Watch her actions more than the words. My wife is saying the EXACT same garbage. I know she has even met with an attorney yet.....she has not filed for D.

If she really wanted to she would. At least part of her doesn't want the D.

Well, if my wife files for D, then what? Does she really want to be a single mom with two little kids? Life right now is hard for her. Imagine if she's on her own. Of course, she can't think logically like this because she's stuck in the fog.

And now her family knows the D will be because of her lying and cheating.

I guess she didn't realize I'd tell her whole family when I found out. She didn't even think I'd find out, never mind her whole family. What a disaster...

And it is just that kind of realization of a disaster that drives a wayward spouse to make the leap back into the marriage, despite the uncertain future with a betrayed spouse. It's not a return to the familiar, it's the knowledge that they can either choose to fix things, or leave them broken with the wreckage in their wake.

IMHO, it all boils down to how much love the wayward and betrayed have for one another after everything. If you're in love, you'll make it work... if you're not in love, what's the point?

THAT is why I love Dr. Harley's approach: the goal is to fall in love and stay in love. Everything you do should support that goal. Because if you reach that goal, you can solve all your other problems and create a mutually-compatible lifestyle that doesn't involve sacrifice...

We didn't talk all day after the counseling session when I told her about who I exposed the A to. We said a few words when putting the kids together, but after the kids went down, my WW went to one room and watched TV while I stayed in the other. Neither one of us said goodnight and both went to our separate beds upstairs and down.

Exposure definitely has her mad, but I really don't care. She was threatening divorce before exposure. She's threatening divorce now. Like that really scares me... Oh no! My lying cheating, abusive, won't-have-sex-with-me wife wants to leave me.

TE-

Withstand the anger. If she is like my WW, she will try all sorts of tactics to manipulate your feelings. Don't fall for it. Stay calm, cool, and collected and be the better man. It's hard. Damn hard, but you can do it.

Thanks Limbo, it's really hard to stay calm. I kind of just want to get a D and say screw it. I love my wife and kids, but she's really crossed the line.

There are many times that I feel the same way. But think about it.... Is that really what you want?? It may come to that, but the way I look at it, if it goes that route I want to be ABSOLUTELY sure that I did EVERYTHING I could possibly do to save the marriage. Not just for me, but for the lives of my children.

Our WWs are behaving identically to what many others did. A good number of the others have recovered their marriage by following this plan. I'm trying to follow that same plan to get similar results. They all said she would spew anger like I've never seen after exposure. Guess what, she did. All the things they told me she would likely say....she said.

This plan might work and it might not. The beauty of it is that along the way, this program helps me to be prepared for either outcome. Through this struggle, we get to become a better person no matter what.

Trust me, I know it is very hard. Try to detach and focus on what your goal is and remember it's not Plan Doormat, it's Plan A. Carrot and Stick. Exposure is the stick part.

One thing to remember, SHE ruined your family, not you. So if you decide to end your marriage, fight like hell to keep the kids in YOUR home, with YOU. Whatever you do, do NOT move out!

It's been four days now since exposure to the OM's parents. WW seems really depressed tonight. Maybe he broke it off with her? Doubt it, but she hasn't told me.

She was pleasant earlier today, but now she is pretty silent and sad looking. Could be she's starting to realize the improbability of her future with the OM now that her parents and his know of the affair.

Perfect time to ramp up your Plan A. Look good, smell good, be great with the kids...as the fog possibly lifts and she looks around and recognizes her surroundings, make sure the first things she sees is a wonderful home.

I'm not sure the fog is lifting. She just seems depressed and bored.

At home in the burbs with 2 kids vs. ditching the kids with me to go have a night on the town and stay in a hotel in Manhattan... uggggh!

Continue to expose. Meanwhile, look good, clean up the house, rebuild yourself.

How did she get enough money to rent an hotel?

Sorry I didn't explain, but last year she flew up to Manhattan for her birthday and ended up staying with the OM at a hotel. The OM paid for the hotel.

Of course, I was at home with the kids thinking she had gone up to the city to see family. Which she did, she just told everyone she was staying at a girl friend's apartment.

The exposure has definitely rattled her. She said she feels like I've "closed off all the exits." She's definitely angry and depressed.

Does exposure ever backfire?

I exposed to WW's parents, brothers, and aunt and uncle, as well as OM's parents over a week ago.

She now seems to be leaning more toward divorce... like to get back at me for exposing her.

Is it possible exposure was the wrong tactic?

No. If your WW does proceed to D, at the very least you've brought forward the timetable of something that likely would have been inevitable anyway.

"No. If your WW does proceed to D, at the very least you've brought forward the timetable of something that likely would have been inevitable anyway."

Agreed. I have only seen the WW continue to walk away because the BH never exposed. The BH refusing to expose has never saved a marriage.

Normal reaction for a WW to get upset and lash out at the BH after exposure. They will threaten they are now leaving. This is the WW trying to make the BH stop exposing. This proves how much WW's fear exposure.

Exposure is the BS's friend.

It is the best tool to end a WW's affair. Exposure does not always work. Though it never hurts.

Can we rephrase this a bit?

Exposure ALWAYS hurts the affair. It just doesn't always mortally wound it.

Unfortunately, I am not just battling the affair/OM, I am also battling my WW's cousin/best friend, who introduced her to the OM, is constantly on the phone with my WW, and basically acts as an enabler.

She is a toxic influence on my WW, and continuously encourages my WW to finish the project they all worked on together, including the OM.

Remember that when the A is over. Your WW's cousin/best friend is not a supporter of your M and will have to go.

Have you told her whole family that cousin is doing that?