|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,197
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,197 |
>Maybe a big black line between right and wrong would make this easier!
There is one.
It's a CHOICE to descern grey. I know, it is the grey that causes issues. But, IMO, the final stamp on the papers doesn't always make it OK either. I was in no way ready to date when the judge stamped that paper. It might have been legally OK but it would have been hurtful and irresponsible of me.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Man, this is getting complicated. Most things in life are simple...it's people that make them complicated. Maybe a big black line between right and wrong would make this easier! Does anyone other than a wayward ever say that adultery is "right" no matter what the situation?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
But, IMO, the final stamp on the papers doesn't always make it OK either.
It's nuthin' but a legality, yanno?
Do you think airline pilots should be required to get a license?
What about physicians?
It's just a piece of paper, afterall.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344 |
>Maybe a big black line between right and wrong would make this easier!
There is one.
It's a CHOICE to descern grey. I know, it is the grey that causes issues. But, IMO, the final stamp on the papers doesn't always make it OK either. I was in no way ready to date when the judge stamped that paper. It might have been legally OK but it would have been hurtful and irresponsible of me. Again, I go back to the word "choice." Right is right and wrong is wrong...but you STILL have choices to do right and wrong.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,197
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,197 |
For the record, the "big black line" comment was said kinda tongue in cheek. I finally realized that the judges stamp was the big black line and that it does exist and it does mark what is adultery and what is maybe irresponsible, rebound dating.
I am having that V-8 moment (hitting head) where I realize that the rules negate the need for this mental masturbation trying to find loopholes so everyone is more comfortable.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
I am having that V-8 moment (hitting head) where I realize that the rules negate the need for this mental masturbation trying to find loopholes so everyone is more comfortable. 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344 |
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288 |
I am fighting a infidelity dating battle on the Loveshack site. Floridapad who posts both here and there is dating while his WW takes a breather.
I am so glad that MB has a clearer conscience.
But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Is it hypocritical of me to be OK with BIL relationship when I won't accept WS relationship?
Do you know who is most certainly NOT a hypocrite?
Angelina Jolie.
She is consistent in her (adulterous) thinking and her (adulterous) actions.
She has no pangs of regret or guilt, nor is her conscience tugging at her.
There is no doubt in the fiber of her being that she can and will break up a marriage with impunity, if that is her desire.
I would not measure myself against her.
She is not a hypocrite.
Nor does she share my values.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,197
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,197 |
Yeah Pepperband, I should have stopped thinking about it though once I had my V-8 moment. In my mental masturbation, I am contemplating the difference between adultery + lying (the typical sneaking around affair) and the adultery without lying (the post separation, living apart, papers filed).
I did send BIL the link to this thread, we haven't talked about it though.
It all just sucks.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,141
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,141 |
[quote=Pepperband] Angelina Jolie. She is consistent in her (adulterous) thinking and her (adulterous) actions. She has no pangs of regret or guilt, nor is her conscience tugging at her. There is no doubt in the fiber of her being that she can and will break up a marriage with impunity, if that is her desire. I would not measure myself against her. She is not a hypocrite. Nor does she share my values. geez pep. that perfectly describes the ow in my situation. YIKES Love in Christ, Miss M 
me: FBS
H: FWS
Fully recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,688
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,688 |
I have found that men frequently encourage other men who are recently seperated to "get back in the saddle" as a way of getting over emotional trauma.
I read quite a bit media that is targeted twords the male population, and frequently the advice out there for other men is to get out there and date.
I find this really irresponsible, (O.K. somethimes there is a disclaimer note that says for men to play the field but not to "get serious") you will rarely find a womans mag that pushes this theory to this extent.
So maybe I would look differently at a woman who dates quickly after a breakup than a man who would.
I dunno. Food for thought
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888 |
I read quite a bit media that is targeted twords the male population, and frequently the advice out there for other men is to get out there and date. They can recommend and advise that all they want. In my case, I have an extremely difficult time dating. I have problems with self-esteem (I don't consider myself attractive) and while I think I'm intelligent, well read and cultured, I find I'm awkward in dating situations. As my daughter pointed out, she has more dating and relationship experience than I have! And I'm more than twice her age. My attorney made it clear: No girlfriends for the next six months. I assured her that wouldn't be a problem. I don't foresee a girlfriend in my future for a long time, if ever.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
|
|
|
|
1 members (duocbinhdong),
216
guests, and
103
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,527
Members72,052
| |
Most Online8,273
Aug 17th, 2025
|
|
|
|
