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this is like watching a Jerry Springer epidode......you can't turn it off, yet you get a sense of being defiled while looking......  (but I am LOVING Pep's use of  .....)
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This is the most BIZARRE thread ever...Hi All! DUDE
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why does how long weve been together put a twist on things maritalbliss ?
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This is the most BIZARRE thread ever...Hi All! DUDE The image that keeps playing in my mind is that of a man trying to walk a straight path with one boot nailed to the ground.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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its bizarre to me too. I came here for what I thought was a minor OCD type problem getting over a ONS and end up having my entire life questioned and told my 9 yr relationship is doomed cos I was married before and failed at it.
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why does how long weve been together put a twist on things maritalbliss ? Because, you werent married when your W "cheated"
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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fair comment fred. I should just get over this as it was when we were apart and needed to happen to get us to where we are today. Which, unfortunately for those that don't like the fact that we started at a bad time, is a really very happy place. I was just struggling a little with my own insecurities thats all.
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its bizarre to me too. I came here for what I thought was a minor OCD type problem getting over a ONS and end up having my entire life questioned and told my 9 yr relationship is doomed cos I was married before and failed at it. It will be doomed if you dont realize and fix the mistakes that YOU made in your first marriage.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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I see stillhere. Yes you are right, it wasn't whilst we were married and the pain it caused her was tremendous too. It was against all that she thought she was and how strong she thought she was. I made her feel lonely and as such it happened.
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its bizarre to me too. I came here for what I thought was a minor OCD type problem 
You made a wrong turn.
This is MARRIAGE BUILDERS not OCD problems anonymous
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So now move forward and work to make it work.
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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I have always put my last marriage down to a huge error of judgement. I have always contributed to my ex wifes life financially and tell her I am sorry at least once a year. I supported both the children from my last marriage and still do and gave her everything we had at the time so that she could start fresh with a house,car and some money in the bank. I started the current relationship with absolutely nothing.
I know I have offended some here by the fact that I started out with CW in the wrong way and that has had an impact on us I know now.
I am thankful every day for what I have now.
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I am thankful every day for what I have now.
I cannot get over my wifes one night stand
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I will move on now and allow some others in more pain to gain the advice that you have all so kindly given. It has been odd, but I now have a better understanding of many things and am especially relieved that I can now move on and get over what was a very silly mistake on both our parts.
Believe it or not. I am blissfully happily married and intend to keep it that way.
Good luck to all.
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It takes time to get over a betrayal of trust, as I know all to well. But working on your marriage and building trust again will take time...you wont just get over it all of a sudden...ya know?
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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why does how long weve been together put a twist on things maritalbliss ? She was in an uncommitted relationship. Ergo, no cheating. And don't try to tell me the two of you were committed to each other because you both lived under the same roof  That's not a commitment, that's an arrangement. Committed people get married. So, what you're saying here is that you wanted what she had to offer, but you weren't willing to commit to her to get it. Yet, you expected HER to commit to YOU by staying within YOUR guidelines. And when she strays outside of those, and behaves like an uncommitted person, you're surprised?  Regardless, bingo, I still think you can repair your M. But you've GOT to read everything here. You've GOT to come to terms with the affect your past has on your present.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I believe I can get over it now as I realise it for what it was. I was not doing that and was wallowing a little in self pity. I realise that my ego was too big and that I thought I was able to be an a$$ and it not affect my relationship.
The ONS taught us both a great deal about ourselves and our relationship and we came out the other side stronger and a team. we were individuals before living under one roof under my rule. we now talk and laugh and love having learned. I am just a slow learner it seems and unable to look at the bigger picture at times.
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I will move on now and allow some others in more pain to gain the advice that you have all so kindly given. It has been odd, but I now have a better understanding of many things and am especially relieved that I can now move on and get over what was a very silly mistake on both our parts.
Believe it or not. I am blissfully happily married and intend to keep it that way.
Good luck to all. Come back in five years. Maybe you'll have gotten it by then. I feel really bad for your first wife and your children.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Believe it or not. I am blissfully happily married and intend to keep it that way.
I cannot get over my wifes one night stand
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Thanks soooo much. I now know more about why we got in a mess and I really shouldn't have been surprised. Still hurt though but I suspect I had it coming.
A year has passed and I have changed so much. I realised the error of my ways for many years past and work on those every day, with the help of my beautiful wife......for life .
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