Patriot45 You can expose to everyone including her work maybe her company uses his services, or you can have a bottle of wine sent to her room at the hotel for her and him to share!

The fact is patriot. Your marriage can survive her anger over exposure. It cannot survive her having an on going affair with the OM. Expose immediately. Its even OK to be pissed when you expose. Tell her mom and her sister that you love her but she is having sex (not making love) with another man and is destroying your family. Let them bring pressure to bear on the situation. It she gets mad (which she will) tell her that you weren't going to wait for her to invent a bunch of lies about you to them.

Thanks to all for the advise. She is leaving town on Sunday for 4-5 days. Would you advise I do it before she leaves, or while she's gone? My thought was as soon as she leaves, I contact these people. Should I contact him?

My plan is when she leaves on Sunday for a business trip, contact all of these people (including him?) and tell them what's happening. I also read that telling the kids is advised......really? They are 7 and 9, is that really the best thing to do? Why?

You just tell the kids that married women do not have boyfriends and go on dates with these BF's. Mom has a boyfriend and is dating OM, if you know the name tell them.

Patriot, I reread your posts. It is still unclear how they met. You said that they met during a business trip, and he is an independent contractor. I understand he is not an employee of the same firm, but does his company do business in any way with your W's company? Did she meet him in a business meeting?

No, they met in the hotel restaurant/bar. According to her they struck up a "friendship". They began to text and talk and they would get together for dinner and such when she was in town. What I was told is they met in September, but didn't sleep together until Mid November.

Expose. The timing is good. Don't wait for them to develop a deeper relationship.

She's admitted to an affair. There's nothing to deny now or for her to spin as you being nuts in some way.

Tell everyone who can influence her.

She will go nuts. Re-read the things she will say. Remember that the reaction is predictable.

Once she has it, you will come back here and be full of doubt that you did the right thing and think that it's all over for sure and that you ruined everything.

Read JCB's thread if you don't believe us, which is appropriately entitled "Confronted WW.....total disaster".

You'll be pleased with how it ends.

Her reaction and yours are predictable. We have seen the situation before. Have a little faith and do what needs to be done. Any chance of restoring your marriage depends on your willingness to man up.

What helpthelostdads said.

Get in the saddle, patriot.

He is not married (divorced) and has a 14 year old son. I discover the affair through phone records. She has a large phone bill from texting and I noticed a repeat number that had no reson to be there and did a reverse phone search.We live in Austin, he lives in Dallas. She travels to Midland and OK City a lot for work and he is an independent contactor, so they usually meet in those locations. She was in New Orleans last week and I know he was with her. Besides the marrige, I have concerns about the kids and her spending. She is spending without concern right now. She has been void in the kids life, so this needs to be resolved sooner, rather than later.Okay, I expose the affair to everyone and deal with the response. I read that if this doesn't work, you go to plan A and try and be a good husband and wait for her to change, or at a point you break off contact. HOW can you continue to live with someone if you know they are with another person? Not sure how that works.

I'm not sure which would be better, both have some pro's and con's. But defiantly do it as soon as she leaves at the latest.

Understand, she is going to go bonkers, just like any addict whose had there drug taken away/threatened. IT WILL PASS!

Do not listen to her threats and lies. It is easy to tell if a wayward is lying, if there mouth is moving they are lying.

One other thing.
For your marriage to recover the business trips without you will have to end. This is not an option, she will either have to get another job, do her job without overnight trips, or take you with her. Don't harp on this to hard yet, kill the affair first, but it will have to happen.







Oh, and do not under any circumstance move out of your home. If WW wants space, she leaves! You and the kids stay.

Exposure is PART of Plan A

How do you know this?


Thats up to you to figure out. No one can tell you how to do that.

You don't have to, you can always kick her to the curb and file for divorce today. You have every right to do so and full support of everyone here if you choose that path. Recovery or Divorce, it's up to you.

You need to read Dr. Harleys book "Surviving an Affair" ASAP!

I've seen his Facebook page, so I know he's not married.

He could still be married and his wife does not even know he has a facebook account.

I would check into him further.

So you have access to his FB page? So by viewing his "friends," you actually have access to the names of all his friends and family members who potentially could be influential...

In a perfect world, that would work, but I am starting a new job and her line of work, weather it's with this company or another will require travel. If she's going to screw around, then there is little I can do to stop it. Obviously, this cannot continue and even if we di try and fix it, it's not something we will revisit again. I could check her phone, e-mail, gps her car... but if she wants to have an affair, then it's going to happen. Will I trust her......of course not. Will I ask and snoop....absolutly. But there is only so much you can do, the rest is just hope.

Or you have seen his other facebook page that says he is divorced that he hides from his wife.

This is very common.

Expose to his (supposedly) X-Wife.
Either way, she may be able to put pressure on the affair.

This is not an option.

In the least perfect world there could ever be, this would still be necessary for long tearm recovery.

If she can't do her job without lots of travel, she will have to get another job, or this will happen again.