Time to check phone bills for unknown numbers. Calls made when you are not home, length of calls, frequency of calls to locate OM identity.

Install key logger on computer to gather info.

Hide digital VAR in WW car and home.

Hide a GPS in WW car.

You must search for the truth.

As melody and other's have said, when a W say's I need time alone, when need to separate, I need to play the field to see if your the one.

This means wife is a WW. And, she has someone she wants to replace you with.

Most likely she is doing the OM while you are reading and posting here on MB.

WW's always try to move the BH out of the way so she has a free hand to see the OM without interferrence from her BH or anyone.

There may or may not be an OM waiting in the wings. Until you can do some snooping, start to Plan A your wife. From the sounds of it, you haven't made any real changes to better the situation since your A ended. There are no guarantees but start with action today.

Update; I asked W when she would do some counseling and she stated she wanted to set it up. Then she asked if I would take a lie detector test.

I told her I would set it up, and I would take a lie detector test if she would.

Then the dreaded emai came back and she fessed up to an affair 3 years ago and one she is currently in.

So you were all right on with the OM. She is willing to go to counseling so I am setting up an appointment with this outfit.

Do you have anymore advice on what to do from here?

Holy smokes. I was a little dubious about the jumping to the conclusion she had an OM. But, wow, folks sniffed this out right away.
I guess these folks really do follow patterns which are somewhat predictable.
No sesne doing any counseling if she is still cheating. She needs to stop cheating first.

1. Do something about the job situation NOW if you want to save your marriage. This is not going to work if you are living apart. Can you take a leave of absence?

2. find out NOW who it is and if he is married. Just get his name and town, she will probably lie about his marital status

Then come back and we will tell you what to do.

By "this outfit" do you mean the Harleys?

Read all the articles on here, and read Surviving an Affair.

Do not move out of your home!

Do not worn your wife or OM about anything you plan to do!

If OM is married call his wife NOW and tell her what you know!

Why do you think she did that? Was the point to reinforce her manipulative strategy of blaming YOU [your past affair] for the separation?

Thank You for the advice, as hurtful as it is. I will keep you updated.

So to clear this up, we should not start counseling until her current affair is over or??

If you are going to use the Harleys, call them now, they can help you build a plan and execute it.

But most traditional Marriage counselors cannot help and may make the situation worse.

You can start marriage coaching with Steve Harley now, because he will help your wife end her affair and walk her through this. That is something that traditional marriage counseling will not do. Once he helps her end the affair, he can counsel you through marital recovery.

Steve will assess your situation and give you a PLAN.

RW, I am so very sorry your wife is having an affair and you are in so much pain. But please do not despair. You are one step CLOSER to marital recovery today than you were yesterday. At least now you have a CHANCE because you are getting the truth.

RW,

Many here on MB believe that MC (marital counseling) is a waste of time while either partner are in an affair. My experience was different, and I believe, if you will set up MB counseling, it won't be a waste.

We had an solid MC counselor during my WH's affair. I believe it was due to the MC that he ended his affair when he did. I believe Steve Harley would do much as our MC did; that he could cut through fog.

During our first MC session, we were asked for out goals...and accepted we had different goals...mine to save the marriage, WH to decide if he wanted to end the marriage and leave for OW, end the marriage, or work on the marriage. MC told WH he could achieve his goal (deciding) only if he ended OW's influence...otherwise, he wouldn't be able to really decide. So, to go NC (end the affair) first. One week later, after WH had a separate session with MC, he "broke up" with OW. He didn't want to, he was angry (and had been for a long time) and as he began withdrawal, he even said, "But if I don't think about OW, then I won't want her anyway if I decide to leave the marriage."

I believe counseling with the Harleys would be really important--gives you a customized plan to follow, has professional influence for your WW...and will give her a plan to follow.

We all understand your pain, RW...believe us, we've been there...deep fear and pain...it's not forever...you can recover fully, both personally and maritally...you don't have to do either alone.

LA

RW,

So sorry you are here, brother, and so, so sorry about your Dday (discovery day).

Yes, about that current affair. What's the dealio on that? Do you know who the OM is? Is she continuing the contact? (doesn't want to hurt his feelings probably)

Have you read up on the NO CONTACT letter? She cannot EVER have contact with the low life again.

If she works with the guy, she must quit her job. If he lives down the street, you must move.

When you are gone for those two weeks each month, it is a lonely and tempting time for your Wayward to stray....before Dday and after.

By the way, you have just obtained a get out of M free card, I think....in case you need to use it...I'm just saying...

IMHO

kirk

Move forward with the lie detector tests.

Most people fess up a tidbit, just to keep you from asking more questions.

RW, just so you know, it is DR. HARLEY who believes marriage counseling is a waste, citing studies that show the failure rate as high as 84%. They have a higher personal divorce rate than the general population. They are typically little more than divorce facilitators and cause more HARM than good because they base their "goals" on the little understood mindset of the current feelings of the wayward. They don't understand that the mindset of the wayward is temporary and intoxicated, so to ask a wayward what his goal is based on an intoxicated state of mind misses the boat entirely. That is like asking a falling down drunk what his goal is based on a very temporary and impaired state of mind. That is not a chance I would be willing to take with my marriage.

We see the result of these disasters every week on this forum, when people show up here who have been "counseled" by well meaning marriage counselors to "follow their feelings" [current feelings based on the addictive high of an affair] and have a "trial separation." Separation, btw, increases the risk of divorce. Separation, while one is in an affair only facilitates the affair, and does nothing whatsoever to fix the marriage.

Others have been told it is ok for them to continue working with or seeing their lovers, making recovery impossible. Others have been told it is ok to continue an online affair, because it means nothing.

In other words, your typical marriage counselor doesn't have the slightest idea how to save a marriage, much less understand the dynamics of wayward mindset of an adulterer.

Secondly, traditional counseling is largely so unsuccessful because it is based on FEELINGS. We all know that feelings change with the tides. What differentiates traditional counseling from Marriage Builders is that they believe [and they are right] that feelings follow ACTIONS. They have a behaviorial approach, rather than an emotional approach, which is why they are successful, unlike traditional marriage counseling.

If you take a hard look at the most successful programs, ie: Marriage Builders, Alcoholics Anonymous, you will see that they take a behavioral approach, rather than an emotional one.

Thank you all, it is great that I had somewhere to go and someone to talk to about this, this has helped me a great deal.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Riverway}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Don't forget to go ahead and schedule the lie detector tests. There may be more than 2 affairs under her belt.

Ok question, whats the best way to obtain a keylogger is best to download of the net or buy and install or?

Agreed.

You may also want to seriously consider if you REALLY want to continue your M with a WW that's clearly cheated more than once.

I just searched for them online and then paid and downloaded it. You then set up how you want to get the information - emailed to an email address, etc.