Yeah. I would think it should be at least be 50-50. I understand the cake eating, but for God's sake keep the wife happy so she doesn't snoop. He should have given equal time to the both of you. DUDE

BTDT...maybe not a 40 min phone call to OW but still...

The timing of the contact also kills me at times: on family vacations, at our children's bday parties or functions, after Church, after sex, after......

So many WTF moments...it's easy to see how the rage ensues.

FWW's EA was almost entirely conducted via telephone. I wish I'd had more recordings before D-Day to really get the depth of their conversations that led up to the "big one" that made me realize I had to confront or go crazy...

My perspective: Conversation is one of my top ENs. I recognize that's a typically "female" emotional need, but if I don't talk I really have trouble functioning. FWW and I, prior to the affair, routinely had 3-hour conversations a night or two a week.

It was when these suddenly disappeared that I became very concerned, and then the next month when the phone bill showed up with over 3,000 minutes on it, I was like "holy $@#%!"

But even if a man isn't chatty, I think all of us men recognize subconsciously that affection and conversation are "romance" to a woman, while recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment are "romance" to a man. We give them what they want so that they give us what we want.

EDIT: A ton of emotional needs can be filled via telephone or video chat if you're creative. FWW and I have enjoyed a number of such sessions when I've been out of town. 'nuff said about that.

Careful now, Barnboy, don't go generalizing with the sexes again!

I do know that I saw a steep rise in our cell phone bill during the A and when I finally was told about it, I pulled up the details. Most of the calls seemed to be initiated by the OW but my DH didn't hang up or ignore. Even on D-day, he took my DS to basketball practice so I could sob in peace and he called the OW for 77 minutes "just to make sure she realized it was really over". Waywards is so stupid!

I haven't read all this so maybe somebody has the answer already. This is a really interesting observation. My WXH never called me when we were dating and nobody had cell phones back then. Email was still pretty new and he didn't do that either. However, his A during the marriage was carried out to a large degree via cell phone and text messaging. When he moved in with OW, you would think it would have stopped. However, I've seen him many, many times since then on his cell phone. Once when he brought her to my baseball game, he was on his cell phone down at the diamonds and she was on hers at the top of a hill within easy shouting distance (she was scared to come too close to me and my friends!). As recently as last fall, I had to serve him with small claims court papers at his house. OW answered the door and said he was at out at the park but would be home soon. I waited and within 10 minutes he came walking up the street, texting on his cell phone the whole way. This was 2 1/2 years after he moved in with her and he still couldn't go down to the park without his leash.

My H is on his phone a lot and it annoys me. The way I see it is that technology keeps a level of intimacy at bay and even some level protection to the WS so they can't get caught up in their own lies to the OP. H has became accustomed to texting due to his job...that way we can still communicate when he is in a meeting and can't talk....fine. But when you can talk by phone or face-to-face, I hate it and he is learning to get away from that. People in general seem to be acting like this...I don't like it. We are going to have a generation of socially retarded people.

you'd think....

Yeah when OW was in town and "they" were together, I didn't get one MINUTE of a phone call. Turn about is fair play dontcha think???!!....

(gosh I've been dying to use that one!!!!)

MADNESS...DUDE

I am sure that technology itself plays a major factor. My H does not know how to text or e-mail so he did not do either with the FOW and he very rarely talked to her on the phone either but he is not into talking on the phone and like i said he is basically a technophobe. Their's were mainly face to face meetings.

I hate talking on the phone too, and conversation was not a top EN for me. However I gladly spoke often with OW. Even though it was not an EN, it served to feed the A addiction.

A's are irrational, and you cannot rationalize that which is irrational.

My H would talk on the phone to OW 6-8 times a day, text 10-12 times a day. This would be after meeting for sex and breakfast three times a weeks, eating lunch together nearly every day parking and necking after and looking for excuses to leave work on errands. All in all, about 30+ hours a week.

Interestingly, Dude, my H told me that a few weeks before D-day, he would curse the phone when the OW called. BUT, he would always answer it and talk to her.

AM

According to the bills Wayzilla would get on the cell with Gollum before her car was off our street every morning. She would yap the entire 25 minute drive to work. Then they talked on their company provided phones all day. Then she would call him as soon as she left work until she pulled into the driveway at home. Neither of them were technologically advanced enough to text.

They maxed out November 2006 (D-Day was Thanksgiving) with over 1,400 minutes (over one full day) on the cell not including work contact.

One night prior to D-Day while I was still clueless I picked up the cell bill she had not hidden yet looked at the bottom line and said, �Wow! What�s up with this bill?� It was $150 more than it should have been. She snatched it from my hand, leafed through it, tisk-tisking and called DD18 front and center. She reamed out DD for careless phone use and texting abuse until DD fled back to her room in tears.

Of course I would later find out the overages were all Wayzillas. What great parents waywards make.

This was the event that started my awakening over the next few days.

Strange but they only called each other once on a weekend that I was aware of.

I don�t know if anyone else saw this but they must have had a little �all clear� trick they would pull with their cell phones. The bills showed dozens of times where one would call the other with a short single ring call. If the coast was clear the other one would immediately call back and they would have their 40-70 minute festival of phone love.

BONKERS...They are totally BONKERS...DUDE

The HAVE to feel like complete BAFOONS once their world collapses. DUDE

Perhaps it is easier keeping a fantasy alive if you DONT ACTUALLY HAVE TO SEE THE PERSON. So talking on phone and e-mailing would be perfect.

Dude,

Agree. H was totally bonkers and a baffoon to boot.

And it was the phone that tripped him up and led to d-day. OW texted in the middle of the night - an innocuous message, but still strange to me because of the time of day. I asked H if he was having an affair and of course he denied it. Three days later the phone bill arrived. I looked at the details on line and he was busted.

Three weeks later, at the phone store, I advised another woman - total stranger - how to look on line for her call details. She suspected an affair.

I think the waywards caught by this phone/texting obsession is huge.

AM

My FWH busted himself using the cell phone several times. It's funny now, it wasn't then. He pocket dialed me once and I overheard a conversation and then he left recorded VMs on his phone which were easy to get. I used to forward his messages to my phone all the time. Waynerds can be so dumb!

OW and WH used to call each other 20x day. One phone call lasted six hours! After he came home I asked him about that... what on earth did they talk about for six hours?

His response? They both passed out while they were talking (or listening to each other breathe). Uh-huh. ROFLMAO!

More ENs than affection and conversation can be met with the cell phone. I think many OW stroke the egos of MM with admiration on the phone and probably hit the SF in their disgusting pig-rutting talk.

affection, conversation, SF, admiration...

But I think it is mostly due to what ImStaying mentioned....the addiction. It's the high they get every time they sneak around and get away with it. Texting back and forth feeds the thrill. The phone calls that they sneak away to take or the phone tag they play until they finally can converse freely without the overbearing BS's over their shoulder

It's just the addictive high being fed throughout their day. Otherwise, they might crash and come to their freakin' senses!

Agree. I also think it's wayward insecurity. WS and OP feel if they don't keep in constant contact to keep addiction/A going they could lose it and they don't want to. It's pure selfishness, me, me, me, me

Gg