I wrote that email the day after I confronted his affair, that's the only contact w/ her.
OWFH, her mom and sisters are on FB.
If she's already said in her email that she didn't want hm anymore,woul it do any good to expose her now?
It's not because I don't trust any advice, I just wasn't sure if exposure would help when waywards didn't even want to be in the marriage anymore. So I expose, we get divorce And still getting divorce?

They ALL say they are leaving you, blah blah blah. When someone has an affair, they become a #1 LIAR. You CANNOT trust anything your H says or OW says.

If he's still at home, do you have a keylogger installed on his computer? Are you checking the phone and text records to see if they're still in contact?

kprisca, I do understand your confusion. I was there, surrounded by insanity of affair. One day my FWW said she will dump OM but next day wrote him cheesy love letter. It makes you dizzy.

You need to remove yourself from this crazy drama. The best way is to think about your WH and OW as a pair of very drunk persons. And chemically they are really really drunk.

Since you are the only sane person in your marriage you can have an influence by following a plan proved to be correct by hundreds of people here including myself.

The exposure is a must whatever WH or OW is saying or promising or babbling.

You think that "waywards didn't even want to be in the marriage...". But trust me, they don't know anything, they are not thinking clearly and as I read from your WH answer, the reality and consequences of his cheating are just starting to sink in. So, give him another dose of reality - it will actually help him to come out from the fog and he will thank you later.

Of course, MB plan does not give you 100% guarantee about saving marriages that are attacked by affair but it will give you best tools for fighting and for recovering whether marriage survives or not.

One more thing to think about.

If you and your WH will try to reconcile in the future, either OW or WH should leave the job - there is no other way.

I am so sorry you are here first of all....but you are getting A1 advice from very knowledgable people....I didnt find MB until a lot of time had already passed....EXPOSURE is your best tool right now, so do it...Dont make the same mistakes that I did please...I also had depression and that CONTRIBUTED to the problems in our M not WH affair.

You are in no way responsible for his A, and do not let him brainwash you otherwise....get this exposing done ASAP.

Catperson, I don't have access to his laptop or cellphone. They're company laptop and cellphone, both are password protected. He used to leave the laptop on, but he always shuts it down now. I'm not sure if I can install a keylogger if I can't start windows up.
The fact that they work together, I know there would be some kind of interaction. Am I just a idiot, choosing not to drive myself crazy wondering what's in his email or cell phone? because I'm certain there's gotta be interaction at the office?

There is interaction at the office. My WH also worked in the same CO. and OW. I was doing Plan A and trusting my formerly very trustworthy WH when he told me he was no longer contacting OW.....Well you need to stay on top of it, because I did, and when he walked outside to go to the shed, he was actually calling OW....DO NOT TRUST ANYTHING A WAYWARD SAYS!

I am sorry IDK anything about installing a keylogger...hopefully someone can help you more with that.

kprisca- do what the people are telling you on here. Whether it gets your M back together or not, this process will help you. I read the letters you posted and to be honest it is fog babble and I could almost GUARANTEE that they are still together. He wrote a response to her that included the fact that he was going to D you. Why would he write that to her, except that he wants to keep her on the line just a little bit longer. He is telling you that it isn't over and yet he is telling her that it is over with you.

I fell for the "we're just friends" speech and "we're not eachother's type." Well, my WH moved in with OW and her daughter and now they are playing house. It sucks, but being in Plan B I actually feel emotionally better now that I am out of the drama. Do what you feel is right and always know that it is worth it to give it a try. Even if all that does is give you the "I did everything I could." feeling i the end.

Listen to the advice on here and follow what is in your heart.

recon6mo,
I am confused about a lot of things. since that letter, he hasn't said anything about reconciliation. He knows that I do. He knows that I realized what I have done, but he said I'm selfish for not hearing him saying 'no'. Considering our strained relationship has been going on for a while, him saying he doesn't want to try ...somewhat makes sense. But how do I know for sure? Would it be wrong if I want to find out where his heart really is, before exposing his affair?

I'm sorry if I seem like I'm not listening to advice given to me here, or refuse the help being offered. I think I made another big mistake. When he told me he told his parents we're getting a divorce, I made a comment that they should know the truth. But then I told him that I wouldn't get his family involved as long as he keeps his words. Truth is, if I were to do that, it would've been an act of revenge. My heart is telling me it'd punish his parents more than anything. Especially if he really doesn't want to reconcile anything. I don't know if I'm right or wrong, I want to know if I'm fighting a loosing battle but I don't know where to look for the answer?

Scotland,
I'm the one saying it's not over, and we can survive through this. He told me it's over, and hasn't changed what he told me.
THat's what I'm having a hard time now....if it's really over with him, am I in denial refusing to accept it?

EXPOSE EXPOSE and the EXPOSE some more. It is part of the stick of Plan A and if that is where you are then DO IT. My WH started by telling me that there was still a chance and even after he moved out that it didn't mean it was over. Then less than a month later he took off his wedding ring and told me it was OVER and there nothing else to save. He was still a typical cake-eater and I plan A'd him until it hurt(it was hard). I followed what they told me to do on here to the letter. I am in Plan B and it is only 24 days in. I am still working on my M and hoping that it leads to R but if it doesn't I will have personal R and I can do it. I remember feeling the same feelings that you are and I was scared. Don't let FEAR run what you do. Exposure works and even if it doesn't, your WH won't be able to spin this to his liking. I am sure that my WH would have spun his story of his A into a love story if I hadn't EXPOSED. Just do everything within your power. Understand that you came to this site for a reason and the advice you will get here will go a long way to helping you.

Where can I find sample exposure letters? I have the name and email of his company's HR personnel. But I don't know the best way & professional way to approach this. Can anyone share their experiences in this, how companies would usually do?
Is it possible to separate them at work, without getting fired??

Do you want it to be over? Do you want to give up? If you do there are people here who can help you with that. If you want to try, then ask for help with that and people will help you with that. Read SAA. Read whatever you can on here and see how even if your WH says it is over doesn't mean that it is. During fog babble I have been told to pretend that they are the teacher on Peanuts. Watch actions and don't listen to the babble.

When I exposed at my WH work there was nothing even done about it. They continue to work together today. They live together and sit right beside eachother. I just have to hope that all of this togetherness will eat away at them over time. I will look over my thread to find my exposure letters. BRB

I never did an exposure letter to WH work....but I know it does have to be professional and kind of on the lines of that they used hours during work time to cultivate their affair, YKWIM? Like it is better for it to show how the company time was used and such....wait and see what scotland's exposure letters said...

This is the letter that was suggested to me

A sample exposure letter, written by Brit's Brat, a MB member and corporate attorney:

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

BS

Hope it helps

Scotland, thank you for the letter.
I just got through reading your story. Boy, did I do plan A'd wrong. I think I did more relationship-talk than I should've. He kept saying it's over, and I kept trying to show him why I don't think it's time to give-up. He even bought me a book, how to survive 'peaks & Valley's....he thinks this is all about me feeling guilty that I wasn't a good wife (I really was not). He said he believes this is God's lessons to me that I'm strong enough to move on. What do I say to that??


This article perhaps explained how I'm feeling right now.
Eventhough he said he regretted what he did to me, he didn't see see himself working on us anymore. Am I judging him wrong when I took this as his lack of remorse? He told me he's not willing to 'fix his mistake' the way I want, and I can't make him. Seems like my willingness to work & fight for our marriage backfire my intention?

kprisca,

You are speaking very much about feelings right now. Where your WH heart is, how your heart is telling not to expose to his parents...

But try to think logically, based on facts.

Didn't your WHs "heart" lead him into the biggest mess in his life? Stop reacting to what his "heart" says or where his "heart" is.

You are still wondering that your relationship was so "strained" that this somehow justifies the cruelty of affair. Stop.

If your son was in affair would'nt you want to know and help as a parent?

Concerning your WH parents - they should know the truth. Forget the promise you gave about keeping his dirty secrets.

Another fact - how can be telling the truth be punishing or vindictive? Only for those who are afraid of the truth.

You're not listening. They ALL say that. What are they supposed to say?

"I want to keep scr&wing two (or more) women, so I'm going to stay married to you and have her on the side"?

He says it's over so he has the 'right' to do her.

If I were you, I would hire a PI. I GUARANTEE they are AT LEAST going places on their lunch breaks to get it on. Get proof of that, photographic or video. THEN expose.

This is ridiculous. It is ALSO your FEAR talking - you're afraid of him being mad at you.

This is war, kprisca. He is an alien in your H's body. Your H is in there somewhere, hoping you will rescue you from his crazy mind. Help HIM by telling his parents and asking them to talk to him.