dude 007. 9 years is surely more than the 3% you predict. This is not about an affair this is how to conduct myself in this marriage, surely ?
Thanks for the doom though. Very helpful !!!!!!!!

**edit**

I think what Dude is trying to share with you is that, statistically, very few marriages that begin as affairs will last. 3% is the number used when referencing marriages that last after having their roots in an affair. The philosophy being that they were built on a foundation that was predicated on lies and deception.

well then tell dude to read m wifes email and then tell whether that's the case in my particular circumstances.

The longer the affariage, the larger the Karma bus. DUDE

Dude's not bad peeps. You'll get to know him better as you go through this with us.

Ok, I'm going to read them. Understand though how you started out this M. She knows you obviously didn't value your first wife much(since you cheated on her) and now she has strayed because of it. Do you see that? You started this relationship out on the WRONG foot so its hard for it to last like a REAL marriage would have? Get it? DUDE

if you say so. is i not impossible that we found each other and just got on with it and made mistakes. You sound sooooooo bitter !!

if 3 % is average then by that statisic, we have done well !??

dude 007 have you read them ?

I read the email you posted, and I read the title of your thread, meaning that you cannot get past your W's A. Can it be that Dude's comments and the title of your thread are related? Marriages that begin in an affairage usually implode, as the deceit and lying cause the partners to mistrust each other. Is that what is happening here? Was the OM married as well?

You want us to help you decide whether your W's email is genuine, yet you are the best one to determine that. You can end the marriage if you like. That is your prerogative based on her adultery. Or you can decide to work at making your marriage stronger than it ever was. That decision should be based on your feelings first and foremost. Either way will take work.

I propose everyone stop being judgmental and see if there's anything here.

Bingo, when I read your posts I get a sense of a very controlling personality at work. Does this resonate with you? If so, you might want to consider that at this point in time, the only thing you have control over is WHAT YOU THINK and WHAT YOU DO.

You do NOT have control over your wife and what she thinks and does.

Therefore, it's in your best interest to refocus your lens on YOU and see what you can do for YOURSELF.

I am probably the last person who should be talking about marital recovery. Less than three months into this miasma, and I have pretty well written off any hope of my wife's return. As someone else told me, I have no CONTROL over future events, so could it happen? Yes. Will it? I have no freaking idea.

But what I do know, and the reason I continue to read and post here, is that MY OWN PERSONAL RECOVERY can be found here by learning the principles and concepts found in "Marriage Building." Because even if I can't recover this marriage, why on earth would I ever want to put myself into the position where I can be subjected to the same kind of pain again? MB is helping me become the kind of husband my wife would WANT to be married to. And if not her, maybe someone else.

There are people here from all walks of life, at all levels of marital recovery (or not). The veterans here have all walked the path we are currently on. We can choose to follow their footsteps or try to blaze our own trail.

Do you know how to recognize a pioneer? He's the person with the arrows sticking out of his chest.

The people here have helped me see the truth about my marriage. They have helped me investigate the type of person I married, why I married her, and what my part was in the marriage that may have led her into being susceptible to having an affair and destroying everything.

Finally, this site has a Terms of Service (TOS). The moderators here will delete offensive posts or those that contain personal attacks. They have no place here. No one forces anyone to come here, no one forces anyone to follow suggestions, and no one is required to hold your hand and guide you to every page and every quote on the site.

But understand that this is a community of people who have a common belief -- a common FAITH, if you will -- that the MB principles work. If you cannot bring yourself into alignment with that idea, perhaps this is not the community for you.

OK, she is really into you. Always has been, but felt like you never paid a dam bit of attention to her. She has screwed everything up w/ stooping to an A. She feels lost and is probably a little bonkers right now. This is probably mixed w/ the guilt from breaking up your first marriage. I think she is a lost soul who needs to find her moral compass and get grounded and quick. DUDE

dude 007 read her letter to me , then judge.

is this marriage builder or destructors. I'm not looking for a way out...just peace !!

Just a reference point: My mother had multiple affairs. I was the kid she kept with her through them. She was married to her last affair partner for seventeen years.

I played nice and acted happy for seventeen years until he died of cancer two years ago. Now that he's dead, I'm happy to admit that I hated him every second of that time for breaking up my "real" family. And even my wayward mom knows it.

So what's wrong with being judgmental? IMHO people are too afraid nowadays to speak judgment where judgment is due.

Dude was stating statistics. Heck, many of us joke every day about that dang karma bus and look forward to its arrival. This guy represents the WH in most cases where a WH continues to be wayward and goes on to marry his OW. THAT is offensive to me and I think it's insulting for him to come here and ask for help from people who are CURRENTLY suffering the pain of adultery in their own marriages.

Sorry, that's just the way I feel and I suspect a lot of others here on MB feel the same way. I don't condone tolerance or the what's done is done, let's just move on attitude.

He should go to gloryb to get support.

ok, i am trying to control a situation that I perhaps enabled. it was nothing....why are you all looking so deep. i wake up and smile at my situation as does my wife. 9 years ago does not really count now.....we are over that, as is my ex. I am am only here to get the feeling i am on the right track and that recover is in due process.
Dude 700 may not be included in this. Sooooo unhelpful.
I adore my my, as does she adore me, Its about repair not judgement. We both did wrong and we know it.
Help please not judgement.

Hello Bingo,

I am not sure if someone previously brought this up but your wife's desciption of the event indicates that the OM did have intercours with her for a short time without a condom. It is absolutely essential that she get checked for STD's. I wish you luck.

oh, my god.......he managed 4 thrusts i that makes you happy. no, no stds.
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