Three years ago, my wife and I moved from New York City to a suburb in the southern U.S. She grew up in Manhattan and never adjusted to the move. We have two kids. She is a stay-at-home mom. I work all day. We bought a house during our move that financially strapped us to the point where we rarely get babysitters or go on dates.

A year after moving down South, my wife and her cousin/best friend who lives in Massachusetts started writing a screenplay together. It was through her cousin that she met the other man. He lives in London, but his parents have a home in her cousin�s town.

What started out as �just friends��he was helping them get connections for their screenplay�quickly developed into an email affair that has now become physical on several �writing� trips to Massachusetts.

The OM is a major bullshitter and has convinced her cousin, her cousin�s husband, another cousin, and my wife, that they are starting this family of creativity where they can work on various projects together. Unfortunately, only my wife has talent. The others are not very good. My wife knows that, but is too caught up in the affair to think rationally.

After filming the last screenplay, my wife is now convinced she wants to write screenplays and direct with her cousin and wants to divorce me and move with my kids to Massachusetts. The affair and the project have given her a sense of independence from what she perceives as me controlling her in our marriage. But we seemed to have a happy marriage before moving down South.

I discovered the affair by accessing her email at the end of August and we have not had sex since. Since discovery, we have been in counseling, but seem to be making no progress. She seems hell bent on starting this new life and writing with her cousin, her cousin�s friends, and the OM.

Thus far she has refused to end communication with the OM. She knows I monitor her cell phone and computer at home, so she sneaks to the public library to send him emails. She says she is not trying to deliberately hurt me. She also chats on the phone with her cousin/best friend, who I believe is a very bad influence on her, every day. Her cousin applies a lot of pressure on my wife to move up there and so they can write together and finish editing the film they shot, in which the OM stars. It is not a good film and none of them really know how to shoot or edit a film.

Should I even stay married? I want her to give up the film project in which the OM stars. I want her to cease contact with the OM. And I want her to separate from her bad influence cousin. So far, she doesn�t want to any of those things.

Any advice would be helpful. I love my wife and I'm really worried about my kids. She and these friends in Massachusetts are really drinking the Kool-Aid.

Hello,
You need to contact an attorney immediately to understand your options. She may be planning to take your children away from you to another state. You must be proactive and be prepared to show in court how it would be detrimental to your children. Contact an attorney now and find a way to block her from even thinking about doing this. Good luck

Your wife sounds feeble minded. You need to start the old exposure routine to try to kick start her brain. Kids, parents, friends, everyone needs to know she is having sex with this guy. His wife, as well, if he has one.
Sorry your wife has decided to do this to you and the kids. It's incredibly selfish.

Mundane life in the burbs raising two little ones vs moving around the electic artsy crowd writing screenplays and sipping lattes while hubby takes care of the bills and family.

Definately have a tough one here - lack of maturity on her - battle between reality and fantasy.

Mark's Troubleshooting Manual


Need to do some reading and check out Marks Troubleshooting Manual on the basics. Good stuff here. Will give the overview on how to tackle this.

Reminder - this is marathon and not a sprint. Buckle up for the ride.

Get a lawyer asap to find out your rights - keep the kids in state by acting first.

Yeah, it's fantasy vs. reality. She goes up to Massachusetts and drinks and smokes and has a grand old time leaving me and all her responsibilities at home with the kids.

On the one hand, I kind of want to divorce her just to see her crash and burn. But on the other hand, I love her with all my heart. I just think she's gone temporarily insane. Plus, I've got two kids, so I'm really afraid for their futures. If we do divorce, and if she marries the OM, I highly doubt it will last. The guy is all talk. And the last thing I want is for my 2 kids to go through 2 divorces before their 10 years old.

First - do not allow your WW to take children out of their home. Tell her you believe in saving marriages not destroying it. Your wife is a cakeater - she wants best of both worlds. You need to expose the A to whoever can help you put pressure on the A. Read more about exposure in the Newsletter Forum. Do not make it easy for her to leave the home to meet OM. Your WW is an alien right now - you can't believe anything she tells you. Go also to the Notable Posts forum - you will find good info for Newbies. Below are the links to Plan A - you will feel better if you have a plan. Definately seek legal counsel to protect you and kids.

Plan A&B
Plan A & Plan B

Carrot & Stick
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1640788#Post1640788

Gg

My friend what you are doing is enabling her affair. She continues to go do another state,drink, smoke, write, and screw the OM while you take care of the chidren and pay the bills. What is wrong with this picture. NO CONSEQUENCES TO HER ACTIONS EQUALS NO MOTIVATION TO CHANGE!You need to expose to everyone,see a lawyer and stop enabling this affair. If the roles were reversed, do you honestly think your wife would be so accepting and accommodating as you have been? Your wife has shown that she has no respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

First, STOP paying for ANYTHING that helps her have an affair. Pay for groceries. Gas. Cable TV. Do NOT pay for her cell phone or her internet, if she uses them to contact OM.

Second, call everyone in her family and in HIS family, and tell them what they are planning and doing.

Third, go to the bank and put a hold on ALL your financial affairs so she can't take money. She WILL.

Fourth, go to your lawyer and have them set up some sort of protection against her moving the children.

This is WAR, TE. For now, you have to FIGHT - either to get her back or at least to keep your children with you.

I did not know she was having an affair while she was taking these trips. I certainly am not an enabler. Since I found out, she has not met with the OM. But she has set up a secret email acct that I found out about. I have basically shut down her communication with him via her cell phone, which she knows I monitor, and her computer, which I also monitor. I have also called her out on her visits to the library where I know she is maintaining contact with him via the new email acct.

Is OM married or have GF? Have you tried to contact either?

How Affairs Should End

You need to start Plan A and learn real well the stick part of Plan A (Carrot & Stick).

Gg

OM is not married. Has no girlfriend. He seems to be a desperate, lonely guy in love with my wife.

Are her parents and siblings around - do they know what is going on. Will they help and support you by putting pressure on the A?

Gg

I have told 2 of her 3 brothers. One just this past week. Her parents have just been told (by her) as well JUST YESTERDAY, and they are very unhappy with her. Things seem to be shifting in my favor... for the moment.

TE, its real important the affair be exposed to the family members BY YOU. A WS will spin the story. I would strongly suggest you call all key family members and tell them the correct story and ------------->REAL IMPORTANT-------> ask for their help. Ask for their advice. Ask them to use their influence in persuading your W to end her affair.

Secondly, I would start talking to your wife about what will happen if she doesn't end her affair. Let her know that you cannot live like this much longer and that if this comes to divorce, you will be suing for full custody on grounds of adultery. Right now, she probably doesn't think you will do anything to stop her. But if she knows you will not roll over and die for her, she may have 2nd thoughts.

Are there any more key relatives to whom you could expose? Such as her grandparents? Your parents? A pastor? A sister? Everyone should know about the affair and she should know they know.

What about the OM's family?

I was thinking of calling my wife's mother to make sure she knew my side of the story as well as whatever my wife told her. I was also thinking of then asking my wife's mother to call the OM's mother, since he has no wife or GF. I believe the OM may have a close relationship with his mother.

I think your kids need to know about her cheating, as well. Harely recommends this. Do it in an age appropriate way.

This would be a good idea. But the point is not to give her your side or her side, but the TRUTH. There is only one side to the truth. That is what needs to happen. So I would call up ALL of the exposure targets yourself and give them the truth. You cannot count on your wife to tell the truth.


This would be a great idea. MrsW's [a FWW] mother called up her OM and scared the crap out of him. He dumped MrsW that day.

I am afraid though that my wife might resent me for having the OM break up with her. He could play that as if he were the hero. I would much prefer if my wife ended the relationship with him.

One thing to keep an eye out for. I doubt it's applicable at this time as she's likely in WW la-la land; however, keep an eye out for another states drivers license.

I have a friend who was living somewhat peacefully here in Michigan with his wife and two kids. She went on a vacation, back to her hometown in Illinois and promptly filed for divorce. Turns out she had applied for an obtained a Illinois driver's license about 7 months prior and was able to successfully claim Illinois residency in the divorce & custody case.

I don't believe most courts would uphold such fraudulent and deceptive actions but you never can be sure what will happen in any particular matter.

Thus...be on the lookout for this.

In the meantime...have you read through this thread?

For Newly Betrayed Spouses by Longhorn on the Notable Posts Board

Mr. Wondering

p.s.- A little something you can start doing NOW, I strongly suggest you start, recommence or continue taking your children to church/temple with you EVERY Sunday. As your WW is a Stay-at-home-Mom, you are behind the eight ball as far as winning custody almost everywhere (I'm not saying you are going to lose). Thus, supposing she wins primary custody she MAY choose to attempt to "relocate" the children back to Mass or NY (Manhatten). You can fight it and win and having strong local ties to a church will certainly help your case besides the fact that it MAY help win you at least every Sunday with your children in the original custody case (the more you "win" upfront the less likely she can move). Here is a listing of factors which you may be utilizing if and when you were ever confronted with having to file for a modification of custody order because your WW wanted to move out of state. Factors from Lawyers.com: