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>Maybe a big black line between right and wrong would make this easier!
There is one.
It's a CHOICE to descern grey. I know, it is the grey that causes issues. But, IMO, the final stamp on the papers doesn't always make it OK either. I was in no way ready to date when the judge stamped that paper. It might have been legally OK but it would have been hurtful and irresponsible of me.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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Man, this is getting complicated. Most things in life are simple...it's people that make them complicated. Maybe a big black line between right and wrong would make this easier! Does anyone other than a wayward ever say that adultery is "right" no matter what the situation?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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But, IMO, the final stamp on the papers doesn't always make it OK either.
It's nuthin' but a legality, yanno?
Do you think airline pilots should be required to get a license?
What about physicians?
It's just a piece of paper, afterall.
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>Maybe a big black line between right and wrong would make this easier!
There is one.
It's a CHOICE to descern grey. I know, it is the grey that causes issues. But, IMO, the final stamp on the papers doesn't always make it OK either. I was in no way ready to date when the judge stamped that paper. It might have been legally OK but it would have been hurtful and irresponsible of me. Again, I go back to the word "choice." Right is right and wrong is wrong...but you STILL have choices to do right and wrong.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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For the record, the "big black line" comment was said kinda tongue in cheek. I finally realized that the judges stamp was the big black line and that it does exist and it does mark what is adultery and what is maybe irresponsible, rebound dating.
I am having that V-8 moment (hitting head) where I realize that the rules negate the need for this mental masturbation trying to find loopholes so everyone is more comfortable.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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I am having that V-8 moment (hitting head) where I realize that the rules negate the need for this mental masturbation trying to find loopholes so everyone is more comfortable. 
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I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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I am fighting a infidelity dating battle on the Loveshack site. Floridapad who posts both here and there is dating while his WW takes a breather.
I am so glad that MB has a clearer conscience.
But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
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Is it hypocritical of me to be OK with BIL relationship when I won't accept WS relationship?
Do you know who is most certainly NOT a hypocrite?
Angelina Jolie.
She is consistent in her (adulterous) thinking and her (adulterous) actions.
She has no pangs of regret or guilt, nor is her conscience tugging at her.
There is no doubt in the fiber of her being that she can and will break up a marriage with impunity, if that is her desire.
I would not measure myself against her.
She is not a hypocrite.
Nor does she share my values.
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Yeah Pepperband, I should have stopped thinking about it though once I had my V-8 moment. In my mental masturbation, I am contemplating the difference between adultery + lying (the typical sneaking around affair) and the adultery without lying (the post separation, living apart, papers filed).
I did send BIL the link to this thread, we haven't talked about it though.
It all just sucks.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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[quote=Pepperband] Angelina Jolie. She is consistent in her (adulterous) thinking and her (adulterous) actions. She has no pangs of regret or guilt, nor is her conscience tugging at her. There is no doubt in the fiber of her being that she can and will break up a marriage with impunity, if that is her desire. I would not measure myself against her. She is not a hypocrite. Nor does she share my values. geez pep. that perfectly describes the ow in my situation. YIKES Love in Christ, Miss M 
me: FBS
H: FWS
Fully recovered
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I have found that men frequently encourage other men who are recently seperated to "get back in the saddle" as a way of getting over emotional trauma.
I read quite a bit media that is targeted twords the male population, and frequently the advice out there for other men is to get out there and date.
I find this really irresponsible, (O.K. somethimes there is a disclaimer note that says for men to play the field but not to "get serious") you will rarely find a womans mag that pushes this theory to this extent.
So maybe I would look differently at a woman who dates quickly after a breakup than a man who would.
I dunno. Food for thought
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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I read quite a bit media that is targeted twords the male population, and frequently the advice out there for other men is to get out there and date. They can recommend and advise that all they want. In my case, I have an extremely difficult time dating. I have problems with self-esteem (I don't consider myself attractive) and while I think I'm intelligent, well read and cultured, I find I'm awkward in dating situations. As my daughter pointed out, she has more dating and relationship experience than I have! And I'm more than twice her age. My attorney made it clear: No girlfriends for the next six months. I assured her that wouldn't be a problem. I don't foresee a girlfriend in my future for a long time, if ever.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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