Hi Luna,

Actually I am doing pretty well. Looking for a job is a priority right now, and managing to keep the business running until I find one is a challenge but I am hanging on.

I started piano lessons again, and my next step is to get into some kind of exercise program.

I also started attending al-anon meetings. have to detach from my DD.

So, moving forward.

I have down days, but for the most part I try to put XWH out of my mind. In fact, the idea of recovery with him is becoming distasteful. At this point, it would be a hard sell for me.

I am getting there.

Slowly, but it is a process.

A hard sell especially since he's now another woman's husband.

The odds are, Chai, that this behavior of Mrs. Mullet will make him wonder what he ever saw in her.

You won't see him second-guessing himself, though. Heavens, he would never let YOU know he thinks he made a mistake...

True, although I haven't verified 100% that they got M. At this point, I prefer to believe that they did because it really closed a door for me. It has actually helped me to get on with things believe it or not.

And Miss Mullet, well, we shall see what happens...

Well, now I am getting taken back to court for contempt. Both my atty and I were out of town and I didn't get the form for the 401K transfer back in 10 days so here we go again. WH and Miss Mullet want the money.

I'm going to stop there. The 2010 Chailover is not going to get angry, sling mud, or think about XWH unless I absolutely have to (as for something like this).

Yes, the 2010 Chailover signed the document and sent it so that the alien will go back to whatever planet he is on and leave me alone.

Save up for a nice newspaper ad you can place when this is all over. One you check with your lawyer on first so you don't get sued for libel as well.

Well Cat, I've thought of writing a book about it. I wonder if you can get sued for writing a true story?

Truth is an absolute defense in libel/slander cases.

I'm not a lawyer, but I'm sure any one of them here would agree.

It's been a few weeks since I updated, so wanted to stop by and report 2010 progress.

I'm almost afraid to say it because I might jinx myself, but I am doing quite well. I had already decided that 2010 would be a better year, so I am doing everything I can to make that happen.

I completed my vision board and I am totally motivated.

Job searching is still underway. Slow.

I have completed 1 of 4 doctor appointments. I have not had anything checked in almost 3 years and I really need to do it. Besides the feamle stuff, I need general check up and colonoscopy. My goal is to get them all done by end of March. I just want to know that I am healthy (or not).

I am taking piano lessons again. I can't afford every week, so I have a lady that is working with me on a limited basis. It keeps me playing....

I am attending Al-anon meetings every Thursday night. Should have done it a long time ago. I've found that it is a good program whether you have addictions to deal with or not. I am learning "just for today."

I am going to do Zumba and kick boxing starting next week. What is Zumba? Heck if I know, but a friend is doing it and she says it's a fun dancing exercise.

The business has done better this month. Gee I'm glad that it waited until after the D to do a turn around otherwise XWH would have wanted his share of it.

And finally, I am doing a little painting and sprucing up of my condo. Just making things a little cheerier.

XWH? Don't know, don't care.

I am learning that I am totally capable of recovery.

Sometimes you just have to rid yourself of the toxins.

And I gave the OK on Monday to move the funds to XWH.

D - Done. Over.

Life after D - Just starting

And XH has not contacted you at all, in any way? No emergency calls from DD about his health?

Go get your health taken care of! That's the best. Take classes, get things checked up on...

How much better is business, btw?

Hey Karma,

No, XWH has never tried to contact me since he left 2.5 years ago. And I've told DD that I don't want to hear anything about him. If she has talked with him, she hasn't said anything.

And business? January ended at about the same as last year. Prior months were way down. I'm a little more motivated to do things now that the D is over. That helps.

Sorry, I kind of forgot that his last incident was one DD told you about.

Maybe now you can start advertising more, or running more specials...you'll have the time.

Heck, I'd be glad to write anything up for you if you need it.

Hi Chai, Hugs!
You know we cheer each other on. Your right -- one day at a time. When I start to project and look towards the future, I start to freak. Breathe and baby steps.

As for Zumba! It is great. You move and work it work it work it. Great music and the hour flies by. I have not been for a few months but you just reminded me how fun it is.

HI CL,

It was great reading your update.

Keep on trucking!

Luna

Luna!!! good to hear from you. I am following your example, so keep hanging around here. You have been a wonderful role model.

I got a surprise email this morning from XWH's brother. He lives in another state and we didn't see them often. He said that he hasn't heard from us for two years and has tried to call (phone disconnected) and mail stuff (returned) so couldn't figure out what was wrong.

I told him I would call him tonight, but I gave him the short story - XWH D'd me for Miss Mullet. He will be shocked. It will be interesting to see what he has to say.

Anyway, that tells me that XWH has had no contact with any of his family. XBIL is his only sibling, and I see his cousins regularly and they say that they haven't heard from him either. So he has totally left his entire family for this woman. Unbelievable.

I was watching the interview last night that Barbara Walters did with Jenny Sanford. They played clips from the press conference where the governor talked about his "soul mate." It's unbelievable that grown, supposedly intelligent, adults can get into such a state of fantasy and make such life changing decisions. That guy was one of the worst.

Anyway, I really had a lot of respect for Jenny Sanford. And she spoke as though she was very informed about A's. I may get her book.

Well, I hope Mullet Head is worth it.

I'm sure he thinks so. At least for now....

Yeah, they're blowing through all that money he stole from you. Things will be fine.

Do you think he's extravagant with Mullet Head like HH's WH is with HIS OW?

I foresee a blow-through of that money, and a hasty retreat by Mullet Head.

I also watched the interview with Jenny Sanford last night. And I kept thinking that those words... soulmate crap...were the same words my WH said.

And Jenny seemed so sure of herself. That HE had the issues and HE needed to work through them. And her kids.... reminded me of my three innocents.

And the Governor sounded so crazy. And D!ck is definitely crazy risking the same things -- family, friends, position, character, money, etc.

It seems so unbelieveable her story -- but it's my story, too, and your story, CL, and Hope's story and any number of WSs on this board.

She gave him opportunity after opportunity to come out of the fog and redeem himself just like us here. And he was in the public eye with all the world watching (talk about exposure!) and he STILL couldn't do it. It just seems so simple to us. To them, it's like we've asked them to cut off their arms.

Then I watched Celebrity Rehab and yep... it's an addiction. They put themselves in front of everything for the next high. Just look at Tom Sizemore.

This is my first time on MB and having just read a few of your stories, makes me feel so sad that some people can be so selfish in relationships. It gives me so little hope in finding a good man who can be faithful and loving. My problem started over a year and a half ago but turned to A 7 months ago lasting 4 months before I discovered it.
I knew my H was very friendly with OW and I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Eventually I involved a PI only to discover my gut instinct was correct. He immediately finished with her but she said she would be waiting to continue if it didn't work between us (she's married by the way and her youngest was friends with my little one who was 4 at the time). I cannot believe how her husband doesn't have a clue as the whole neighbourhood was gossiping before even I was sure. Now all I feel is this unbelieveable hatred for H. I still see her from time to time in the area but ignore her. She doesn't know how lucky she is that I haven't done the things to her I dreamed of!
My problem now is I love H but hate him and can't forgive. He is still extremely selfish as a person and wants to pretend it never happened. Sometimes I feel positive and strong, other times I want to just curl up and cry. My kids are also suffering as I don't have any patience for them.

I used to thank God for giving me such a lovely family and was always scared incase something would happen to change that. Now I feel that the first available man who shows me affection and I am attracted to I will go for. I don't think I owe H anything anymore.
I am so confused. I want my marriage but I hate him so much he disgusts me! I don't know what to do. Do I just give up and make a life for myself alone with my kids or believe he will never betray me in such an ugly manner again.

EKL... welcome to MB. Yes, many stories here are sad, tragic, scary, and unbelievable. It helps to learn that you're not alone in your situation as unfortunate as it is.

If you really want advice geared toward your situation, start your own thread with your story. The vets are helpful in guiding you with the various plans. Start with the articles and the book to familiarize youself with the lingo and strategies.

Yes, it's terrible how affairs break up families. They tear out our hearts. They damage our children. There are no winners. The name of the marathon game becomes RECOVERY.