to you or am I totally off base here?

While sorry for the overall negative situation caused by his actions, I am pleased (for your sake) that you are seeing the light in terms of WXH. He deserves no pity from you. He has knowingly made his choices and will be the one that has to live with them.

Enjoy your time with ChaiBaby. The future will be the future. Just having you involved in his life will make a difference which no one can truly measure.

Have a great week, Chai.

Yes, that is so true Bugsmom....My WH had my sweet little DS crying the other day because he was too "busy" to see him....I thought to myself that I dont know if i will ever be able to forgive him for all he has put my DS through...I have just lost so much respect that I had for him and everytime he hurts DS I lose more and more...

I can probably forgive WH for what he did to me, but what he did and is doing to my DS is what is chipping away at my love that is left for WH....

Enjoy Chaibaby, Chai and you can alway know in your heart that you did all you could for your whole family...

Chai, I feel so bad for your situation and hope there is a positive turn soon.
The uncertain future for Chaibaby is regrettable, but know you're doing the most you can. Would it help chaibaby if you ended up in the hospital, too? NO! Take care of YOU for a change.
PS
I continue to hope your DD has some kind of breakthrough, although I know this often enver happens. If Chaibaby wasn't enough, a chaibaby two isn't either.
((Chai))

It's good to see that CPS is doing its job. It's unfortunate that DD can't see Chaibaby, but she dug THAT hole.

I'm just glad Chaibaby turned out okay...

My mother didn't care for herself, and my brother ended up with a trach. I fear this for Chaibaby2 as well...or something terrible.

I'm not religious, but I'll pray for the poor little baby anyway.

HH,

You are right. That is where I was supposed to be. My sense of duty and committment would not let me do otherwise.

Bugs, you are absolutely right on. We can tend to forgive the wrong doing to us, but when they hurt other members of the family who are innocent bystanders, well, it does have a negative effect on the LB.

It's funny, everything he accused me of - selfishness, materialism, not caring, etc. he has displayed in spades. for someone who "doesn't give a hoot about money" well, he sure fought pretty hard for it. And selfishness? I haven't seen him give up much of his precious time to do anything about the demise of his family. It's just a shame that you have to find out who someone really is after all of this time.

Anywho, Still, your sitch is much the same. The best thing that both of us can do is forget them and let God take the reigns.

Ima and Karma, I don't think Dd has it in her or doesn't want it badly enough to turn this thing around. She just doesn't care about anything other than drugs. The best thing that can happen for the new baby is for her to let it go to adoption. Neither I nor the other grandparents will step in this time, so she will be forced to let this one go. I hate the thought of it, but a child need two loving, young parents who can keep up with it.

I hope this year is better for me. I guess it can't get too much worse.

WANNA BET

Stop talking like that and BELIEVE that things are ALREADY getting better.

I love ya girl.

Oh Queenie, I can always count on you to set me straight. No pity parties allowed when Queenie is around.

Things will get better......

This is great advice.

Hi CL,



Yes...

...and have you made yet a 'realistic' list of specifically what are the 'things' you CAN do...NOW... to get the ball rolling and to keep it rolling in the right direction?