Like you married your first W for LIFE....

Except that when you marry your secret lover you then necessarily create a vacancy at the secret lover position.

Unfortunately, for you BOTH, "happiness" IS a singular pursuit and, for your wife, it seemingly REQUIRES drama of the kind atypical to the standard "happy" marriage.

It's only a matter of time. Within the next four years and 3 months to be precise for about 97% of your sort.

Mr. Wondering

she had a legitimate father to her kids. I also had two others that I/we looked after beyond a marriage. What she didn't have was the real me. The one who could show her the love that I felt and she hoped for.
There were options out there other than me but she married me for some obscure reason.
Is it just possible that this could end well.
What would so many of you wish it not to ?

i didn't marry my first wife for life. I married her out of obligation and knew it at the time. I did what I thought was the right thing and just could not take it anymore. This was a totally different set of emotions and circumstances.

Boy, I'll say. Can you say, "understatement?"

what drama. There is no drama. She requires security and love and support just like any other woman does. Thats not drama ?

Seriously? For life? What would be your response to that question about your FIRST wife?

Look Bingo, what you can't seem to get is that your affairage is based on a foundation of sand. Your chances of success are 3%-- not very good is it? She has already been unfaithful to your "relationship". You went ahead and married her anyway for whatever reasons.

I'm thinkin' there's a lot more that you're not telling us because most affairs THRIVE on the drama. It's what feeds them. You know the truth and hopefully you can at least be honest to yourself.

You want to know what to do to make things right? You say you can't go back to your first wife, but you CAN have a HUGE impact on your children by teaching them to do the right things in life. Start by admitting to them that your affairage was wrong, by admitting to your first two children that you were wrong to treat their mother the way you did. By SHOWING them that redemption is possible with a repentent and contrite heart.

God will forgive you. We're just people. But part of repentence is turning from your sin and making things right.

Are you sure you want to stay where you are? Save this entire thread and revisit it in five years. Depending on your choices-- maybe you'll get it then.

why so nasty Fred ?
I don't get your problem.

You committed to her for LIFE, when you married her, your first W....so why would you think suddenly marriage vows mean anything now. I always amazes me, Why would you commit again to me married for life when it meant nothing the first time you did it....How can you and your new W ever trust each other...I am not wishing you unwell, but I do not see a marriage lasting when you made a commitment before and didnt keep it. Why would this marriage be different, you both cannot trust each other.

I get that the chances were slim for us. I get that affairs thrive on drama, but in the main there was none. Our lives were fairly mundane and unremarkable.
I married wrongly the first time, for all the wrong reasons. I took a great deal of time to get married again and kept making the same mistakes until i nearly lost my now wife. We both decided to marry for all the right reasons. Wheres the problem in that.
We have been living as man and wife for 7 years under the same roof etc etc with kids. The vows, I admit, were not there but it was a real situation that I messed up.

Something tells me your time would be better spent focusing on your problem. That is, if you can identify it.

I explained earlier. I had an unexpected son with my first wife but was not married to her at the time. I wanted to do what I thought was the right thing but I was very young (21) and very wrong to have committed to a marriage I knew was not going to last.
This is extremely different. I actually love this woman and didn't marry out of obligation and am glad I waited the years before doing it so that I could be absolutely sure. It took nearly loosing each other to realise that we wanted to be together forever. I meant the vows the second time. I just said them the first. I am so sorry if that hurts anyone but i am just being honest

I agree Fred. I do have issues and have never denied that on this site or to myself.
All I want to be is perfect for my wife and our children and avoid divorce again. Thats why I am here to understand the principles of getting and keeping it right

what am i lying about then ?

Oh, I see. That excuses everything. Because you didn't mean it the first time. Bingo, you're a peach.

"Your honor, I only swore to tell the truth the first time because it was the convenient thing to say. Now that I'm the defendant, it's important for you to believe that I mean it this time."

In addition...you seemed to indicate that you kept your affair on the back burner as you settled your divorce and custody matters. Assuming YOU knew, in advance, that you were going to be pursuing a divorce (how else were you going to be with your soulmate?), then I presume, as an attorney, that you took advantage of your exwife in the divorce process (hidden cash, assets, jewelry, gifts for OW, etc.). In fact, it's possible that to this day neither your kids nor your ex-wife know that you and your current affair wife were romantically involved prior to the divorce. You kept it a secret...didn't you. (I also don't believe the "we didn't have sex until I was divorced" bullcrap but that's beside the point). You've not only got to FESS UP to your EX and your children...BUT you must PAY UP as well for what you STOLE from her. I think some MONETARY payment for her pain and suffering over the years would be in the cards as well.

Now I can't begin to tell you exactly how YOU are to repent as I believe repentence is a GIFT from God. He will direct you IF and WHEN you (and your co-conspirator wife) take this to Him. I'm just giving you (and maybe Him) some ideas.

Mr. Wondering