It was fun dreaming it up though, Zelmo.

I had all types of clever conversations with my XWW , in my head. The reality is that nothing gets through to these folks , except their own discomfort.
My first XWW has made numerous overtures toward reconciliation throughout the years. These are always associated with her current relationship going kaput.
These disordered folks are really monsters, IMO, Fred. You need to accept that and know they do not change.

The truth is Zelmo, that I have no idea what the future is going to bring. Until this weekend, I was getting pretty used to Plan B and the prospect of moving on. I knew her move out was going to be tough, and so it is (and she's late arriving, so I know she's not going to complete the job today, either). It's been a lot of triggers and emotional thunderstorms.

I do look at her behavior and history and ask myself why in the world would I want her back? And I don't know that I do. I just haven't gotten to that place of permanent detachment, yet.

One of my daughters calls them "air letters", as in "air guitars". I write them to the biological family of my 3 adopted grandchildren, and tell them what I think of what they've done and what they're still doing to screw up the lives of these kids, and by extension, our lives as well. I write LOTS of air letters! But writing real ones would be a waste of time.

As far as not getting all her stuff out today--when is the 6 months up? Couldn't you rent a storage unit, pay for one month, and then have your IM tell her where the stuff is and that she has a month to get it out? That way she wouldn't have to return to the house again for anything, and she couldn't keep dragging out these traumatic encounters.

tl

End of April.

I'm going to see how much she gets done today. Then I might go back to the first "bend" in Plan B and just box stuff up and leave it on the porch for her to pick up.

Doing more d@mned work on her behalf doesn't sit well with me. I spent days filling the garage with her 54!t.

30 minutes late already, today. She left three hours before closing time yesterday. I have to think long and hard on how I want to proceed...

Since it's evident to me now that not all of her stuff will be moved out today, I'm formulating my next move. Our settlement agreement states that she has six months to remove her stuff. However, I specified in my Plan B letter that I did not want her repeated trips here to accomplish this goal. Her early departure yesterday and late arrival today suggest she is purposely trying to work around Plan B.

This does give me the opportunity to firm up my commitment to the IM I have selected. I am thinking of requiring The Leopard to rent a van (or another moving company, I don't care which) to finish the job in one final journey. I have already refused to allow any moving activity during the work week (I work from home), and all of a sudden I find I'm going to be taking a lot of weekend trips. Hmmm...

Hey Fred - you are doing great, except in the sleep department! Couple of things...

I think you should put some effort into trying to sleep better. You may have already done this, but there are lots of resources out there to help. What worked for me includes, stretching, focussed breathing, visualizing sleeping well and waking up refreshed right before going to sleep, and having naps when I need them with an eyeshade. Sleep is important to be your best!

Secondly, I also had dreams of physical violence toward the OM in the last 24 hours, must be something in the cosmos! I can relate entirely to your position.

You are going to do well today, you can handle whatever comes your way! We are here for you buddy...

Melatonin is great for sleep, and it's all natural.

I asked her yesterday if she wanted them. They're gone after she is, anyway.

I have melatonin. I also have Ibuprofen PM, which I take on occasion when my back hurts.

I'm thinking of telling her when she prepares to leave today that anything she leaves behind is trash. She had her day(s) and that's it.

Her pettiness is beyond belief. She wants an old can of "glaze" paint. Everything and anything she thinks she spent a precious nickel on (did I say she has no money? No job?) she wants.

She's gotten very close to asking for stuff she gave me as gifts. I'm wearing a shirt she gave me today, and if she asks for one more "iffy" item, I'm taking it off and giving it to her!

I second this suggestion.

Fred I had a terrible time sleeping for the first 4 or 5 months. Wouldn't go down until around 4 and had to get up and function---no job but a child to care for.

I finally figured out my problem was I didn't want to get in our bed. Once I faced that trigger it got a little easier.

Will be thinking of you today!

OK, I lost it. I was talking to her DD when she came in and asked that I not speak with her DD alone. I said it was my house and I could speak with whoever I pleased whenever I pleased. She got upset and said I could not. I then said they could leave. Now.

Then she said could we talk. I said we had nothing to talk about. She said she was going to say her piece, anyway.

She said she had not talked about us or the things we had done. She said that if I continued violating her boundaries she was going to tell people about all the terrible things I had done. "There are consequences," after all. My "terrible things?" I sent letters exposing the affair, that's what. She called that harassment. I told her she could tell everyone she wanted, because I had already done so. I had nothing to hide. After all, it was my wife who was F***ing another guy.

She claims I violated our agreement. I said I had not and my attorney had confirmed this. She said she had talked to an attorney who disagreed (right, like I believe this). I said then have your attorney contact mine.

I raised my voice and pointed out to her several times that my wife was committing adultery. That I had nothing to hide or to be ashamed of. She said that I had told her after we had our agreement signed that she could do whatever she pleased. I never said that. I also said that separation does not mean free to f**k other guys.

I'm cooling off now. She's still being the petty, money-grubber that she's been over recent years. I wouldn't be surprised if she wanted the lint from the dryer where her clothes had been cleaned.

Sorry, MB. But this has closed the door on recovery for me. I can't wait until this shrew is out of my life.

Nope. No doubts. Zelmo, you were right.

Plan B forever. No path back.

And let her go then.

As I catch up on your thread one thing becomes glaring obvious to me. The drama. Waywards, alcoholics, etc THRIVE on chaos and drama.

If you can STOP being engaged in the chaos then your level of serenity can return, and turning her over to G-d will become easier.

You can't control her in anyway shape or form. Getting into a screaming match over points of view are JUST what the wayward ordered. It keeps you engaged with her. Clearly she is playing with you.

Please stop. You are so worth more.

JMHO

I was taught that Plan B was when the heart and mind were in sync. Plan B isn't something that gets thrown around just because you "feel" like it. There is a purpose to it. And the purpose isn't to PUNISH anyone, but protect you.

Dark allows us to heal and find our path back to G-d. We also learn to let go and let G-d have the wayward because in the end, he is really the only thing that can save them.

Plan B sounds so easy, but in reality is very hard to implement because a true Plan B is not even thinking about them in any way shape or form. Can you do that? Or are you just mad and want to get even?

She and DD are leaving for a short while. Phone call to OM (who has shown "remarkable patience" with my outrages. LOL!)? Lunch? I asked how long they would be gone. Not long. So I shouldn't go anywhere? Please don't.

I told her she had until 6:00 p.m. She smiled.

I'm sorry. I've unloaded on her. Said I now understood why her own family (brothers) would have nothing to do with her. Same with xH#3. Said with four failed marriages that she left, what is the constant? ("It's not working, Fred") Said that she'd been fired from two jobs since I've known her. What's the constant? ("It's not working, Fred"). Said that she owed money to the IRS, to credit cards, for medical care. What's the constant? ("It's not working, Fred"). No, it's not working. She's disordered and befogged. But it sure feels good to say it. And in front of DD, too (of course, DD is the one who called her mom a "whore" to my DD). Great role modeling, I told her.

I feel better already.

My sponsor doesn't answer. Neither does my DD. Sigh.