Anna,this is very wise perspective, and one that is good to remember. Very often when people date and then break up, the dumpee cannot understand how the dumper could "throw away what they had". But like you said above, the dumper usually does not share the same feelings or the positive outlook on the relationship as the dumpee. I heard this phrase from most women I broke up with, but the reality is that this is just how it is. Same thing happened when I was dumped, of course - I thought there was more of a "future" than the women did. It's all normal.

AGG

Thanks Anna for the 'other' perspective! Yes, you're absolutely right that she does not have the same feelings. As I recall, she has said this to me on more than one occassion "i don't want you to fall in love with me, because I know I will never fall in love with you and we will not be together in the end". Still, fool that I was, I interpreted her actions when we were passionate, or when we were together (holding hands, hugging) as a sign that 'well, she probably feels something, but isn't willing to verbalize it to me'. Its amazing the lies you tell youself because you want to believe that there is something there, when in reality there really isn't.

Today we had lunch (in a group) and we chatted as normal, though my answers to her were all short and to the point. I did not initiate any conversation with her at all, though at one point I made a subtle joke about her having a split personality (was just btw me and her) and she playfully slapped my arm. Didn't react to it after that and went off with another group of colleagues after lunch. Surprised that she's being so 'friendly' after the super unfriendly tone of our conversation on Sunday... maybe she DOES have a split personality...

I bought the book 'Why men love bitches' and it was really an insight. Either she's read the book many times over, or she is a dedicated practioner of the things it teaches. Very insightful.