Fred, I'm sorry you had a rough day, but in a way I'm kinda relieved. I wish I were where you are, right now. Done, done, DONE!

Thinking happy thoughts for ya, hon!

I went to a meeting and I'm waiting for my daughter to stop by. She offered to go out to dinner with me to give me an opportunity to decompress. So meeting + dinner w/ daughter = much steadying.

Wolf, to tell the truth, I'm pretty relieved myself. For the past couple of months I've been going back and forth between wanting back the wonderful, sweet woman I married, or having done with the disordered, soul-draining she-devil she'd become.

I'm off the fence. There is too much past history to be factored in to attempting to rebuild something that was probably a sham in the first place. four ex-husbands, three children she left, two job firings and not even a partridge in a pear tree. But a debt load that would choke not only the partridge but the tree as well if there was one.

From D-day on, my sponsor and the wise heads of A.A. have told me, "this too, shall pass." And so it shall. Right now, I feel like my burden has been lightened.

(And believe it or not, she and her DD are out in front of the garage, in the cold and dark, loading more of her cr@p).

((((Fred)))))

It's a roller coaster Fred. Don't forget that. Just be prepared for the down days.

And don't be too hard on yourself. You are a wonderful person. The wayward always affairs DOWN. At least that is what I want to believe. It seems so conceited to think that way, but it sure makes me feel better!

Yes, ChaiLover, I'm aware that the after effects can be felt for months, if not years. I am going to be reading a lot of Dr. Harley's books and more.

The idea of "affairing down" is an interesting one. I think it's true in my case, since everyone I know who knows the OM thinks he a POS. My daughter saw a photo of him and told me he looks like a goof. On the other hand, the woman who dated him and who he threw overboard a couple of years ago said he was "gorgeous." I guess it's a matter of perspective.

Just like I thought my wife was more beautiful than she is in fact (again, an opinion) I saw her beauty as the totality of her being and not just her appearance. In OM's case, he completely lacks any character, is conniving, deceitful and most certainly a "player."

How much of The Leopard's waywardness was due to his "game" and how much was just her own disordered personality is a question left to the experts, I guess.

BUBBLE BATH!

Well, I think that those in affairs only recognize the "good" things in the AP. You know, "good" meaning the emotional needs being met.


Some of the most beautiful people I know are the least physically attractive. And did you ever notice how ugly a physically attractive person becomes when they are a scum bag?

Anyway Fred, I am sure your WW is physically beautiful but she really is a lost soul with some serious internal issues. She will always blame her issues on whatever mate she ends up with, and will constantly be moving on. How long before OM is blamed for her issues?

I am constantly being told that I am "better off" without XWH, so I hate to tell you the same thing. I will just say that in the end, our lives may be happier without them due to the people they have become (or have always been).

Sorry for rambling and not making sense. I think I'm tired....

You done good today Fred!!



Stay strong and keep your faith.

Lots of prayers going up tonight.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Probably when he dumps her.

Don't worry. I am already convinced of it. I had dinner with my daughter tonight and her insight has been so on the mark that she is the most trustworthy person I know right now. And she's been saying that since D-day.

I'm exhausted. Thanks for reminding me. Well, I have one more load of trash to take out. But this one isn't breathing.

Good morning MB-ers. I slept the whole night without interruption. Granted, I swallowed some melatonin as a precaution, but when I opened my eyes this morning it was time to get up for work. I feel wonderful!

Well, maybe not 100% wonderful, but it's nice to have a good night's sleep. There is a lot of junk left behind and I will start packing it up and either trashing it or storing it in the basement until the six month waiting period has elapsed. And then I'll throw it in the trash.

A brief temptation to check the keylogger came and went. Why? I'm now in Permanent Plan B. Whatever happens, happens. And when the A implodes isn't important to me. I have no money invested in that outcome. In fact, I have no money invested in The Leopard at all any more, and that fact alone is liberating.

One final note before I sign off. I lent my copy of HNHN to my daughter last night. She expressed great interest in MB and the MB principles, and as someone who is at the cusp of getting married, it may give her a lot of insight and help her prevent getting lobotomized like her dad did.

Peace.

Fred, I can tell from your posts that you are still thinking about her and still have feelings for her.
It really helps me to read Eckhart Tolle's books. I think it will help you too to recognize that what we might think is good for us (going back to WS) it is actually our plan. Our plan is limited as it is dictated by the human mind...limited and imperfect. The universe's plan (God's if you will) is the only plan that can work. Everything else brings us to sorrow and suffering.
The universe has something prepared for you and I see that you, by accepting the situation as is, are setting yourself up for great and good things to happen.
blessings

Atena, I am by necessity (the law) still connected to her until the end of April. Actually, our agreement stipulates that she pay me over $4,000 by September. Given her massive debt load, I expect to join the long list of creditors waiting to be paid, so I don't ever expect to see any of that money.

No, yesterday was just the "defining moment" of where I am in our relationship. And where I am is walking through the exit door...

I suspect that the temptation to check the keylogger is more out of Fred's concern about protecting himself from the actions of his WW, rather than anything else.

MiM, I don't really know what my motives were when I thought that, except perhaps, "What now?"

But not to worry: The thought has passed. Plan B has resumed.

Well, there you have it. The classic disordered remark. I have read a lot on their behaviors, Fred. You would not believe how common the sexual adequacy attack is with these folks.
Just lie waywards follow a pattern, the disordered do, as well. And, this type of attack isreally, really common.

Like I said Zelmo, her threatened attacks do not faze me. Even if she goes forward with them it doesn't bother me. It actually made me laugh: "All the women in A.A. are going to know about your inadequacies." As if I'm going to go trolling in the rooms of A.A. for my next "victim." That's her modus operandi, not mine.

Anyone who wants to believe her stuff is free to do so. They aren't people I want around me, anyway. Anyone questioning her should simply consider the source. As for me, I am blessed with more loving and caring friends than I knew I had. She can wage war against me if she wants, but I don't have to retaliate. "What if they gave a war and nobody came?"

I just went out to bring the trash cans inside and noticed her stuff piled up on the neighbor's front porch. LOL!

She "didn't want to get the neighbors involved." I guess the depth of their involvement was to let her put her stuff on their doorstep.

And this is supposed to damage or harm me how?

Too funny.

I am glad to hear you got a good night's sleep Fred. Here is wishing many more of those for you!

Thanks, mfoss. I feel like the worst is over, and a great load has been lifted from me.

This hasn't turned out the way I wanted, but then did any of us want this? What kind of sicko would? At least knowing which direction I'm headed is relief.

How are you doing? (Never mind, I'll go check your thread)

When The Leopard dropped the first bomb and told me she wanted out of the marriage, followed then by the admission of her affair, one of the first things I thought of, given our time together, was the "Seven Year Itch."

I read a lot of articles describing this time period in marriages. While not strictly bound to the seven year time frame, the issues in an evolving marriage almost always create a time of uncertainty and doubt.

Only within the past few days have I bothered to actually do the math (duh, I'm giving myself my own )

The Leopard is currently 48 years old. I believe her first marriage was at 18. So, in the past 30 years, she has been married and left four marriages, yielding an average lifespan of each marriage of... 7.5 years.

The average actually drops a bit, since she was unmarried between #3 and me for three years. so that makes it 6.75 years -- almost exactly the same amount of time we were married.

The more I learn, the more I realize I nicknamed her The Leopard quite appropriately.

Too bad you didn't see that pattern BEFORE you married her. Lesson learned, huh?