Tell the whole family. Tell them you want to save your marriage and ask them to support you. If that's what you really want to do.

My H had a total of 3 affairs, that I found out in late September. One was an ONS 5 years ago; the other two, one was more or less an inappropriate friendship, and the other one was an EA/PA. Since nuclear exposure/the day he finally agreed to commit to NC (no contact) and to saving our marriage, I have seen him grow up some more and become more mature. He now says he's glad I did what I did. We are in our early 30s, like you (right?). Prior to exposure he engaged in selfish, independent behaviors frequently.

My point in saying this is that there's hope for you. But you need to set your boundaries and be firm about it. You need to let her know when something is not acceptable and that you won't stand for it. If you don't, she will not have any respect for you and will continue in her affairs.

It's not hurting her when you expose. It simply forces her to face what she has done and to deal with it.

And yes, read up on everything. Post often. It's a lot to deal with at once, I know.

Perhaps it is hard for you to do it because you may have been raised with the notion that it is your job to provide and protect. Provide for your family, protect your family. You may have the idea that protecting your wife is keeping her faults secret and hidden from public view. You may know them, but you will prevent the rest of the world from discovering them.

This behaviour is also known as enabling. The enabling of unhealthy behaviours. It happens all the time in families struggling with addictions. What needs to happen is for the problem to be exposed. Let there be light in the darkness. She needs to experience the consequences of her actions. She is behaving like a spoiled little brat, and if there is any hope for your future the sooner she finds bottom the sooner you can recover your marriage, if that is possible.

Right now she wants to continue doing what she is doing and likely she will do it again in the future. Why? Because she does not associate her actions with any negative consequences. She is only experiencing positive consequences. So it is time to help her. You need to stop enabling the behaviour and let her experience the reality of HER choices. These folks on here have given you great advice. You need to expose what she is doing and that will be part of the healing process. If you don't then be prepared for the cycle to continue.

Remember if things don't change they will stay the same.

Blessings
BCBoy

whitetail, you are feeding into the drama and talking yourself out of using the most powerful weapon you have to destroy lalaland, exposure. Have your sisters beat the crap out of WW yet? Families should want to protect their own no matter what age they are. Having pissed off inlaws can work to your advantage. You should even tell them OM's name so they will know who the POS is that has no respect for their DD and their grandbabies. Set the wheels and motion, stand back and observe without interference. You WANT a major blowup. After the dust settles you can decide the next step. If WW divorces you over exposure then she doesn't have the humility to survive marital R anyway. She is a big girl and needs to grow up.