Maximum punishment.

Dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 1 year.

Wow! I wish my WH was still "in". That's a whole lot of leverage.

From what I've seen on here at least, exposure to the military brings them down on the wayward with the threat of severe consequences if they continue. Most WS's, faced with the thought of the above worst-case scenario vs. keeping OW, opt to ditch the OW.

I would urge you to speak to someone who may be able to set your mind at ease about what would be done. I can't tell you what to do from there, but I know what I would do if it was me...

Expose anyway.

I would have many years to make alternative plans for retirement, or ways to recoup any other losses. What I would want is to do my best to have my DH around to retire with, much more than the money. Having said that, I would also not look down on someone who decided to keep quiet, divorce, and keep the money. But boy-howdy, how much easier life would have been if I'd had Uncle Sam to tattle to when I needed him.

To clarify your question about Plan A, since I didn't talk so much about length, Dr. H has recently changed his recommendations, and future copies of his books should reflect that. For women in Plan A, he has shortened the recommended time from 6 months to 3-6 weeks due to the extreme distress and increase in PTSD symptoms. The recommendation for men is shortened somewhat, too, to 3-6 months. He says that men are often able to do Plan A for longer periods of time.

So 6 months for you isn't something you should shoot for any more. That's good news!

As to the texts, nothing so heavy as IMY & ILY. Short, funny, flirty, naughty, or all of the above. "sittn here cryng 4 u" is out, "guess what color undies im wearng" is in. So is a follow-up text a few minutes later, "NONE ha ha".

Something funny the kids say or do, a happy memory the two of you shared, and smokin hot & sexy, all are great categories to shoot for.

Guess that's your today/tomorrow assignment, hey?

neak, thank you for saying what I didn't have the courage to say.

I agree Neak! Well put!

Maybe talking to a Chaplain? Anonomously...call one on another base. They might be able to tell you better what the consequences would likely be. But, frankly I'm with Neak...I wish my husband were still "in". I would give up any amount of money to be with him and save our marriage. I'd report both of them!

I would probably bide my time until you have your financial protection secured. Then EXPOSE HER (OW) to her command.
I would dearly LOVE to see this OW endure the military punishments....

Cat - talking about undies doesn't embarrass me at all. It's just who I am.

Thanks for all the input.

Next thing to do is send him the occasional email. Mix it up a little. Sometimes a little flirty so he knows you desire him, sometimes a funny thing the kids did or said, and sometimes remembering cherished family times or things that you appreciated about him. Word these carefully so the emphasis is on how great he was, and how awesome your time was together, without making the obvious comparison to what a jerk he's being now.

Send one or two of these a week, plus the occasional TM.

At whatever point he comes over, have something baking that smells good, and look your best. You can even lightly and fluffily invite him over for supper. Expect him to refuse and be laughing and gracious if he does. Maybe he will, and maybe he won't, but it doesn't matter. He'll still know you wanted him there, and that's what counts.

That should be enough to keep you busy for a little.

Thanks Neak! I myself have been a bit lost on the specifics of all this. Thank you for the direction!

LH! I'm praying for you!