Well cool then - since we aren't supposed to "go on a poster's comments" then that makes all of YOUR posts irrelevant - in fact that makes this forum irrelevant...What are you doing here?

Mrs. W

P.S. He is a doctor...a juris doctor...lawyers CAN go by "Dr."...he does not IRL, however in college I had several professors that did...perfectly legit...Mr. W's using it here was tongue in cheek...

so I'll accept an apology from anyone who accused me or double posting as I have not been removed

I had a think about this overnight. I fully understand why I upset people yesterday. I was not married in a house of God either time, I have civil ceremonies which exclude religion. Sorry if that offends, but we are all allowed to be different. Therefor, legally, I was not married when I met my CW. That is the last I wish to say on the matter.

That said, whether humanist,hindu,Jewish,Catholic or civil, marriage is a binding agreement between two parties. I have not had infidelity in my marriage and therefor maybe I am on the site to help with my problem.

I am open to let others decide that and if constructive advice is that I should look elsewhere then I am happy.

To the Dr. Please leave this thread alone, you are not medically qualified to make such statements an I have a Doctorate, but would never use it to give someone medical advice as it is in an entirely different field.

sorry, I meant "maybe I am on the wrong site"

No, bingo you still don't get it. There are all kinds of people on here from many different situations. I am a Jewish woman who married in a Christian church that I don't attend (although I'm sure the people there are very nice so I don't know WHAT that makes me!

That's not what matters! You're not getting it! Leave Mr. W alone and concentrate on what we're saying! Sheesh!

bingo

"I have civil ceremonies which exclude religion."

This the best one I have heard in a while.

So because one say's I do to a judge but not a priest then the marriage is not legit.

Then there was no need to get a divorce. The marriage was not legit.

Yeah, I like to see a H use that arguement in front a judge when alimony, CS, and custody, and W get's half the pension, the house and the bank CD's.

that is not what I was saying at all. Of course the marriage was legit. It was legal and binding and all of the other things it should have been. I am just not going to be beaten with the religion stick. I have just got off the phone to me ex actually. We get on fine. Just leave the past please. I failed. Lets get over it.
However, i got together with my CW at in inappropriate time.That I do get. And I do get the consequences of that. But 9 years on we are married and that is what I want to get right.

Whether an affairage or not. I am married, I adore my wife, I want to stay married until I draw my last breath. That is that. The past obviously affects the future. I understand that we perhaps would have a great deal more work to do because of how we started, by against the odds we are here now having had a hiccup prior to saying the "i do's" and I want to ensure that I never ever have to say "i don't" again.
I know how painful a divorce is and would advise anyone against it. I failed by not doing everything right the first time, but I am not alone in that and I certainly do not deserve to be lambasted for accepting both my part in my past problems and the ones I face today.

Then why do you keep bringing up the past with new justifications...You still dont get it.

listen, I understand that you may well be bitter about the fact that your husband is still seeing another woman and that as far as statistics are concerned, he should not last more than two years with her and will have caused a great deal of destruction along the way. I also realise that you must, therefor, have very strong feelings about affairs and those who have them. If I am in that category and I offend, then I apologise. BUT. I am one of those who lasted and am still up and at 'em with regard to my affariage. It is possible, for some, that they found a soulmate after much soul searching and decided to go along that path of life with that new person.
One cannot predict whether that happens or when and there are many people that stay in marriage, unhappily for many years and die that way. I was not going to be one of those.
My divorce was MUTUAL. My CW came along quite by surprise some time after we had agreed to divorce. I'm sorry, but 9 years later we are still as in love as we ever have been.
I carried alot of the behaviour that I had learned from my first "failure" with me into my second attempt at a life partner situation and got bitten, slightly, because of it.
I am here to learn how to avoid that happening again and to ensure that this time, I get is absolutely right and learn how to nourish the very valuable thing i have in my marriage. IS THAT SO WRONG ?

I AM upset about my situation...That being said I was honestly trying to help you because you cannot seem to stop making excuses and excuses to justify your past mistakes.....

I dont judge people for their past, but sometimes you need to except responsibilty for past mistakes so you can move forward and have a better future....I just see you, not excepting resposibilty for your past mistakes, but constantly coming up with excuses to justify them.

And everytime I check your thread you come back with an unprovoked NEW EXCUSE for your past mistakes....You start out by saying you understand that you made mistakes, but you dont leave it at that. You follow that with justification after justification......

I am done helping you....Good Luck with your new affairage.

Oh and since you have decided to be nasty....I have something to say...

You seem to think that you were not married by god or some foolishness that you were saying about your first marriage...but you now seem to thing that angels brought you and your affairage together.

I am sorry but angels dont hook up married people....you and your first wife were brought together by angels and were blessed with beautiful children. You just screwed that up.

I am beginning to think that we have been duped by this entire thread for someone's sick entertainment, Still. I didn't know that it was possible for anyone to be so obtuse, insensitive and unappreciative all at the same time.

It has been a very long time since I followed anyone's saga in real time but a freak snowstorm and my appreciation for all that MB and the posters on this forum have done for me in the last 31 months brought me on here yesterday. I don't give up rooting for someone easily but I for one am done with this one.

God's Blessings,

Say

I am not justifying anything I SCREWED UP !!! I admit it, have never denied it and never will. But my marriage finished because both of us wanted it to, not just me. We had tried and tried and are both to blame, if blame is the right word. We separated nearly 10 years ago and were unhappy for the vast majority of that.
All that said, perhaps, if I had found this site then I may still have been unhappily married now to a woman that I did not love, didn't love me and had nothing, and I mean nothing in common with. I accept that I made a bad decision early on in my life, but who at 21 doesn't. I should have been persuing a career or having fun but I CHOSE wrongly, to stand by a woman who was carrying my child. I regret that choice but saw no alternative at the time.
I don't need help with that thank you. It is a decade gone and 17 years since we started to live separate lives. I even had a second home for 8 of the 10 years we were married !!!!!
Anyway. I understand your position and have no idea how you could help anyway as you are obviously capable of helping people get through the trauma of an affair and that is not why I am here.
Thank you anyway, and I wish you luck with your life and hope that it all pans out well for you in the end. I'm sure it will as you seem like a very lovely lady. Maybe he didn't deserve the obvious qualities that you have, just by reading your threads.
Your WH will have to make his own mind up as to whether he is in the right place. Only he knows that.
Sadly for some, it is possible that they were in the wrong place in the first place. That is certainly my position. There were no tears shed by either my ex wife or myself about our divorce except about the kids. Surely that is the only way a divorce should be, if it happens at all.
Bless you and thank you

Sadly, the decision to stand by the woman carrying your child at the age of 21 appears to be the only really good relationship decision that you have made.
God's Blessings,

Say

The name of your thread is "I CANNOT GET OVER MY WIFES ONE NIGHT STAND" and you are on the surviving and affair forum.....I am sorry but I had mistaken all that with you needing help with the trauma of an affair.....

So I guess I cannot help you, you are right. Sheesh!

saynomore. No duping going on here. But I appreciate that you tried. I am not deliberately trying to upset anyone, but because I am a man who had an "affair" seem to be being blasted from all angles.
Angles did bring my CW and I together as I had spent most of my adult life unhappy and found happiness and still have it. I made some massive mistakes along the way. I am just trying to learn how to avoid making them again.
Leave my kids out of this, they are perfectly wonderful still and I see them all every day except the one at university whom I speak to most days. My fathering skills are not in question here !

Well said, Say.

How is standing by a woman under those circumstances a good decision. I was too young I was confused, I was not in love, I was not even in "like". How is that any way to start a marriage. At least this time we had a little time and experience behind us to create a solid foundation.
Stop knocking my CW and I for taking a great deal of time to try to get it right this time .