I think i have always been aware but i think it did not bother me as much before it happened to me..........

But then again i do not watch much TV and have not for a long time because it just makes me sick to turn it on and on every channel there is all this sex selling everything and i hate it.......

Affairs are on the rise because of the descent of society.

Entitlement
Vows are said till someone better comes along
Affairs glorified in movies
Children emulate what they are exposed to making it generational
I gave at the office takes on a whole new meaning
Churches in decline
Celebrities and sports figures do it "just because"
Internet is only the tip of the iceberg
IMO

You win the golden post award. Spot on

IMHO,

The whole problem with "innocent" communication via text, FB etc. is that emotions, and "feelings" are cultivated until just chatting or testing isn't enough anymore. The urge to meet, and turn the EA into a PA is just too much.

Sometimes, once it starts there is no turning back. Marriages, families, and friendships are destroyed,....sometimes beyond repair.

Yes, it happens a lot in the workplace. The electronic media is just another avenue. I am the victim of both.

1st WXW = workplace
Beautiful, wonder wife = FB

I think the convenience of the tools makes it easier for us to FURTHER dumb down our boundaries, once we've BEGUN to dumb them down ourselves in the first place.

In my case, although I saw eventual OW twice a week (at church & at singing practice), I'd been acquainted with her for 2 years through these activities & I'd never had the slightest interest in her or attraction to her whatsoever. At the outset of my EA I honestly couldn't have imagined going out of my way to talk with her alone, face-to-face. Why, even if I hadn't any improper intentions (and at some initial point, I certainly hadn't), I knew it might've appeared improper to an observer merely for us, as people married to other people, to be alone.

BUT... being able to have a quick e-mail or IM conversation... well, there was no fear of the appearance of impropriety there, because it could be secret, right? (stupid rationalization!)... so while my intentions toward her (as far as I would've argued at the time) were still proper, I [improperly!] decided there was no problem in e-mailing her secretly to chat merely (at first) about songs that we were working on, about music that we liked. And then, once we'd established that "e-rapport", it took nothing at all to start chatting about other things... music we'd liked in college, life histories, things going on in our lives, hassles of raising kids, her exasperation with her husband (nice progression of topics, eh?)... and nothing at all for her to give me an occasional quick call on her cellphone... and BAM!, there I was, hooked on her attention. We IM'd. We talked. We started practicing songs alone (oops - uh, what happened somewhere along the line to my healthy concern re: impropriety from 3 sentences ago?), and we started doing more chatting than practicing. We started meeting elsewhere and not practicing at all. EA morphed into PA.

But it wasn't the tools.

My realization: It was the SECRECY of the initial contact that was my first, subtle but decisive "boundary shift" that made possible all that followed. And this didn't have anything to do with the convenience of the tools or gadgets. It had everything to do with me.

As my wife insightfully explained in her best "Yosemite Sam" impersonation, "Waywards is SO STUPID!"

YUP!

OH, When I google the topic, FAAARRRR more comes up about the huge increase in porn usage and it's devistating effects than about I.T. and adultery.

Have you seen the sharp increase in porn use with your own friends and/or family?

I have not seen it in my family or friends with porn, but most definitley the internet, everyone thinks i am weird because i do not do any of the social networking things (Facebook and all of the other ones).

Actually this is the only place i post on the internet.

Here's a good article on this subject...From the Army

http://www.army.mil/-news/2006/10/02/394-cyber-affairs---are-they-the-new-adultery/

Golden post award, runner-up.

[quote=GloveOil]...and BAM!, there I was, hooked on her attention."

GloveOil - your post and your stats are the first hopeful thing I've come across since discovering my H's EA last month. He seemed genuinely anguished when I told him that, in my eyes and in my heart, this was an act of infidelity. I don't think he intended all the internet and cell phone time with OW to be cheating on me; but, I think, like you, he shifted his boundaries and let himself be pulled into this EA. I hope he honestly sees and believes how much it damaged the marriage for me, and I hope he has really terminated his close relationship with her.

I am finding it impossible to get past "hope", and begin to "believe", however, because even though the cell calls & txts have stopped, they still FB (They know I can log on now, and since discovery, she ended the only post I've seen about a friend who needs prayers, with well wishes for my H and me, and signed off including her H's name.) and they can email and/or call while at work. She lives in another state, is supposedly dying of cancer, and he doesn't want to abandon this childhood friend in what may be her dying days.

When I read what I just typed, I'm just amazed at what a gullible I am! My heart wants to trust, but my brain says stop being an idiot!

Anyway, hearing a similar EA experience from a man, and seeing that you and your wife have worked it out makes me feel a little better about our chances of coming out of this nightmare in a stronger marriage than we had before.

Well, I hope your H gets himself squared away.

From my experience, exposure is crucial.

I actually tried to break things off while it was still basically an EA, but she persisted, sobbing on the phone ("But you're the only good thing in my life right now!" & similar b.s.); and I stupidly alowed myself to care & after little more than a week, I caved, let it proceed to a PA, and hit complete bottom. I only broke it off after she'd gotten found out by her husband via a PI, and then I knew I had to be the one to tell my wife. Once that was done, the A could no longer co-exist with my marriage.

If you can have other people be in-the-know, then you don't have to rely only on your own eyes & ears, for whatever that's worth. Most affairs can't withstand the light of day. The secrecy is what allows them to flourish. Exposure makes secrecy less possible.

My WW actually told me yesterday, as if she were being "right and proper," that she had NOT told any of our friends what was transpiring between us.

It was all I could do to refrain from replying, "Oh, that's OK. I've told everyone!"

[quote=GloveOil]"Well, I hope your H gets himself squared away.

From my experience, exposure is crucial."

Concur, and when/if I get solid ammo, this will be the next step. I'm working on a keylogger problem (posted on keylogger question thread), and have thought about creating my own FB page and inserting myself into his through mutual friends, but the thought of having my personal life on the internet creeps me out. I noticed he has the OW woman's children as friends on his FB, but not our own children (not that they or I would want him to). In his defense, I guess you really can't say "no" when somebody invites you without causing problems...another reason to stay clear of all social networking sites. Too much drama!